Faded Between Both Halos

https://www.facebook.com/100063671832100/posts/681817850617270/?sfnsn=mo&mibextid=6aamW6

I don't know what to do,
endless havoc, without warning
comes khaos - due to the lack of support
from the people I love, leaving me breathless
to fend for myself in this time of need.

Am just a mortal, or am I their flunky,
their puppet, a prisoner, a slave to the motive
of being everyone's emotional sponge.
being paralyzed, falling face-first from vulnerability,
so be it.

a kindred soul, that's turning dark & eventually,
BLACK, unto ASH.

Journal Entry | Thursday | Feb. 9th, 2023

Dear Journal,

Not much to say today, But thought I would go ahead & update you guys on some things, since I haven't posted in a a few days. As you are seeing this, I'm currently finishing breakfast at the moment. Nothing too extravagant, Just some ramen until the food stamps hit & then It's to the grocery store to re-up on food & stuff.

Lately, I've been so disconnected from reality, as everyone else is, as well .I can't tell you how many things came to shack my mention juices & on top of that, I've had a rough time getting my things together to start attending school online. Gosh, the universe is having a weird glitch in the matrix - & I'm hoping that's not a cry for help. Valentines' Day is coming BUT I've got nothing planned cause there is no special person in my life, cause I'm BIG SINGLE.
Although I've wanted to find someone to talk to, But It's been no luck cause nobody wants to be loyal anymore.

SO I'm stuck with either "Staying single" Or "Hooking up" but I can;;t get myself to go hook up with random strangers anymore. It's horrible. Might just have to admit to myself that I'll just be single at this point in my life until something chances.

Sincerely,
Faded Between Both Halos

Journal Entry | Tuesday Feb. 6th/7th, 2023

Dear journal, woow, I haven't posted for almost a week because I was in the hospital for a bad kidney function, Which I'll explain more on my main account on my main page if you guys would like to check that out.

Breakfast & lunch was pretty chill -- But didn't have anything besides ramen earlier tonight. Found out that I can't have bananas, oranges or potatoes & that sucks pretty bad, being that I love french fries, & most dishes that I like contain potatoes.

This isn't going to be too long, cause I have to post on some other blogs, so This is me signing off

Sincerely,
Faded Between Both Halos

Journal entry | Monday | January 30th, 2023

Dear journal! ~
Today is Monday, &
I've been doing a fairly good
job at keeping up with my blogging/journal writing
routine to a minimum.

This past weekend has been hectic & so far, over-
whelming, for ya boy! stress has been in at an all time high, & nobody really knows, yet they don't care cause they've been overly
stressing, themselves. I have to figure out something because
being here at this apartment is going to mess around & kill me
if I don't do something about my living situation.

My option is to either live on the street, or to find a group home to live in, or a relatives house to stay at until I get on my feet. Sooo freaking much is going on. I didn't think that 27 would be the hardest year of my life ever!!!. Can't tell you how badly I want to just raise my hands & say " I FKN GIVE UUUUP" --

But I CAN'T. All I'm going to try & do is use this as a lesson to remain calm, stick to my guns & make sure I stay in my right mind, keep up the journal writing, blogging in the middle of the week FOR SURE & engaging in some posts.

(keep in mind, that there is going to be times, where I'll possibly post some pictures as well with my journal entries.
SO if you're one of those people that are enjoying my posts -- Or your engaging with my online journal then I do appreciate you!!.

But I'll be able to post more Wednesday!.

Sincerely,
Faded Between Both Halos

Journal Entry (January 29th, 2023) -

Daer Jor-- I mean, January ..,

I HAAAATE THE HUMAN SPECIES!!!!. All day, my day has been JUST the absolute worst of all days in america. Just as I thought family couldnt get any worse, they boost their unkindness to FULLFAAACKINGGEARR!! Gosh I wish I had a better set of family memebers that weren't so bend on compition & being "the favorite" & could just help each other out like family suppose to.



My brother talks about white people like thier so bad, BUT at least their race allll sacks of s**t, brother, AT LEAST white people are actually joys to be around ( welp, some of them with genuine energy anywhy). I'm beginning to think, out of all of my siblings, I'm the one that's going to bring my family out of this dry spell.



It's hard being the black sheep, but holding that position & then finding peace in it. -- But what kind of peace do you call this?? I call it , KHAOS



Sincerely, The reapers' Avocate.

Blogger entry is coming soon!

Hello, guys & gals!.

Today's post is just an update/follow up on my posting on this page.

Will be dropping a journal/ blog entry on my Blogger in a sec. Cleaning up my room right now, so when I'm done with cleaning my room then I'll drop it as soon as I can!

Friday | January 13th, 2023
Dear Journal,

This morning was an emotional one. Woke up wanting to talk to my homegirl that passed away about 3 or 4 years ago. It's getting really hard to think, breathe, even have faith about things that I can't control. Found myself going through old videos of me & her kids the other day & my depression swallowed me whole. Honestly don't feel like writing this because of how I'm feeling toward a family member --

Had breakfast & took my medicine this morning when I could have smoked & gotten numb. Still having issues with compelling my thoughts & overcrowding them with smoke. But I'm making progress with keeping my insulin intake, intact.

