Power In Your Hands

The latest in my series of attachment, attunement, resonance, and repair.

"Our instructor that day, Joe Weldon, introduced us to an idea some of his students had about how they should receive a client. 'I feel like I need to be totally open,' one said, and Joe demonstrated her posture: arms up and out, chest forward. This seemed apt at first: the posture evokes compassion, availability, and strength. It’s also the pose in a stock image of a white woman doing yoga by the ocean. Given the yoga-lady image’s ubiquity in the 'wellness' space, it’s no wonder that this kind, eager student had internalized it. Of course being 'totally open' is what is required, and of course that posture is what 'openness' looks like."

(Spoiler alert: it isn't, and it isn't. More below.)

The art of balanced response: attunement continued Keeping your stable base when confronted with another's emotions

"Misattunements aren’t (necessarily) severe conflicts, arguments, disagreements, or even mistakes. Often, they’re simply moments when the quality of one person’s attention did not match the other person’s emotional state.

Attunement, then, is simply this: matching your emotional and affective (that is, how you express your emotions outwardly) behavior to the person who is attempting to connect with you."

What is attunement? A supposedly natural way of relating that is actually learned

In memoriam: Chris Hammer, one of my greatest teachers and mentors, an intensely beautiful soul, and greatly missed figure in our Somatic Therapy world.

Read on below.

A more personal post for a Sunday. I've legally gone back to my "maiden" name, many-years post-divorce. I talk here about my shifting relationship to names, the intense legal process (and expense) of changing them, and thoughts on how this must impact people less privileged than myself, particularly trans people.

Changing your name is no joke In which I examine my various axes of privilege in the face of intense government bureaucracy

"They call it Somatic Experiencing!" I get a little salty over the NYT's coverage of what is apparently the latest hot therapeutic trend. If you enjoyed this, please share and subscribe!

The NYT talks somatics To which I say...eh?

Lesson Learning & Laughter wrote a great little piece about what happens when traumatized people (hello!) are in relationships with more securely attached people, and I've shared it in my Substack this week. As usual, if you like this, please hit one of the subscribe buttons and/or share it along!

Sharing some great comments on trauma and relationships And taking a small rest

Last year's Pride post, reshared here, is about my own journey as a protector. This year, I'm thinking about how to do that more. As always, if you like this, please subscribe and share.

It's Pride Month again. Protect trans people. A rerun about protection and family at a dark time

In case you want to see my talk from last week, or other people's, or read some posts of mine from earlier in the newsletter - here's all that in one place! As always, please hit subscribe to receive these in your email inbox.

Want to see my talk? Here's how to get it Plus, some early posts

I'm doing an event tomorrow on communication in polyamory. I hope you can join us. My interview is at 6pm EST, but the event goes all day, starting at noon EST (9am PST). My newsletter below has more details!

Tomorrow: Join me for a talk on communication in polyamory I'm getting interviewed with a bunch of other thinkers

On loss, healthy online spaces, and how connection can happen even outside touch.

Hold onto one another. On death, writing, and community