Netra

Every eye looks at me with disgust. No one knows my situation.I’m in a stage of my life where my only safe place is a dark room, no light, no brightness, no voices. Just me lying on my bed, holding my book, reading in the quiet darkness like it’s the only place that doesn’t judge me. I’m living in a moment where ending my life feels like a future goal. But I can’t leave yet.

I still carry responsibilities on my shoulders, even when my shoulders feel like they’re breaking.I stopped talking. I stopped going out. I stopped making new friends.

I’m tired of meeting new people who eventually walk away again and again, like I’m something temporary in their lives.There might still be a smile on my face, but it isn’t my real smile anymore. It’s not the bright, beautiful one I used to have. It’s just a mask, a weak curve of my lips trying to hide all the pressure, all the pain, all the silent screaming inside my chest. Going to school feels like walking into hell. The moment I step into the classroom, I feel their eyes on me, watching, judging, measuring every move I make. I can’t even find an empty seat for myself. I just stand there, frozen, feeling unwanted, like there’s no space in this world meant for me. They talk to me only when it benefits them. Then they turn around and talk about me behind my back. They look down on me. They bully me. And I stay silent because what can I even say?

They judge everything, the way I sit, the way I walk, the way I talk, even the way I drink water. Somehow, everything I do is wrong. Facing them every single day slowly destroys my mind. My mental health falls apart piece by piece. I’ve lost interest in food. My stomach feels hungry, but my heart and brain whisper that I don’t deserve it, that I don’t need it. I used to say I’m strong, but maybe I was strong. Because now I cry day and night, trying to find a way to escape a place where I feel like no one needs me.

I come home after a long, exhausting day hoping to finally rest, but the moment I walk in, the atmosphere turns cold. They look at me like I’m a burden, like I’m an inconvenience. No one says a word, but silence can be louder than shouting. Later, I hear them talking during dinner, a dinner without me. They say no one needs me. They say I disappointed them. They say I ruined their lives. I tried my hardest. I really did.

But no one sees how tired I am. No one sees how hard I fight just to survive each day. No one sees how much it hurts to exist in a place where you feel unwanted.