Pacatus

There's no script for sitting with someone at the end of life. But when words feel impossible, speak from the heart. Presence matters more than eloquence.

Things you don’t get told about after someone dies.

Is there any interest in a virtual Death Cafe while I get all my little ducks in a row over here?

Picture of my pug dressed up as a Boxtroll for attention.

I’ve heard this said in a few different ways by a few different people. I love the sentiment. Without love we cannot experience grief. Grief is love that has been displaced. Finding new ways to honour displaced love can be a big part of how we move through grief. But not being able to accept the connection can hold us back from healing.

Just like without light we cannot have dark, without love we live without grief. But who wants to live in the dark or without love?

A very large part of the challenges I faced this year was a change in career. And yes, you do experience grief in these times. Grief takes many forms. I left a career I had enjoyed for close to 30 years. Left a workplace where I had formed some very deep and real connections with some amazing people. It was a lot.

But I was very fortunate to be able to completely shift gears and I found work in the death care industry where my skills as a doula are actually in demand. Amazing.

I am now working for Guardian Pet Cremation Services in Edmonton. I could not be happier. Which I know sounds odd. But this is a truly fantastic, caring, empathetic company. I’m quite honoured to be a part of the team.

While my focus will be on pet loss, I will continue to support humans whenever possible. I am still very passionate about preparing for end of life. I want to get the book club going again and I have a new idea for something like a Death Cafe.

Please feel free to reach out with any questions. If you need support I am always available.

My plate may be full right now, but it is simply delicious.

Hello friends. It has been awhile. Happy and grateful to be back.

Life offered me some grand challenges and not a small amount of grief which had to be sorted, packed up with love and stored away with intention before I could concentrate on my work as a doula once again. In the time that I have been absent I have learned so much and my heart has grown.

Tonight I share with you the lotus. A symbol of rebirth and transition. Very timely as this is what we do in life time and time again, and lastly in death.

Look forward to reconnecting and learning with you all.

❤️

In the weeks after a death common acquaintances slowly return to their day to day lives. We begin to go longer and longer without thinking about the friend we lost. This is normal. But remember this is not the case for closer friends and family.

The rule of three can be helpful if you want to BE helpful. Do check ins. 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months. Set reminders if need be. Checking in with a simple how are you doing today is invaluable.

And never be afraid to talk about the person they lost. It generally brings comfort. Share a story. Ask a question. Be engaged. They have died, but they have not really gone away. Not for those who love them.

❤️