Life Coaching with Bells

In Tumultuous Times, Think Like a Hostage Feeling like a hostage? Learn psychological strategies from POWs and hostages to maintain resilience, resist despair, and plan for a brighter future in these turbulent times.

I'm moving away from meta and you can find me on discord or signal.

I might be on here occasionally supposed something like it about the post after this... I really don't consider this a safe space anymore.

Discord userID:
Lifecoach.contactin.bio

Signal ID:
Bells.42

I will no longer be using facebook.

If you would like to keep in touch with me you may reach me via the signal app (signal.org/install) username: bells.42

Or you may find me on discord, username:
lifecoach.contactin.bio

Thank you

Signal Messenger: Speak Freely Say "hello" to a different messaging experience. An unexpected focus on privacy, combined with all of the features you expect.

Reading books with animal characters can help to develop theory of the mind in children and is likely to help autistic people to better develop their theory of the mind and therefore help with reading emotional status of other people during interactions 🙏🏻

People of any age that have trouble with that or trouble with empathy, should consider reading fantasy books that have animal characters emoting 🌈

Animal Characters in Children's Books Boost Theory of Mind - Neuroscience News Animal characters in children's books can significantly boost their theory of mind skills, which are essential for understanding social cues.

Instead of allowing this article to be directed at you personally and directly... Instead read it as all of the red flags to be aware of when interacting with others 🙏🏻

The article in and of itself reads pretty negatively and is kind of jarring if you are reading it and trying to assess whether or not you are a difficult person to be around. But instead if you read it as a cautionary tale then it's much easier to read and it makes really good points and explains why those things are true in very clear ways 🙏🏻🥰🌈

The last one is someone being a drama magnet... Honestly that should be the first one.

I remember in my '30s saying to somebody that my life was very calm but the lives of everyone around me was drama-filled. And since I didn't have good boundaries at the time that meant their drama splashed into my life. And since I didn't have good boundaries the people with drama were drawn to me.

So all of us can see the red flags in this amazing article even though it is stated very negatively 🥰🙏🏻

And if you do happen to discover something about yourself... Don't worry about it and don't beat yourself up... Just work on it like we all do 🥰

8 signs you’re actually an exhausting person to deal with, according to psychology Ever wonder if you’re a bit of a challenge to be around? Look, we all have our moments. But sometimes,

Sometimes when we are feeling down or lost we just don't know what to do... In this cartoon gives examples of scientifically proven things that We can try before for an immediate shift towards the better 🙏🏻

Such as sometimes when we're grumpy or feel defensive we might simply be hungry... A meal high in protein can often shift us into a better state 🥰

COMIC: Science-backed mood boosters to (almost instantly) snap you out of a funk Six techniques to energize you when you feel sluggish and relax you when you feel stressed. Feel the transformation in 15 minutes or less.

I don't actually know who this person is, but reading through this I'm so happy that he is sharing his experience with readers and listeners on the radio. Normalizing this kind of experience and using it to transition our behavior into something that will help us better support those around us and help us to better achieve our needs and goals... Is fantastic.

I'm sorry that his marriage is ending in divorce, and I hope they both grow and heal.

I'm happy to hear his story is one of asking for help and getting it... And also sharing with others that he is getting help... And explaining how it's helping him.

This is all incredibly powerful and I'm happy that a cis het white male is behaving beyond those parameters 🙏🏻🥰🌞🌈

Jax Taylor Realizes He's a Narcissist After Mental Health Treatment Jax Taylor explained how his stay at an in-patient treatment facility helped him learn more about narcissism — and how it applies to him

I grew up as someone who needed excitement and now I seek calmness and I no longer feel the need for excitement.

For myself this was a part of the healing journey where the only thing that could blip on my radar was energy that was higher than the energy I already had... And I was somebody who personally carried a lot of anger and frustration. I had a very terrible and abusive childhood, and although I had worked through it, I hadn't necessarily healed all of it.

There was something in my life that allowed a huge catharsis and that was the beginning of that very much needed healing. When the volume of my past became quieter than the need for excitement went down because the background noise wasn't as loud so to speak.

