Jeff Jacobson

Most people think this message is about sexual orientation. It's not. At least not yet. At that age, it's about something much simpler but still so damaging.

A little boy starts pulling back from his brothers, his friends, the kids he used to just play with, because somewhere there's a line and he doesn't know where it is. So he plays it safe. He starts watching himself. And without anyone saying it directly, he learns that there's something in him he's not supposed to love.

That's a heavy thing to carry before you're old enough to understand why.

We talk a lot about protecting children from adult content. But nobody talks about this. Telling a child 'don't be gay' is introducing sexuality before they have any concept of what that even means. They're not thinking about love or attraction or marriage. They just like what they like. This message lands way before they can make sense of it and way before it's appropriate.

There's a lot to sit with here, but it's worth discussing.

"Don't be a girl." Here's where it gets really complicated. Little boys don't understand the rule. They just know there is one. So they start running everything through a filter: Is this too girly? Am I allowed to like this? Art. Asking for help. Being too close to people. All of it gets flagged.

And for heterosexual boys, there's a painful double whammy. The person they fall in love with is also someone they've been taught is less than. You can't build something equal on that foundation. It was never set up to be.

What part of this hit closest to home? I'd love to hear it in the comments.

The final Kind Lab of the season is here. And it's the one where everything comes together. ✨️

Kindness isn't just one thing. It's honest and playful, clear and vulnerable, sweet and real. Join Nina Simonds and me on June 18th as we integrate all five pathways together.

Come be a kinder, more human, more effective coach. (Also...have you seen how pretty it is outside? That alone is reason enough.) 🌿

🗓️ Thursday, June 18, 2026
🕛️ 12:00–1:30pm PT / 3:00–4:30pm ET
💻️ Virtual via Zoom
🔗 Link in bio

"Don't be a girl." This affects everyone.

Before we even get into it, just sit with what that does on the surface. Little boys, who have sisters, cousins, moms, grandmothers, aunts, classmates, people they love and play with, grow up with the message that there's something wrong with being like them. Something to avoid. Something lesser.

That's just the beginning. There's a lot more to unpack here, and we'll be covering it together.

But what's coming up for you right off the top? Drop it in the comments. Let's discuss.

Human babies have the longest period of dependency of any species on earth. We are literally wired to need each other. And we shame boys for it from the very beginning.

Instead of saying, "You'll get there, just not yet," we send them into a lifetime of not trusting their own needs. That's where this comes from: The man who can't ask for help. The man who has to prove he's not weak. The man who's still running from that needy little kid he was told never to be.

What's coming up for you? Drop it in the comments.

A common thread in many of my recent coaching sessions are summer reunions. These reunions can serve the plot and help us pull back and remember who we used to be, and who we've become.

As a coach, a comment like this could be a great opportunity to dig in and discover more. What does that plot device reveal about their character?

Plot devices like a reunion are rich entry points into the story of someone's life.

A toddler literally cannot hold their bowels, feed themselves, or stop falling over. And we tell them not to be that way.

"Don't be a baby" is just another way of saying don't be your age. Don't need anyone. Don't trust your own body. Over time that message doesn't go away. It just gets louder. Build the muscles. Prove you're not weak. Prove you're not that needy little kid. That's what a lifetime of 'don't be a baby' actually looks like.

Where do you still see this playing out? Tell me below.