ABH Images

Night falls, again
The dance begins a familiar step
Where we move softly
To that gentle undulation
An ending that begins a slow swirl
Of what was or what might have been
Or what would never be
The darkness, oh friend of mine
Pull me close like a lover forever
Away from the cold, icy light
that traps my sorrow

Wrestling with my inner demons
Do I win? Or am I pinned?
Will they haunt
Or taunt
Do they know how much they hurt
Toy with a bitter edge
Not a care have they
They have their way

I rise
Like the cruel moon after the sun dies
A cold light drenching the soul with shadow
I find solace in that silent solitude
Wraps around the numbing
Rises through the stars

I know it’s not my fault
But I can’t say that I’m blameless
Carry the pain ‘til it stops
Undress it until it’s nameless
Someday the world will stop
And it will feel just like this did
I know it’s not my fault
Sometimes it feels like I did this
Oh, oh
Someday I’ll be able to let you go
Oh, oh
Someday I’ll be kinder to myself

I know it’s not my fault
But I can’t say that I’m blameless
Carry the pain ‘til it stops
Undress it until it’s nameless

Someday, the world will stop
And it will feel just like this did
I know it’s not my fault
But sometimes it feels like I did this

I’ve got a blue motel room with a blue bedspread
I’ve got the blues inside and outside my head
Will you still love me when I call you up when I’m down?

Deep in slumber I drift
from not knowing where I've been
to not seeing where I am
and afraid of what lies ahead
What will the world be when I awake
If I open my eyes?

Friends say, it’s time to move on
That somehow there is a place to end grief
A period in a sentence of loss
Sleep that is restless, fitful, erratic
lost in dark, silent wood
A mirror with no reflection of the past
And no portal to the future
I remain, still

People say that it’s water under the bridge
As if it runs placid, peacefully quiet
But what if it’s turmoil, roiling and loud
Cascading through crevices, tumbling over rocks
Scouring the stream bed and
It deepens
When the bridge falls into its chasm
Do I leap or do I fall?

The long day passes in silence
Shadows draw long, the smoldering orange settles
Where do you go?
I wait here, my stillness that silences
The ache in my heart that
gently tears at my soul

People say “have faith” when there’s nothing else to say

Polite conversations that try to be genuine but just become awkward silent pauses and unease

“Reach out if you need anything” is the period, and the well meaning exit

I sit.

Quiet tears and silent screams, cold hands clasped tight

Squeezing remnants of memories, choking life back into them

Squeezing a heart that just wants to break into spinning little pieces

Of a sad love that might have never been