My Husband's Sleepwalking Quote of the Night:

Me: babe, go to bed. You're snoring
Him: I'M NOT SNORING! IF I WAS SNORING I'D BE REMINISCING OF SOME BOND GIRLS!

Me: ....dafuq....?

IT'S ONE OF THE TOP 5 AT LEAST. YOU GOTTA HAVE CLEAN HYGIENE! *singing* BRUSHING YOUR TEEEEEETH, WASHING UUUUP!!!

I GOT A UH....I GOT A WEB REDEMPTION.

*jumps up out of bed starts to dance*
UGH HUH UGH HUH (sounding like the monster in young frankenstein)
me: what are you doing?
THAT'S WHAT THEY DO *dances while pointing to crotch* UGH HUH UH. *crawls back into bed*
Me: w...t...f... ? >_

30 MINUTES? HOW AWESOME HER JET PACK IS!!!

WAIT!
*shuffling through the blankets*
I CAN'T FIND IT! I CAN'T FIND IT!
me: find what?
MOM???

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!! OH...I WISH, I WISH I HADN'T KILLED THAT FISH....
(I can't stop laughing)

MMHMM. HMMHMM
me: what?
AWESOME COLUMN WITH HIS ROCKET HEAD GIRLFRIEND.
me: huh?
I KNOW, BUT ITS DIFFERENT!!

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DON'T NEED... I DONT NEED SOMEONE STANDING OVER ME, LOOKING AT MY PLATE AND TELLING ME I'M NOT EATING ENOUGH!!
..NO, NOT YOU BOY.

THEY SUCK BALLS! THEY SUCK BALLS.
me: who
THE DIAPER ROOM PEOPLE!

(looks like the "new dad" dreams have started) :)

My Husband's Sleepwalking Quote of the Night:

*while crying* DENNIS QUAID IS HERE...

*while crying* DENNIS QUAID IS HERE...

IS THAT CHORIZO.
Me: .... Chorizo ?
MMMMHMMM
me: you wanna eat chorizo ?
OH, I'M GONNA!!!!

*MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE*
me: what?
THE EYES!!! I HAVE TO GET THE EYES. (starts jumping on the bed grabbing at the ceiling) I NEED TO GET THE EYES!!!! (falls off the bed, gets back up. curls into a ball and passes out)
me: w..t....f.....

me: babe, the dog needs to go out. do you want to take him out to p*e?
him: WE'LL FIND A SCORCHING HOT BUCKET!!
me:.... >_< ok. i'll take him.

luckily it hasn't happened in the fridge. The closet, trash and pantry, yes... but not the fridge...yet.

HE DANCED WITH ME FOR LIKE OVER AN HOUR!
me: who
MR TEENY
me:who's that?
THE MONKEY, HE HAS A LITTLE RED HAT.

SO, I'M JUST GOING TO MAKE MYSELF THE LUCKIEST PERSON ALIVE!!
me: ...how?
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO JUST ROLL MY WAY! YOU'LL SEE! INSTEAD OF ALL THE BULLS*T.

I GOT YOU A TABLET.
me: you did!
YEAH!
me: well...where is it?
(he wakes up)
OH, IT MUST HAVE BEEN IN MY DREAM RIGHT NOW
me: no fair..
IT WAS A ZACH MORRIS TABLET.
me: why do you always get me the cool sh*t in your dreams?

LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO HELP. BUT YOU'RE STILL AN A**HOLE, AND THAT'S JUST FACTS.

Does anyone have any recurring dreams?

I DIDN'T DO IT! I DIDN'T DO IT! TELL YOUR BOYS!!!. TELL YOUR BOYS!!!!
ME: who's the boys?
THE COPS!!! I DIDN'T DO IT.
me: you're gonna get it....

SEPTEMBER 2012....0,10 *FART* YEAH IT'S A 10

HEY NICE THROW MAN...(30 seconds later) ......HEY HOTTIE!!! HOW YOU DOIN'? (wonder if they are the same person)

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MY NEIGHBORS PAY FOR THEIR HOUSE? 750. KNOW HOW MUCH THEY BRING IN? 57. YOU DO THE MATH.

LETS DO ANYTHING BESIDES THAT! I'M GONNA BANG MY DAUGHTERS HOT FRIEND LIKE A DIRTY OLD F*CKIN MAN.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE WORLD TODAY? PEOPLE ACT LIKE THEY AIN'T GOT NO MOMMA!

My Husband's Sleepwalking Quote of the Night:'s cover photo

IF I HAVE ACES AND YOU HAVE 4'S AND YOU HIT THE MIRACLE WELL THEN F*CK YOU BUDDY.

THAT'S YOU SPILLIN' OVER THE SCALES !!!!BLEGH BLEGH BLEGH

OH NO... DON'T! ILL ..JUST LET ME..NO...DON'T CALL ME ON THE PHONE....DO

I"M SOOO JEALOUS! I'M SO JEALOUS. GET DRESSED!

I'M THE MAN!!!!! I'M THE F*CKIN MAN BABY!!!!!!!!!!

I ONLY F*CKED HER BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!!! THAT'S WHY I F*CKED HER..... ON THE COUCH CAUSE I LOVE YOU.