Suddenly the smaller things were able to have the volume necessary to reach me... And eventually calm came to me as the thing that I was seeking.

Once calm had become my focus my sense of satisfaction in life went up greatly. I wish this for everyone 🙏🏻🌈

Calmness Is the Most Exciting Romantic Experience Romantic excitement is often stormy, but in our speedy society, dynamic calmness is the new romantic excitement.

Many times when we have a lot going on in our lives it's really difficult to do something that we consider to be basic or easy... And that is often because when we are not overloaded with a bunch of emotions or a bunch of things that need to be done right away... Then it would be really easy to do the task.

Strategies for how to manage our process during those times is very important and for some of us those times are all of the time 🙏🏻 those of us that are neurodivergent in the sense of being autistic or having ADHD or having an anxiety disorder etc... Prepping to do the thing that We think should be easy we'll make it suddenly attainable whereas otherwise it would not.

If we know that we need to do a big thing tomorrow then setting it up the night before will help to alleviate a lot of stress and can help us overcome what we perceive as executive dysfunction 🙏🏻

Prepping in advance might mean we have to live with things being in that order before we go to bed... But it also could mean that we are able to jump into action whereas otherwise we would not.

The below article gets into it more in depth 🌻🌻🌻

The Hidden Hazard of Work to Do Work If you dread a task, chances are you’re facing an unseen enemy: work to do work. Often we have many hidden steps to complete before we start a task, and that can be exhausting.

Sometimes we need to disconnect and disassociate... It's not unhealthy to use the tool... But you can also use it in an unhealthy way.

To avoid the pitfalls of unhealthy disassociation It's important to disconnect from the things that help us to disassociate so that we can maintain our connections with ourself and others 🙏🏻🌈

Another term for emotional labor is "mental load"... It's the process of remembering and prioritizing and being proactive and the planning stages...

Historically the mental load/emotional labor went to the female presenting humans... Because it also includes things such as noticing and paying attention... Noticing that the house looks dirty or messy... Paying attention to when the bills need to be paid or when milk needs to be bought before it runs out...

Sadly, our society hasn't caught up with this construct inequity as much as it has some inequities 🙏🏻

When we look at our interpersonal relationships It's a good idea to consider who is in charge of remembering.. birthdays? To take the garbage out each week? Who reminds whom of taking their medication each day? Who remembers to set the doctor's appointments? Who plans how things are going to be taken care of? Etc.

It's also important to think about whether or not we might be enabling our partner or our best friend etc.

Instead of reminding somebody that so-and-so's birthday is next week... Let them know that we're not going to give them a 2-week early reminder every year anymore and that instead we are requesting that they put a calendar event in their phone to remind them themselves "so-and-so's birthday is in 2 weeks on 9/9, So pick up a birthday present for them".

We absolutely need to be mindful of the burnout that can come from doing the mental load/emotional labor for others... And we also need to be mindful of our fear of people failing and how that might be contributing to our enabling the behavior to continue in the vein that it is 🙏🏻

As we figure out ways to own our participation, it becomes visible and easier to see how to move forward in a way that will diminish those dependencies on ourselves 🙏🏻 And also make it easier to see how we have underestimated those around us 🌻

Some of us move through the world viewing ourselves as the main character in our own story... And some of us move through the world viewing ourselves as a minor character in somebody else's story...

Research has shown: People who view themselves as the main character in their life are people who have a greater sense of satisfaction in their lives.

When we feel disempowered and as though other people have more control over what it is that we are doing, then we are not going to view ourselves as a main character and are not going to enjoy our lives as much 🙏🏻

What's interesting is the idea that if we become aware of this notion and actively work to change our point of view so that we see ourselves as the main character... It can empower us to make different choices in our life and to create a higher sense of satisfaction 🙏🏻

Seeing yourself as a main character boosts psychological well-being, study finds People who see themselves as major characters in their life stories experience higher well-being and greater satisfaction of basic psychological needs compared to those who view themselves as minor characters.