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Self-destruction • I’ve inflicted more pain on myself than any person ever has. I’m a runner. I push and run and push harder and run faster and then I expect people I love to follow me off the cliff I chose to run full speed at. Then I have the audacity to be surprised when no one follows.

I don’t know where it came from in my childhood, but when things are their best, I’ll find a way to cause myself (or others) pain. Somewhere deep inside is that critic that tells me I’m not deserving of happiness. Or that if it is good then it must be a mirage and soon the bottom will fall out and I’ll be left with the pain again. “They’ll cheat again. They’ll lie. They’ll hurt you.” So I inflict the pain on myself instead of accepting love that I don’t feel deserving of. Or heaven forbid I chase them the way I want to be fought for 🙄

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

That line is more about self-love to me than the love of anyone else. Because I know in my logical brain that I have been fiercely loved by others. But my work in life has ALWAYS been learning to love myself. To stop allowing my mind to bully me. To stop playing victim to my own thoughts. To stop fu***ng running. To finally let go of the thought that I’m a monster that no one will ever love.

So here I am.

So 👏🏼 many 👏🏼 failed relationships later. Picking up the pieces of myself that I chose to break.

So this time I’m going to put myself back together with kindness. I’m going to chase myself. I’m going to fight for myself. I’m going to fall madly in love with me. Then when I find that inner love. When the words I say to myself match the way I want to love others, THEN I will finally accept all the love that’s always been right there in front of me.

Words have power.
Words matter.

What’s your inner critic saying?

•••

Headed to Chicago on Friday to find some healing in the city that’s never let me down.

Feeling 6” lighter thanks to 💇🏼‍♀️

Dear Nat,

Happy birthday my sweet friend. Riding with you on this planet has been nothing short of incredible from the moment I met you. Knowing you feels like knowing unconditional love a little more closely. One of the things I admire about you the most is how you can make anyone feel safe and supported, even if sometimes they’re being destructive. You’re one of the first people I think about when I need advice, and you’ve always proven that just when I think a human being can’t be anymore inherently good, you come walkin’ in with your sweet heart and kind spirit and prove they can.

Thank you for always always always being the one running out to get that thing we forgot, picking me up at the airport, and for walking with me in the cold not because you had to, but because you wanted to keep me company. Thank you for holding all my crap when I see a photo I gotta get, and for just being so 👏 damn 👏 good, at being good.

You’re an inspiration to me every single day. Here’s to 27!

…and that was the last time we ever saw that lamp or mug.

Savor their last memory, they both shattered 10seconds after this photo.

Shatter ceilings, not lamps 💡

A series of visual reminders of what pure fu***ng joy looks like 🏀

It’s the little teefers that do it for me.

“Outside is pure energy and colorless substance. All of the rest happens through the mechanism of our senses. Our eyes see just a small fraction of the light in the world. It is a trick to make a colored world, which does not exist outside of human beings.” — Albert Hofmann
•••
Everything around us is pure energy. A colorless substance. So what does it take to color the world beautiful? It takes your senses. It takes your curiosity. Like wondering what the color yellow tastes like and describing the way the beat of your heart can sync up to your favorite song. The things that make us human—our senses—THAT is what creates beauty. What is beautiful to me could be mundane to you. But that is the magic of being human. We each create our own sense of beautiful, and no one else can tell you that your definition is wrong, for it only lives within you.

Swipe to see the edit ⚡️of one of my favorite pictures of

Headed to Chicago in 19 days and I can’t even begin to describe the excitement 🏙

Take a peek inside my journal from 2013 📓 tap the story

Dear Sandra,

Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love myself. It doesn’t feel like a tattoo that brought us together anymore, but rather the heartbeat that is permanently on us. My heart knows your heart—forever.

Love you so damn big, happy birthday!

Bree

If it doesn’t set your fxcking soul on fire, it’s not worth the burn 🔥