Dhebbie Isip

I think every anxiety and panic attack, and every sadness that leads to depression has trigger in it.

This was me when my anxiety turned into panic attack. For days I have been having palpitations and chest pressure and tightness. I know most of it is related to work and sometimes at home.

One night I was on my way to work when I suddenly experienced shortness of breath, rapid shallow breathing, cold clammy hands, palpitations and worsening chest tightness. I pulled in a gas station inmediately and tried to calm myself. The more I try the quicker it turned into panic episode as I was so scared of the symptoms. It was as if there was an impending doom. With the coping skills I learned from my therapist, deep breathing, grounding, counting backwards, affirming to myself that I am safe, pressing on my pressure points, I was able to call my husband and at work and drove myself to seek medical help. For the past couple days I've had to rest at home and undergo series of tests and imagings to rule out actual cardiac problems. While I did have mildly elevated d-dimer CT Chest showed negative PE.

Whether triggers are known or not it helps to label these emotions. That is how you will find your coping strategies. Tell someone how you are feeling or going through. Find help and accept help.

Remember, whatever you say to yourself and about yourself... that is what will happen, that becomes who you are. Being negative is a protective mechanism of oneself against pain (being hurt, being humiliated, being looked down/frowned upon). Our brain instinctively protect us from pain, it will always resort to finding pleasure and happiness. Hence,
our procrastination, perfectionism and some resort to risky behaviors.

Say something affirmative to yourself, believe it and take action for it. You will see a change in your mindset. It's not an overnight miracle but a continous consistent process of change for the better.

We all share the same month for our wedding anniversaries...

Congratulations momshies! Another blessed year to our married lives.
❤️💗💖

It's good to be outdoors sometimes
🥰❤️🥳

Having a mood disorder is a part of me that I have challenges with. The depressive mood of bipolar II disorder can be debilitating to an extent but I don't let it affect my work. I give my best and I am ever present with everyone who needs me. I don't let my depression take away the joy I feel when I'm working. While the work itself is very exhausting I try to keep my pace and load my social battery full and running. This is typical of high functioning depression. It's not a DSM-5 diagnosis but I know a lot of us suffer from this. We give our best and we suffer social isolation after work. Because nothing is left to share with the rest of family and friends.

I openly talk about it, post it here because depression is real. It's a very lonely and gloomy journey. A lot of times I wish I could just snap out of it and be genuinely happy. But alas I need meds, tools and resources in order to pursue this happiness. Others don't. I truly wish for that resilience and strong mindset.

Imagine going to a home like this... tired from work you expect peace, quiet and organized place where you can relaxed and fall asleep. But alas! You came home and all you see are pile of dishes, laundry bin of unknown whether for laundry or clothes for folding... trash and recycables together.

For the past 2 years this has been what my husband had to go through almost everyday when I'm in my bipolar 2 spectrum depressive mood. He works as full time night shift trauma nurse and I feel bad for him because I know the work that he does. All he needs is an organized home to go back to.

These photos were taken from few months ago. I took it to remind myself what our house looks like whenever I am in my depressive state. When I am in this state all I could ever do is lay down and cry. Cry out of guilt because I am having task paralysis, I feel sad and hopeless. I have lots of intrussive thoughts to a point where I almost want to make one of them real. It is painful to move, too tiring to even get up. I am irritable and often snap at the boys.

To make myself feel better, aside from the meds I'm taking, I lay on the couch with my tablet and watch short films all day all night long...my son Dylan even said, Mama you are so lazy... I splurge on hand bags and other stuff that gets my interest/ I see online. Sometimes when I drive along I-45 going to work, the speed limit of 65mph goes high to 75mph and it feels so good to drive fast!

Being able to recognize that I am in a depressed state helps me to be more cautious both on what I think and what I do. My husband didn't sign up for all these... our kids didn't choose their mother to be this way... but somehow, I feel it's my fault that they are in this mess because I couldn't hold it together. (Having the victim mindset doesn't help at all. But it is what I feel) this is my reality I am trying so desperately to embrace and escape at the the same time...

A Bipolar"s invincible switch.

One moment you're feeling hypomania and the next turn you're in a bipolar depressive state. It's a frustrating psychiatric battle.