Mode for.

Good grief education in schools is not one assembly. It is a culture built across every key stage.

Children need to know death is permanent, that it is not their fault, that grief is natural and
everyone does it differently, including puddle-jumping in and out.

They also need to feel it is safe to talk, that adults grieve too, that it is still OK to have fun.

Information plus emotional environment. That is what the curriculum is really asking for.

Which is harder to build in your school, the knowing or the feeling?

Tabby x




📸 pic of me and my Dad when I was the Pied Piper in the school play. My Dad was Head of Music. He died in 1994 when I was 16 and his death had a huge impact on me others and the grief rippled through the school where he was so loved, with the school choir performing at his funeral…but without any formal grief support for any of us.

In a recent webinar, Linda Magistris OBE of thegoodgrieftrust reminded us of one of the most important things psychotherapist and paediatric counsellor Julia Samuel ever said about grief.

'It isn't the circumstances of the death that will predict a positive or negative outcome. It is the support they get at the time and after the death. This is the key component to anybody finding a way forward with their life.'

Read that again.

The support at the time and after. Not the type of loss. Not the age of the adult or child. Not the family circumstances. The support.

With forthcoming changes to curriculum, childhood grief education is getting its moment.

Which means schools (the places children spend most of their waking hours) are among the most powerful variables in a bereaved child's long-term outcomes.

Trained staff. A clear policy. A curriculum that normalises grief. These are not nice-to-haves. From 1 September, for the first time, they are statutory requirements.

I would also take this one step further… that to truly give a whole community approach to grief support for children we should also extend this grief support and awareness knowledge and training into our community groups, be that dance, theatre, sports, music and yes, brass bands.

What does grief support look like in your brass band right now — honestly? For children and adults?

I will be helping bands to get this in place and right. If you’re interested in what that looks like. Let me know 👇🏻

Tabby x

People sometimes ask how I built five brands as one person.

The honest answer: I did not build them to be busy. I built them because grief showed me, with total clarity, what actually matters.

Mode for… holds the story.
The PERFORM Experience takes the work into organisations and schools.
My personal brand is the speaking and the research. Brass on the Mind protects musicians, and carries Simon’s music forward.
Widowhood Made Me Happier walks alongside other widows.

Different doors.
One belief.
Protect your mental health, grow with grief, PERFORM at your best.

Much love
Tabby x

Today, widows are standing in Parliament Square fighting for fairer bereavement support payments.

This is a payment funded by a spouse’s National Insurance contributions - money they earned and contributed.

In 2017 the law changed from being paid until a child was 18 to only being paid for 18 months. That is a HUGE difference and at 18 months you are not even close to truly navigating the grief pathway after the loss of a spouse.

I cannot be there in person today, but I am with them completely. Nobody should have to grieve and fight a system at the same time.

To and everyone showing up: thank you. You are doing something that matters for every widow who comes after you.