Every day it gets a little easier, then I stoops down to become the hardest thing to do & I feel lifeless, low, useless, like the memoires of that surgery room keeps erupting inside of me.
Sometimes I just wish the thoughts would just leave me alone, stop torturing me, leave me alone!!, I already feel dead, like a walking co**se levitating through life without a sense of purpose.

God just give me a sign that all things that I have been praying for is coming, in the form of you. -

Sincerely,
Faded Between Both Halos

Good evening to everyone out there!, whomever may be reading this.
(Thursday - January 12th, 2023) | Motivational Word Of The Evening: Success | Topic: Overcoming Mental Blockages, Opening Your Mind to the Nothing. By: Faded Between Both Halos

Good evening my friends,
This evening's topic is based off of a thought process of mine. Such a thought that has been surfacing in my head since this morning & I thought I would share it here.

If you feel lost, or are confused as to what I'm talking about then I apologize in advance, or I'll explain what I'm referring to.

• Imagine An Eagle Fighting A Dragon | First Half Of This Post

Your Biggest enemy is yourself! That other half is your shadow self. That side of you full of self-doubt, worry, anger, rage, disgust, disconnect, numbness, sadness, apathy, etc.

You are in control on how you think, feel, & connect with whomever energies you come in contact with. Weather it be a human being or said, an animal that was once human, turned into an animal.

Think of yourself as majestic & as in high flight, like the eagle, wondering, searching for food as it finds it's way discovering what comes in & out of life itself. Extreme as it may sound, you as the eagle, rather - is in control of your wings. Whereas the dragon takes flight as the spiritual being that it is. Beautiful in every color scheme, different blues, yellows, oranges, reds, violets, etc.

But when they come in contact with each other, they find it hard to be on the same planet, trying to control each other - as the eagle is bold, courageous, Bountiful & intelligent. Expressive in every aspect of the word, meant to protect & drive out any & every unhabituated thing that doesn't belong on this particular planet.

• Universal Languages Of F.A.I.T.H. (Although We May Stumble, The Wind Will Lead Us.) [ Tape A]

We all deal with different languages of English. But the type of language that I'm referring to is the universal language of faith.

F. - Foolishness
A. - Accountability
I. - Intelligence
T. - Timing
H. - Honesty

The way that you have faith, & as long as you follow these five rules then you should be able to gain what you are looking for in life,

-

If I have anything to add, please GO & follow me on tumblr & drop a follow & I'll be posting on there for tonight.

Dear Journal, Everyone.

Today is Thursday January ,the 12th. On 2023.

-

Woke up with in a unpredictable mood, my head is somewhat throbbing, my feet are aching & I just feel all around exhausted. I got bloccked, today by some women who m I have no exception of talking to anyone.. Ibarely even fw with my mother irl LOL.

That was quite fun to watch her block me & then disappear into the nothing. heh. Loosing that person off of my friends list just made me hate humanity just that harder. I h ope she finds what she's looking for, though.

Currently thinking of little to a lot of things to post here on the Faded Between Both Halos page!. I seriously have to get started on statrting up my blogger. Might have a short story or a short scripted paragraph of what I want to talk about, here.

That's all I have for today.
Sincerfely, Faded Between Both Halos

Hello out there!♥ -

Just an update that I'll be startiing to jot down some imporntant ke things to talk about & put into motion on my Blogger so make sure to be on the look out for that!. Also, I'm thinking about incorporating some pictures into my posts as I post my thoughts, as well as on my blogger so if if you care to see more aboout that I'll probably be changing around my Twitter account, & turning it into my main account for my blogger.

-

Today is Monday, the 9th of January, 2023. This morning was an early one, woke up with a painful stomach & decided to take some medicine for it, to cure the gruesome pain that I've felt.
Then, I proceeded to pray & ask for healing from any bad energy that was looking to harm me.

Later on, I found myself waking up around 2:20 in the afternoon, never slept that long before, so you could say that my body needed to rest after that sudden peak of pain. Had some coffee & some chicken flavored ramen. Thursday is food stamp day so I'll have to wait until we get food stamps to buy what I really want.

Not a lot to say, BUT i've been feeling desperate for a blessing, a miracle from above. Too many things in my life has been put in the way of my future - constantly stressinbme out, giving my a reason to give up, tearing me apart from the inside & it's been hindering my spirit. I definitely need start praying more.

-

Also, I have this dream that I would like to follow through on, taking my philosophy to the next level with my blogging technique & expand my vocabulary, you know, brand off into a much better comfort space to put my thoughts down on. Next, would be taking my boatmaking, & my Video editing to an exceeding level.

I'll get there someday. Just have to keep on studying on what works for my liking.
Sincerely,
Faded Between Both Halos