Transitions Life Coaching

"Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame.

It's a shield.

It's a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from flight."
~Brene Brown

I've love this quote because for so much of my life I lived with this belief. Or tried to.

A belief is just a thought we think over and over again. It doesn't necessarily mean it that it's true.

Looking back, I can say that perfection was my shield against fear.
Fear of failing.
Of not measuring up.
Feeling judged as not "good enough".
A story I created from very early on.

The reality is, trying to be "perfect" created inflexibility and rigidity within me.
I took on responsibility like it was my mission.
It became part of my ego.

The perfection shield is heavy. The focus I needed to carry it didn't allow me to have a wider perspective.
To relax without working myself to exhaustion.

To see and enjoy all the little bliss moments there are in each day.

To allow the love, help and support in times that I really needed it.

The shield kept me separate from others.
Isolated.

Except for rare occurrences, I wouldn't allow myself to be open-hearted, fully expressed...FREE!

Life is a beautiful thing, it continually gives us possibilities and opportunities to create new beliefs. To find the people, resources, and tools to heal.

To reconnect to who we truly are and find the courage to lay down our shields and stand bravely as who we are.

Is it time to lay down your shield?
I know, there is fear.
But we are stronger together.

Love,
Kirsten❤️

When a couple divorces, almost everything familiar to them changes.

Every couple has rituals whether they have been together for 3 months or 30 years.

Say your husband used to call on his way home from work every day at 4 pm. Now, you no longer get that call.
You have to get used to different rituals like drinking your morning coffee alone or preparing dinner for one less person.

Grief is ALL the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in a familiar pattern of behaviour. (Sadness, Relief, Anger, Frustration, Confusion, Resentment, etc)

Divorce, by definition, is a grieving experience.

You probably had hopes, dream and expectations about your marriage.

Then all of a sudden those hopes and dreams were gone.
There are lost hopes, dreams and expectations in all relationships, good or bad.

Three Things to Avoid When Moving Through Divorce.

1. Don’t Intellectualize Your Divorce

Divorce hurts.
It doesn’t matter if you initiated it or had no idea it was coming.
Some people use the reason for their divorce as justification as to why they shouldn’t feel sad about it.

“She cheated on me.”
“He didn’t appreciate me.”
“I’m the one who left him.”

The reasons for divorce have little to do with the grief caused by the divorce. You’ll have feelings no matter what the cause.

2. Don’t Pretend You’re Okay If You Aren’t

Society has taught us that the way to deal with grief is ‘be strong’. Meaning we should hide our feelings.

But emotions are normal and natural, especially after a significant loss.
Allow yourself to be honest about your feelings.
Be truthful when someone asks how you’re doing.

3. Don’t Replace The Loss

We’ve all heard the phrase, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”. There’s even an on-line dating app named for it!

All relationships are unique, no exceptions.
You can’t replace someone you love or loved.

Trying to find someone new before you’re emotionally complete with your divorce can end up sabotaging any future relationships, and hurt you further in the long run.

Divorce is the death of a relationship.
You deserve to heal your broken heart and move forward with greater peace and emotional freedom.

When you’re ready and willing to take the first step, I’m here to support and guide you.

[email protected]

Unresolved grief is almost always about the things we wish we had said or done differently, better, or more.

Like telling someone how much we loved them.
Or how important they were, and what they meant to us.

It's also about all the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations we had for a relationship or experience.

*Like when we go through divorce or a break-up.
*Or when we are estranged from a friend or family member.
*Or when that job or business didn't work out the way we hoped.

Or maybe you had plans for a milestone event that never got to happen, like a wedding, graduation, retirement, or dream vacation.

There are over forty life events that can leave us feeling emotionally incomplete.

And any one of these can limit our capacity for happiness moving forward.

Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small, correct choices, made by you!

My purpose, and the goal of The Grief Recovery Method, is to explain those actions choices to you and guide you in taking them.

Are you ready to move forward, emotionally free?

Let's talk!

Kirsten Frey
Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
www.tlclifecoaching.com

Because sometimes Life doesn’t turn out the way we planned, hoped or wished for.

This came across my feed today and it brought back a core memory.

My Dad always used to play the piano for a half hour after dinner. I used to curl up in the armchair in the living room and listen.

This song and the Maple Leaf Rag were favourites of his.
I don’t hear those songs very often but when I do, I always take a moment to connect to that memory in my heart.💕

Enjoy your day!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C30Kc18A9Kd/?igsh=NndsY2p0NXNrcnZv

Igor Levit performing Beethoven’s beloved “Moonlight Sonata” at Opus Klassik 2019 🌙

Unresolved is almost always about the things we wish we had said or done differently, or better.

Like telling someone how much we loved them.
Or how important they were, and what they meant to us.

It's also about all the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations we had for a or experience.

*Like when we go through divorce or a break-up.
*Or when we are estranged from a friend or family member.
*Or when that job or business didn't work out the way we hoped.

Or maybe you had plans for a milestone event that never got to happen, like a wedding, graduation, retirement, or dream vacation.

There are more than forty life events that can leave us feeling emotionally incomplete.

And any one of these can limit our capacity for happiness moving forward.

Recovery from is achieved by a series of small, correct choices, made by you!

My purpose, and the goal of The Grief Recovery Method, is to explain those actions choices to you and guide you in taking them.

Are you ready to move forward, emotionally free?

Let's talk!

Kirsten Frey
Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
[email protected]

I get asked a lot why I do Grief Recovery work.

People say; "You're such a positive person, don't you find it depressing listening to someone else's pain and sadness?"

No.

I believe, as Ram Dass said, "We're all just walking each other home."

I am forever grateful for those people (both professional and non-professional) who walked with me during the times of heartbreak and pain in my life.🙏

Who gently held space when I felt vulnerable and could no longer "be strong".
Who I trusted enough to admit that I wasn't "fine".
Who patiently listened and guided me into action when I was ready.

It's a tremendous privilege to walk a little way with others on their healing journey, so they know they're not alone.💞

And I'm so honoured to be able to do that now for others.
To be that trusted space and a 'heart with ears' when life feels heavy.

Kirsten💜

Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist
Transformational Life Coach
Reiki Guide
www.tlclifecoaching.com

"When someone is broken, don't try to fix them.
(You can't)

When someone is hurting, don't attempt to take away their pain.
(You can't)

Instead, love them by walking beside them in the hurt.
(You can)

Because sometimes what people need is simply to know they aren't alone."
(Tiny Buddha)

It's hard to watch someone we know and love move through a painful time in their life.
Their pain is so raw, real, and PRESENT.

We may feel uncomfortable and awkward with the enormity of their loss and hurt.

We struggle to know the 'right' thing to say.
To help them feel better in some small way.

The reality is, there is no 'right' way'.

Pain is part of our healing process.

Trying to ignore or suppress the natural emotions that come with a significant loss only extends the time it takes to heal.

Allowing ourselves to BE with them in the difficult time is a gift.

Not to fix, advise, analyze, or judge, but to be a 'heart with ears'.
To be willing to witness their pain and not run away from it.

To let them know they're not alone.❤️

Kirsten Frey
Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist
www.tlclifecoaching.com

Wednesday Wisdom