EntheoGenesis: Psychedelic Integration

Last night in my public integration circle, the community focused on a particular topic that becomes nearer and dearer to my heart: The process of REPAIR.
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In the context of attachment, trauma and rupture in connection, repair is everything!
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Even more important than the occurrence of rupture, when our sense of connection to a primary caregiver is disrupted, is the process of repair.
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It pains my heart to heart from so many how they never received the adequate reparations with their caregivers as needed, just as adequate reparations have not been made with the Chinook indigenous communities whom once tended this land on which I reside. The wound emanates out on all levels.
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As we contemplated the process of repair, and explored what it MEANS to connect, a few things stood out..
∞ Expressing our truth is necessary. To be heard and seen, we must express our selves.
∞ Connecting through the shared empathic resonance of mutual suffering can be profound, yet is not the only way to connect.
∞ In order to truly connect with others, we must lean into our own vulnerability to expose our hearts.
∞ We will never feel fully connected until we repair with our own inner parts, including our inner child. This reparation is in fact, primary.
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I am so grateful for the opportunity to witness these conversations and processes, the community being forged through these meetings is a true fu***ng gem. The love and respect that oozes out of each persons eyes at the end of the meeting is consistent and divine.
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Link to join is in bio!
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Much love
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**a

After a long process of building my new website, the rough draft is finally complete!

Happy to have a public platform to share my work and connect with others.

Much love to you all!

Oh my God y’all… only within the past few days have I finally felt able to pull myself out of the love filled and intoxicating baby bubble that began with the birth of our dear daughter, Saoirse Ella (pronounced seer-sha), on June 4th.
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It seems appropriate that I share this wonderful news with you all here today, on fathers day. Being the father to TWO children is the greatest trip of my life. Welcoming in a daughter as well… My family has a running joke that we have been “cursed” with only males for several generations (speaks to the wounded masculine in my lineage no?! 😝) and to have brought a daughter into the mix just feels so fu***ng fulfilling. She is beautiful, she is magical, she is wholly perfect.
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Today I am feeling so blessed to have two beautiful children to whom I have the privilege of being called “Dad.” I am grateful for the love these little one’s bring to my life. I am grateful for the play, the laughter, the cries, the screams. I’m grateful for the poopy diapers, the p*e streaming down my arms. I’m grateful for the boundary testing of my toddler, teaching me to come back to my calm center again and again (especially when I fail to). I am grateful for the pause between activities, when silence dawns if only for a brief moment, and my son spontaneously tells me he loves me. I am grateful for my capacity to show up for myself with love even when he tells me that he wants to chop my head off, “shot” me with a gun, and send me back to the Earth (turns out this is normal! 😝)
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If it weren’t for diving deep within myself with the help of psychedelics, breath work and EFT, I truly don’t know how I would show up for my children with the degree and love and consciousness I am able to. I have a lot of work to do yet, and the path of stepping into the version of “father” I aspire towards is ongoing. Sometimes, like many other dads, I get overwhelmed, triggered, and show up like a grumpy f**k. However, today, I’m proud of myself, and I’m proud of all the other conscious dads in my life who intend on showing up for their children with as much love and respect as I do.
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Sitting before the fire last night, I felt completely stuck in a pit of despair.
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“Why are you doing this to us Universe? Why do we have to leave the home and the land that we are so deeply in love with?”
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I found myself looping in my mind, riding the tense pathways of anger, fear and grief.
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My thoughts darted from blaming my partner, to blaming our landlord, to blaming Life itself.
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The fire burned hot, and my feelings of desperation only grew.
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I paused.
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I began to tap… “Even though I feel so FU***NG stuck right now, I’m open to loving and accepting myself completely.”
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I tapped, I breathed, I followed the trail of my consciousness.
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And you know what I found?… A little boy.
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A little boy afraid of losing love. Afraid of losing safety. Afraid of being overwhelmed.
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I asked what he needed, he showed me his need for the feminine.
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So my inner feminine, the maternal, loving, sensual and gentle presence came in and wrapped herself around this boy…
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He cried, he threw a fit, he expressed himself…and he collapsed into her arms.
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I felt my heart open, my nervous system instantly relax, and the cool breeze of love waft through my heart.
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I walked back into our sweet cabin for one of the last times, more fully able to show up for my partner, my child and my duties.
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Thank you Fire. Thank you Feminine. Thank you EFT. Thank you Earth. Thank you Life. And thank you Change, for teaching us how fu***ng resilient we really are.
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📸 by Alexander Milov and Lipno nad Vltavu

**a

What does it mean to be a psychedelic dad? 👼
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It means that I seek to bring the highest level of consciousness to my relationship with my child(ren).
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It means I do my best to show up for them with the unconditional love, empathy, support and encouragement that I wished I had had during moments of my own childhood.
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It means when I get overwhelmed and reactive, that I sit my ass down and take 3 deep breaths. Then I re-engage.
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It means that when I consistently get triggered by a dynamic with my kids, I schedule time for myself to dig deep into my own wounds and conditioning, and find healing so I can show up as a higher version of myself.
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It means I take on my role as a father, partner and provider with as much confidence and capability that I can muster.
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It means that I allow my children to experience their father as an emotional being as well, not hiding my feelings from them but expressing them while holding them for myself simultaneously.
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It means that I do my own psychedelic healing work from time to time, and done responsibly with as minimal displacement of the parenting load on my partner (call on resources and support!)
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It means I honor the interconnectivity of life and how we all need each other to show up for our communities.
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It means I help my clients to reparent their own inner children.
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What does it mean to you, being a psychedelic parent?
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**a

