Compassionate Path Therapy

I challenge you:

After you’ve been critical to yourself, how would you describe yourself right now? Is it how someone else has described you?

Criticism is only constructive if it is actionable.

Are you telling yourself things you cannot use to TRULY do better? If so, create space for yourself to try to one or all of these tips.

I enjoy writing. I have several journals from my childhood to now. At one point I wanted to be an author.

Though writing is not a dream of mine any longer, I have been exploring mental health topics through writing and posting on LinkedIn for the past few years and I will be posting them here on Facebook.

It has personally been a journey using social media in this way. I have been trying to be compassionate with myself stating, change is not easy but to grow shifts must occur.

I hope you too find joy in something new. Try combining with something you already know you love!

Empathy is, according to Merriam-Webster, “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another”
What is happening to equity deserving communities of all kinds in our world is abhorrent. There are some days I feel like the news I hear and read is unfathomable.

It is ok to be angry. Anger allows us to understand what needs to end, or boundaries to set in our own lives. It is ok that this is affecting you. Having less care for others won’t move us forward.
Being willing to understand those around you is simple but can make a difference.

The world is a reflection of us.

Safe places and sensations are something you can build.

🎵Play music that brings peace.

👕 Wear safe clothing or use a blanket of your choosing.

🫂Choose to be around people you feel loved by and reflect on memories that make you feel empowered or happy.

Safety can be built as well as found! 🤍

Trust is known as something that is built overtime but can be easily taken away. Doris Brothers worked with 3 concepts of trust in her research: trust in others, trust in self with regard of others and trust with regard of oneself, or self-trust (Govier, 1993).

Trust in others requires each person to see their responsibility to act when someone is experiencing an emergency, protect the vulnerable and not deserting loved ones in need. Trust with regard of others requires to see ourselves as someone who can be there for others and our loved ones. And trust in self is described by Brothers as “being able to cope with the world and the self”. It is self-acceptance: acceptance of shortcomings, having faith that you can adapt when changes happen (Govier, 1993). Using this framework, trust involves interdependence and autonomy. We need people in our lives who support us which can help us support ourselves. Humans are made to connect. But, at times we can doubt ourselves even when we receive support.

Self-doubt is a protective behaviour (Hermann, Leonardelli & Arkin, 2002). Protective behaviours are not indicative of your true abilities or what you are worth. Identifying when these behaviours come up for you can be the first step in building self-trust.
So, I ask you, do you trust yourself?

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Govier, T. (1993). Self‐trust, autonomy, and self‐esteem. Hypatia, 8(1), 99-120.
Hermann, A. D., Leonardelli, G. J., & Arkin, R. M. (2002). Self-doubt and self-esteem: A threat from within. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(3), 395-408.

Trust requires us to see ourselves as someone who can be there for others, believe others will be there for us, and be there for ourselves.

Psychologist Doris Brothers stated trust with regard of self is “being able to cope with the world and the self”. It could be interpreted as self-acceptance:

💙Acceptance of shortcomings
🤍Having faith that you can adapt
Do you view your shortcomings as all you’re capable of?

Acknowledging our thoughts and emotions can allow us to experience them fully and therefore allow them to pass.

These are suggestions you can use in your own life to help you not to get rid of what you feel but possibly become more comfortable with them.

I was so grateful to get the opportunity to be a guest speaker for the youth mentorship program at Jaku Konbit and provide mental health lens, if needed, for We All Write: Mother, Love her by Abena Beloved Green and Agnes Appiah this month.

When asked to make a presentation for Jaku Konbit I was very excited. I knew immediately I wanted to give a presentation on emotions.

I started by discussing myths of emotions like that they are always the truth, they are too much, others control how I feel, or that we are always supposed to feel happy. The kids stated they resonated with all these myths. I explored brain structures involved with emotion because I hoped to ground the mentors and mentees in that emotions do not come from nowhere, which would reinforce the societal view we hold of emotions: they are not needed. No, emotions are built into our physiology. Then I used Dialectical Behaviour Therapy’s proposed purposes of emotions to combat the myths. The mentees provided me with their life experiences and perspectives through out and I think it reinforced how these myths do not help anyone learn or build compassion for themselves and others.

The conversations surrounding mother love and wounds was very beautifully conducted. The group I had the fortune of listening to wanted to discuss the two opposing truths of their lived experience: that people they love so dearly and want to care for have hurt them. The conversations were nuanced and was spoken about with a lot of care.

With writing the presentation, working with my clients, and travelling I took a break from the lowest thing on my list of priorities which was posting on social media. There was a lot to celebrate, and I feel very thankful and now I am feeling recharged.

While on Instagram one day I saw a Threads post stating that if their therapist uses the words nervous system that is a red flag.

My first reaction was confusion. I assumed the person who posted this was from the United States so possibly therapists where they live should not be discussing nervous system in session. I looked through some of the comments and there wasn’t further explanation of what they meant. Though, there were other people agreeing with them.

Siting with my reaction further and comparing my own lived experience maybe their therapist did not have any education in neuroscience. I have a degree in neuroscience and mental health, so I am not weary of using the words nervous system.

Here is my own concise definition of the nervous system. I will reference Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care (2023). There will be some things I will be leaving out.

The nervous system comprises all the nerve cells in the body. These nerves are connected and make a system. This system helps us interpret the outside world by our senses collecting information and this same system controls the body’s functioning. These nerve cells or neurons have a particular structure to be able to pass along signals neuron to neuron.

I am touching my keyboard to type every word you are reading. My fingertips do not have damaged nerve cells, so I feel the heat, since I am on a laptop, and the smooth texture of each key. The neurons by way of me feeling my keyboard, send information quickly to my brain. I use my past experiences, which is stored in my nervous system to interpret this as typing.

Two main parts are the central and peripheral nervous system. They are differentiated due to where it’s located in our body. The central nervous system are the nerves in the brain and the spinal cord. The peripheral nervous system is all the nerves outside of these two areas. Within the peripheral nervous system there are the autonomic nervous system and the somatic nervous system. In the autonomic nervous system, which regulates automatic bodily functions like breathing and your heart beating, this is where the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) lies.

The somatic nervous system regulates things we are, usually quite, aware of and can change like the muscles that move our arms.
I hope the term nervous system is less ambiguous. Now with that said, I still wondered how this could be a red flag. Maybe this person’s therapist misused it? I do not want to assume the therapist was doing this maliciously, one because I do not know how one would do that, and two I do not want to assume intent. I am missing so much information!

I have a therapist myself. I do not think the discovery of my therapist misusing a term is something that would stop me from seeing them.

A red flag a therapist could demonstrate in my opinion is one who does not ‘walk the walk’. They are rude, they are not open to feedback, they do not try their best to repair ruptures, they are revealing client’s private information, and they forcefully push their personal beliefs on clients.

Through experience and communication, we can understand if something, if it is not blatantly harmful, is not right for us. Through experiencing things we make errors, make the right decision at the right time or have a neutral result. Through communication, even if uncomfortable, we can get information to make a decision. The way to refine our warning systems is to be curious and to communicate.

Would a therapist using the term nervous system make you worry? Would you communicate that worry to them?

Protecting yourself is neutral: it can be great to listen to that internal warning system we have, or it can be unnecessary. Slowing down will help to figure out which will be most helpful to you.