A Quality-Focused Life

As summer begins to wind down and the leaves begin to turn, I can’t help but reflect on how long some of these days seem in the moment, yet how quickly time flies. No one knows that better than a person with a life-limiting or terminal illness and their loved ones.

In the Dying to Tell You podcast (), Chaplain Cody Hufstedler talks with people facing difficult diagnosis’s and their journey towards the end of their lives.

Sounds depressing, right?! Seriously, this couldn’t be further from the truth!

Prepare to be inspired and truly moved as you listen to DTTY podcast and experience the joy, the gratitude, and the beautiful humanity of living fully present through the eyes of Cody’s guests.

Your only regret will be that you didn’t find it sooner!

For anyone else who may have woken up randomly at 330am this morning feeling guilty for not visiting a loved one’s grave yesterday, even though the thought of actually going itself is triggering even after almost 17 years, hear me say this… they are not there. A visit to the cemetery should be for you: to remember, to reflect, to pay respect. Truth be told, you probably do this every single day without needing a holiday or other prompting, as their memory is intertwined in everything you do and who you have become.

You do NOT have to visit their grave to respect and honor them. They will not be disappointed or miss your visit. You are not dishonoring them, saying they didn’t matter, or that their absence isn’t felt every single day since they’ve been gone.

So let that s**t go.

Remember them in ways that bring you closer to healing not further away from it.

Grief is a crazy thing. ❤️‍🩹

Amazing read for my fellow healthcare providers!

Caring for the critically and/or chronically ill is a balance between honoring the patient’s wishes and doing no harm. Often that line of ethics may feel crossed or at least blurred. This is a major contributor to staff burnout and moral injury.

Recentering our purpose to honoring the patient’s wishes vs what we would or would not want for ourselves or our loved ones can help us find peace and purpose in the care we provide.

Remember, our patients and families do not have the experiences we have and we don’t not have the emotional connection to the patient as they have. We are coming from different perspectives.

We can provide education, but in the end, patient and family autonomy is what we would truly want for ourselves. We must honor this in our patients even when it runs counter to our own beliefs and experiences.

The Balancing Act of Caring for the Dying For healthcare professionals it is often a balancing act to care for patients and then deal with the sense of futility that is triggered when they are doing their job...

Great thoughts on National Medical Decisions Day

We can’t see ourselves as being dead. Other people die, not me or anyone close to me is what we think about end of life. Also, if I think about my death or dying then that means I will die, maybe it is a premonition, maybe thinking about it will make it happen! We have all sorts of fears around dying and death so we keep thoughts of end of life at bay. We are like ostriches who bury their heads in the sand thinking no one will see them; we don’t address end of life issues. We think death will not happen to us.
What will happen to us if we don’t outline how we want our dying experience to be (detailed in an Advance Directive) is that we will probably die in a hospital, with broken ribs from having our heart stop and CPR given, on a ventilator breathing for us, our body probably non responsive to what is going on around and about us, food being given to us through a tube in our stomach or an IV in our arm, a catheter in our bladder and someone cleaning the p**p from our behind.—Not a pretty picture. Not how most of us envision the end of our life.
If doctors can fix my ailing body, can return me to some semblance of activity and quality then by all means lets try BUT don’t get me to the place I described above. That is why I have an Advance Directive. With an Advance Directive if my body can’t be fixed I want to go home to my bedroom, with my cats on my own bed, my family coming and going, the activities of living all around me until I close my eyes and don’t wake up.
These are my thoughts on National Healthcare Decisions Day. Let’s make our decisions- today!

When thinking about advanced care planning, end of life, or decisions involving progressive or terminal disease, the question is not IF I die but WHEN I am dying.

We all are on the same journey. We just have different paths and timelines. EVERYONE DIES.

If you are faced with a life-limiting illness or progressive disease or know someone who is please find some hope and perspective in the beautiful article shared by End Well.

Knowing your life is limited helps us live in the moment. Consider putting in place documents and having conversations with loved ones so that your end of life is full of living and not dying.

Keli

‘My life will be short. So on the days I can, I really live’: 30 dying people explain what really matters Facing death, these people found a clarity about how to live

People don't die like they do on TV and aggressive measures, including CPR, is not gentle. If the real description of CPR is too difficult to hear, please fast forward to 2:55 where he talks about decision making when facing difficult choices in care.

Bottom line: Ask your provider, "Would CPR benefit me or my loved one given our current state of illness?"

If the answer is "unlikely" please consider a DNR. Treatment DOES NOT STOP. We simply will not do CPR or life support in an attempt bring you back from death if your heart stops.

With only a 20% survival rate for those who code in the hospital, it is important to co sider how you or your loved one would want to spend the last minutes, hours, or days of their life.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C31ncGBOKCO/?igsh=MXh5M2h3ZDNwNXZ1cg==

What CPR actually looks like.

I really felt this. Thank you Hospicenursejulie 😊

Excerpt from my book: Nothing to Fear- Demystifying Death To Live More Fully.

For providers and newer death workers, communicating the death of a patient to their loved ones can be incredibly difficult.

Struggling to find the words to convey the finality of death clearly and with empathy and respect can lead many of us dreading these conversations, often fumbling through, leaving us feeling awkward and unsettled.

You may be surprised to hear that multiple studies have shown that using the words "died" or "death" instead of "passed" or "gone," etc. is unequivocally the BEST words to use.

Let's normalize death by talking about... death.

Give Everyone Dies a follow and this a listen for more!

Why do we fear using the word "died"? Life is full of sorrow & pain, yet death is still an awkward topic—let's just . Listen here to learn more: http://ow.ly/Fg1g50OsH4h

As a bedside nurse, a calm, supportive environment for the dying patient is beneficial for both the patient and the family, providing time for reflection and patient-centered comfort based on their preferences.

What preferences or requests do you have for when you approach the end of your life? Do you decision makers know these preferences so they can facilitate this if you are unable?

Any supplemental comfort therapies we can use are always helpful. In the months before death anything that relaxes can enhance the medicine and even create a situation where less medication is needed.

Music, massage, meditation, hypnosis, and Reiki, all have a place in the months before death. In the weeks to hours before death music, Reiki, and massage can produce relaxation. Again, the key to getting out of our body is to relax, so anything that helps relaxation is beneficial…

Page 11 of Pain At End of Life by Barbara Karnes, RN

Many view a chronic diagnosis as a battle to fight.

"He's such a fighter!"
"This disease will not win!"
"He's been battling this for years now! He's so strong!"

Though this narrative sounds powerful and positive, what happens if or when things take a turn and the daily suffering and overcoming begins to feel too much to bear?

To not fight, to not "be a fighter " to choose hospice care means what?

To give up?
To lose?
To become weak?

Many facing progressive disease and end of life worry more about the ones they leave behind than dying itself. They don't want to "give up" and cause additional suffering for their loved ones, be seen as weak, or sacrifice precious time.

Be it from chronic or progressive disease or some other cause, we are all on the same road leading to death. We all simply walk at a different pace.

Making the goal to live A Quality-Focused Life, where we continue to do all the things to cure or manage the disease filled with hope and expectation, but elevating, appreciating, and living presently day to day, knowing that the end can come anytime for any of us could be a better focus.

Something to think about.

RIP Toby Keith

Toby Keith - Don't Let the Old Man In (Official Lyric Video) Official Lyric Video for "Don't Let the Old Man In" by Toby Keith.Stream more music from Toby Keith: https://stream.lnk.to/TobyKeithIDSubscribe to Toby Keith...