Ethar Hamid, aka "fat coffee," aka "black coffee, large" BCL

ocial/cultural/political issues. My main issue right now though is that I have a lot of cognitive problems and I guess trauma problems, mainly because of my mental disorder and bad memories from the past. I have serious follow-through issues, and I guess intrusive thoughts and negative behaviors that I can’t rly control. And so book editing may not be the best thing for me, actualy. I think what I’ll do instead is; i’l work odd jobs around the neighborhood for the next decade or so, lol. (I’ll try to find work at libraries, after-school tutoring centers, thrift stores, cat shelters, and so on.) After that, I’ll see what I can do—I’ll see what’s possible, after that.
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Actually, the main jobs I’ve truly considered in the past were.. grant writer, nonprofit program coordinator, book editor, teacher, graphic designer. I’ve done volunteer work/internships or taken college classes in each of those disciplines, except ‘nonprofit program coordinator.’ None of them rly fit me.
- I also considered or imagined myself working as a social worker, educational administrator of some sort, and nonprofit leader or head.
-I have a feeling or inkling that the creative professions or crafts professions, as competitive and *freelance* as they often are (like creative writing, illustration, and animation..) are more for me and in sympathy with my specific type of cognitive difficulties, my interests, personality, and etc., than most other industries are. -I've had my eye on 'the helping professions' for quite some time, now.. but maybe that general field or interest area isn't for everyone, by any means. Maybe I should forget it, once and for all. -let it go with a lot of annoyance and noise on its part, if it wants to...but I should let it go, nonetheless.
-I think (maybe) a lot of ppl have come to the creative industry this same way. -Literally; everything else was closed off on them...though they had genuinely wanted what are called 'office jobs,' or 'nonprofit/corporate careers,' or 'social service/public service/leader/administrator/helper types of things. The helping professions, as I call them.
-they realized through time that they are unable and/or unwilling to truly be part of that sector, though. lol.. �

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I think once you clear away any irrelevant expectations for yourself (expectations that don’t rly have to do with anything. They’re simply inflated expectations, or unrealistic/unnecessary demands on yourself. Which you’ve rly quite harshly placed on yourself, for some weird reason)—once that goes away, then you truly can flourish and prosper. You can breathe again, lol. You realize that there’s no need to be somebody that you’re rly not, or that you're unable to fully be, or actualize in yourself. From yourself; from within your own efforts. You don’t have to do something like that. there's no real forcing of yourself, in most things, in life. life is about choices, for the most part. -making the right choices for yourself is rly hard, in many cases. -some ppl will look down on you for your life that you've built for yourself. -perhaps they don't truly know you, though.�� half of the people who make fun of you don't even know you.

-in my case, it became somewhat easy to cross off most of those ‘elite roles’ or careers. mainly because I actually do have bad concentration and cognitive problems. I'm diagnosed schizoaffective disorder and generalized anxiety. The plan for the upcoming decade (ten yrs) of my life is to: work various jobs around the community, similar to the aforementioned. Especially things like 'library assistant, after-school tutor, shelter worker, thrift stores,' etc. And to also be a frelance writer, illustrator, animator. -I'll re-assess my situation in ten years, or less.
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-studied English lit. at NOVA community college (northern Virginia community college), and at George Mason. c: am now trying my best to finish up my degree, at univesity of Iowa. through distance learning. I’m doing their Ba in liberal studies, program c:
classes I rly and genuinely suffered thru (most of it was bad, I never understood why I had to do any of the assignments): composition I and II; advanced composition; English grammar; intro to the nonprofit sector; intro to comparative politics; the art of revision//editing for clarity and impact; intro to grant writing; intro to mass/media communication; intro to computing--IT 103 � which was a complete joke, I took it by accident, pretty much); nonfiction writing workshop; postmodern nonfiction literature.; modern American literature; etc. I suppose I took some beneficial foundation/intro classes, and some advanced-level composition/essay classes. and like five literature classes, actualy. -I was secretary of the Muslim students association (msa), while I was at NOVA, Loudoun county campus. -I was published by the undergrad literary mag., while I was at George Mason c:
-other than that, though, I say f*** college. it's a waste of time and money. most of those skills and stuff can be learned in a six-month to one-year internship, I think. I shouldn't have went. hindsight is always 20/20


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I'm about belief in god with no formal religion. I believe in god, and in a higher purpose and plan to life. *even if there is no god and no afterlife, it's ok. favorite quotes;
-silence is the language of god. all else is poor translation. -rumi :3
- 'so remember Me -- I will remember you.' -qur'an, 2:152
- John 15:18-19

-there's a search engine bar on the top-right corner c: u can search for stuff that was posted on tihs page, in the past c:
ty , freidn. ���