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Boasting a two-year shelf life, the pasty is submerged in what they describe as "protective savoury ambient jelly," executives insist it's the ultimate convenience food for anyone in a rush.
"You can eat it cold, just by sliding it out the tin, or warm it up until it's hot and greasy, the choice is yours" enthusiastic spokesperson Nigel Bland told reporters, "we believe this is the next best thing since microwave burgers."

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Massive shout out to the landlord at The Polished Pole in Bradford.