In a culture conditioned to fear and doubt, becoming unreasonably trusting is a radical act.
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We’re told to look for every possibility of what could go wrong, why we shouldn’t trust, and why we should be in a constant state of vigilance.
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As if this will keep us safe from harm. Meanwhile not recognizing that the mere act of guardedness and fearful thoughts almost always manifests in the thing we’re afraid of.
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My family and I are learning this lesson in a whole new way right now, as we dive headfirst into the unknown. Moving out of our home next week without a new place secured, my partner with less than 2 months of pregnancy left.. life is asking for us to explore trust in a way we have never needed to before.
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I’ve noticed my response to other people’s inquiries into how I am with it all, consistently coming back to the words “unreasonably trusting.” Now it doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments of panic and freaking out, of course I do. But with the tools of EFT, sacred medicine microdosing, and other somatic practices, I keep finding my way back to the sweet relaxation of being unreasonably trusting.
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What if we didn’t need all the evidence for trust that we think we require? What if we can use the power of our mind, intent, and emotion to find our way to trust despite all the outside ripples of life, suspending ourself in the freedom, lightness and security of trust?
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I allow myself to trust beyond reason 🙏
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Much love my friends 💗
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📸 by Omar Gattis
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**a

Happy bicycle day y’all!! 🚲🌈💗🙏✨
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“I believe that if people would learn to use L*D’s vision inducing capability more wisely, under suitable conditions, in medical practice and in conjunction with meditation, then in the future this problem child could become a wonder child.”

-Albert Hofmann
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Thanks Doc, eternally grateful for your contribution to our society and the awakening of consciousness for millions.
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Also, I love seeing that even during a time when the term “integration” wasn’t much of a thing, the originator of L*D spoke to it through the practice of meditation alongside appropriate set and setting.
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These sacred medicines can change our lives!
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Trip responsibly my friends 🙌
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📸 by

*D **a #5-meo

There’s a part of me that is COMMITTED to being the victim.
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It’s the same part of me that is afraid of changing..
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Do you know this part of you? It seems that most of us carry it.
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A part of us that, despite all the desire to grow and evolve, can’t help but stay stuck in the familiar discomfort of smallness, contraction, and fear.
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Rather than shaming this part, forcing it to open before it’s ready to, I invite you to really sit with this part.
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Get to know it, ask it to share more about itself. Where does it live in your body? How old is it? How does it try to help you, and what is it afraid would happen if it let go?
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You can’t force this part, but you can show up for it again and again with *patience*, until it’s ready to emerge from the chrysalis and spread its wings. Your wings. On the other side of victimization, is true Freedom.
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Love is the answer my friends, just keep showing up.
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📸 by “Wonderlane”

**a #5-meo nervoussystem

I see you…

I see how much you’re hurting…

I see how hard you’re trying…

I see how guarded you’ve become, hiding your most vulnerable parts…

I also see how ready you are to relax. To let go, to release the parts of you frozen in protective stances, and to allow the truth of your heart to shine.

You fear your pain… of course you do. We all do. “What if it overwhelms me? What if it’s too much? What if I can’t function anymore? What if they see how broken I really am?”

I’ve heard it all 💗

However, I’ve never had a client who couldn’t go there. Who, over time and with gentle patience, couldn’t allow the defenses to fall away and to embrace the wounded child within. This child within holds the keys to everything which you seek. Your openness and curiosity, compassion and forgiveness, that’s all they need from you.

These are the shadows from which your radiant, Divine inner child emerges, emanating love and freedom. They’re waiting for you

I don’t claim to fully understand the art and practice of manifestation🤭. I don’t claim to have all the answers (thank GOD🙌). However, a lesson that I am integrating right now hard core in my life is this: I am ALWAYS manifesting… ✨

The question is: What do I want to create?

As energetic beings living in an interconnected universe, we are always signaling information to the field. Oftentimes I’m signaling stress, fear, grief, despair, lack, etc. and getting lost in the flow of negative thought patterns🤮.

Something might trigger me and have me looping for hours on various examples of the same underlying emotion. I shouldn’t be surprised when I keep finding more examples of why this lens of perception is accurate, by how people respond to me or even spilling things accidentally. The evidence keeps arising!

So how do we broaden our perspective and look for the evidence of what we truly desire? Here are some ways that I do it:
•Identify the tight part inside of me🎯
•Move it through my body🌊
•Breathe🌬
•Tap☝️
•Shake💥
•Yawn🥱
•Make space to orient to what my desire is🌈
•Imagine how I’d feel if I already had that experience, feel that in my body🤗

This has been my process as of late, how about yours? What are you becoming aware of in your life that keeps recreating? If you could flip it on its head, what would you want to create instead?

**a #5-meo