Alexandra Babiak

💗

It felt like a huge deal to me to play NXNE one year post partum. I didn’t know if I could “pull it off”. After having a baby my body is different, my voice feels different, my breath feels different, and I was kind of consumed with how all of that change would negatively impact how I was received. I promoted the show as I usually do, but what felt completely different to me was how I prepared, in part, because I had SO much less time to practice. I had to find pockets of time, including practicing with my band in the evenings after my son when to sleep. Sometimes I practiced with him playing nearby and this guilt crept in, like, I shouldn’t be “working” with him in the room, wondering how that would impact him as well. It also felt really important and necessary for me to play this show and reconnect with myself as a person outside of being a mother. If you’ve had a baby/been a primary caregiver for another human you know how emotionally and physically demanding it is. You don’t have the same energy for things you had before and certain facets of life just become so much less important, in part because you’re just so exhausted/sleep deprived. I think it’s hard because you have a baby and your identity shifts and you’re like, what matters to me? Does being an artist matter? Am I too tired to be a person anymore? And I am too tired but I also need to play music. So thank you NXNE for having me and thank you to my band and thank you to every single person who came to the show it means the world to me. I have so many more thoughts but that’s all for now.

Re-introducing myself after a year or so of being under construction 🚧 I’m Alexandra Babiak
An independent musician from Toronto, ON
Thank you for the beautiful video