Death Doula Randi

Grief is already present before a death occurs. It can show up in the loss of independence, changes in the body, leaving a familiar home, unfinished plans, changing family roles, and the reality that life is becoming smaller.

As Death Doulas, part of our work is knowing how to sit with grief without immediately trying to make it better. We give people room to talk about what they are losing, what they are afraid of, what they will miss, and what still matters to them.

We also support the people surrounding them. Family members can be grieving while they are caregiving, making decisions, managing appointments, and trying to stay present. Sometimes they need practical guidance. Sometimes they need information about what is happening. Sometimes they simply need someone who can stay steady when everything feels uncertain.

End-of-life care is not about removing grief. Grief belongs here. Our role is to make sure people do not have to carry it alone while they navigate dying, caregiving, goodbye, and the transition that follows.

Ontariocollegeofdeathdoulas.ca

Most people spend time deciding what they want to leave behind, but very few think about what they want to take with them. Some people place great importance on doing this, others not so much. Some cultures believe certain items help spirit move on to the next part of its journey.

Some people choose a wedding ring that never left their finger. Others want handwritten letters from their children, military medals, a favourite book, a rosary, family photos, a stuffed animal, or something that represents who they were. These items don’t change the person who died, but they can reflect a life that mattered and the things they held closest.

Whether you’re planning your burial, one for someone else, or simply thinking ahead and making peace with your immortality, this is one of those conversations worth having. It's always so very interesting!

So, what personal item or keepsake would you want buried with you?

A viewing isn’t for the person who died. Though it can be a part of the way they say goodbye if they helped to plan for how they will be viewed. Mostly, we see it for the people who are left behind. Their closure.

Seeing our loved one one last time brings a sense of reality that words alone can’t provide. It gives the opportunity to witness that death has occurred, a final acknowledgement of a beautiful life lived. For others, that isn’t what they need, and that’s okay too.

There is no right or wrong choice. The important part is that it’s a choice made intentionally, not one made because you didn’t know your options.

As a Death Doula, one of my roles is helping individuals and families think through these decisions before they’re in the middle of grief. A little planning now can make an incredibly difficult time feel a little less overwhelming.

Would you want your family to have a viewing? Would you want friends to view you as well? Or would you choose something different?

Across the world, families have honoured their loved ones through meaningful rituals for thousands of years, and many of these traditions can still be incorporated today.

As a Death Doula, I help families create rituals that reflect their beliefs, culture, and values. That might include sitting vigil with the body for a period of time, washing and dressing your loved one by hand, placing cedar, sage, rosemary, or lavender around them, reading sacred texts, singing, sharing stories, lighting candles each evening, offering prayers, or creating a memory altar at home.

Some families choose Buddhist chanting. Others follow Indigenous teachings, Jewish customs, Christian prayers, Hindu rituals, or completely personal spiritual practices. Some write letters to be placed with their loved one. Others gather outside at sunrise, drum, sing, or spend time in silence together.

There is no single right way to move through the veil. There is only the way that feels true to you.

What death customs or rituals would you want carried out for you or someone you love?

Grief is not always about missing the person. Sometimes it is about living with the memories of how they died. A sudden loss, a traumatic diagnosis, an accident, or witnessing someone’s final moments can leave emotional wounds that are very different from grief alone.

They can leave a trauma that is difficult to release. The aftermath of the loss of that person, especially they were our caregiver, can heighten this trauma.

As a Death Doula, I provide more than end of life support. I also create a safe space to process difficult memories, explore the impact of traumatic loss, honour your loved one beyond the circumstances of their death, and help you carry both grief and trauma with compassion.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means learning to live with the story in a way that no longer controls your life.

Become a Death Doula Today!

Ontariocollegeofdeathdoulas.ca
Deathdoularandi.ca

Life is difficult. Moments of happiness and moments of heavy grief. Having someone to walk beside those who are experiencing some of their deepest pain, is incredibly healing.

Whether you’re grieving the death of a loved one, supporting a grieving child, carrying the heartbreak of pregnancy or infant loss, or simply trying to understand why loss affects us so deeply, this week was created to give you the knowledge, confidence, and compassionate support you deserve.

Walking With Grief is more than a course. It’s a safe place to learn, reflect, and develop practical skills that can make a real difference, whether you’re supporting yourself, your family, your community, or those you care for professionally.

Throughout this week, we’ll explore the realities of grief and mourning, how children experience and express loss differently than adults, how men grieve different than women, and the unique complexities of pregnancy and infant loss. You’ll leave with trauma-informed tools, a deeper understanding of the grieving process, and the confidence to walk alongside others with compassion instead of fear.

This is a certified virtual training, so you can join from anywhere while connecting with others who understand the importance of compassionate grief support.

If you’ve ever felt called to support people through life’s most difficult moments, this course is for you.

•December 7 to 11
•$500 CAD
•Virtual and Certified

Spaces are limited. Register today at ontariocollegeofdeathdoulas.ca

Take the next step toward becoming someone who knows how to truly walk with grief.

Trauma does not disappear simply because someone has grown older or because they are approaching the end of life.

Many people spend decades learning how to survive. They build careers, raise families, care for others, and keep moving forward. From the outside, it can look like they’ve healed. But when illness, cognitive decline, or the dying process begins, old fears, grief, abuse, military experiences, childhood wounds, or unresolved losses can resurface in powerful ways.

This is why trauma informed end-of-life care is so important. Trauma can show up in many ways. Not just in the ways we think of.

As a Death Doula, I look beyond physical symptoms. I pay attention to emotional triggers, body language, behaviours, relationships, and the stories that may never have been spoken aloud. I understand that agitation, fear, withdrawal, anger, or a need for control may not simply be part of dying. They may be the echoes of experiences that were never given the chance to heal.

Every person deserves to feel safe, heard, and respected in their final chapter. Compassionate end-of-life care means meeting people where they are, honouring what they have carried, and creating an environment where dignity is protected until the very end.

Trauma does not disappear with age. Neither should our commitment to understanding it.

Become a Death Doula Today, or join our Grief & PTSD branch off course. Link Tree in Bio!

Ontariocollegeofdeathdoulas.ca
Deathdoularandi.ca

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How do you want to be remembered? What traditions matter to you? Is there a place that feels like home? Are there rituals, music, people, or experiences you want to be part of your farewell? Do you care?

Do you want to take the pressure off of your loved one?

As a Death Doula, I encourage people to think beyond what is considered “normal.” There are far more options than most people realize, and your final wishes don’t have to look like anyone else’s. Your farewell can be as traditional, unconventional, spiritual, cultural, or personal as you want it to be. These are forever memories that you will leave behind for those present during your death and those grieving your loss.

There is no right answer. There is only the answer that feels true to you. There is so much importance and significance.

The more we have these conversations now, the easier it becomes for the people we love to honour our wishes with confidence instead of uncertainty if we didn't get the time to do it before we leave this earth. End-of-life planning isn’t about choosing what everyone else expects. It’s about creating a goodbye that reflects the life you’ve lived and the legacy you want to leave behind.

Deathdoularandi.ca
Ontariocollegeofdeathdoulas.ca