PureJoules

Do not give up!

My hashimotos is back, so is research 🧐

Do you feel like you have gradually lost yourself, not through one dramatic event, but through being reduced, muted, or absorbed into a role until your inner life no longer got reflected back?

It’s erasure by the way (and also the name of a current band 😂).

Erasure means the gradual loss of self.

I mean you’re physically present, but internally less visible (eg, you are in your room more than not, no friends/social life, etc.).

Your needs exist, but aren’t prioritized or mirrored.

Your aliveness, curiosity, sexuality, creativity, or growth has no place to land.

Over time, you’ve stopped expecting to be seen — so you stop showing those parts.

Erasure is not abuse by force. It’s more often erosion by accommodation.

Erasure isn’t literal death (this matters) it’s the self that stops expanding, time keeps moving, but you don’t, and you become a function instead of a person.

That’s erasure.

You’re still alive — but less you.

I know it can feel inevitable, but it’s not. What you’re going through is common, reversible, and not a personal failure; it can feel devastating when it finally becomes visible.

I felt most seen when I learned erasure often forms when loyalty is/was rewarded more than truth, peace requires shrinking, love was/is conditional on compliance, and/or endurance is/was praised.

Over time, the nervous system concludes: “This is just how life works.”

So it stops imagining alternatives — not because they don’t exist, but because imagining them once hurt too much.

You are not someone who is meant to vanish.

Erasure is losing visibility, not losing worth (just notice how this feels in your body).

You haven’t lost your worth. And you haven’t lost yourself — even if parts of you have been quiet for a long time.

I love you by the way.

#2026

Just another day on the island.

When I’m overwhelmed the things I say I’ll get to make me feel like an invisible wall is standing between me and getting the thing done.

Some invisible force seems to separate me from the person I want to be and the person I want to be 😩 I want to be this person, I am this person, and yet, I am unable to access the steps necessary to complete the task.

It can be a simple task also. It doesn’t have to be a major thing!

This is your autonomic nervous system (ANS). It really is trying to be helpful.

It took me a long time to understand what was happening to me and step toward things I want.

Seriously, it’s not you.

You are simply being run by the past and your ANS is so clever you won’t even know what is happening.

It will say clever things to you like: we don’t have time for this, we don’t have money for this, you don’t have the energy to finish this… and so on.

Things like this use to overwhelm me.

My ANS would say, even if we have the time, money or energy for it, you won’t do it right and it will be full of bugs in a week, why bother?

Well, after a lot of work, I’Mable to complete tasks that matter to me.

You can to!