Your Local Mom

I walked into a room with full intention and immediately forgot why I exist there.

Anyway, I’m fine…

Can I be honest and vulnerable?

I feel like I am failing and falling behind in almost every aspect of my life right now.

Like I’m giving everything 15%

I’m Eating like crap and gaining weight and my skin is broken out.

I am falling behind on marathon training and fundraising for it.

I am losing track of all the dress up days for the kids’ school.

I am forgetting to call and text back friends

I am barely posting content and the stuff I am posting I am not proud of.

I am Snippy and short tempered with the kids.

My sleep is falling behind

I feel lost.
Tired

And we are right on the brink of summer vacation.

Hang tight moms
Hang tight women in their 30s

Cheers to a brighter tomorrow

Twelve years ago I held a tiny little baby and somehow, impossibly, today she’s graduating sixth grade.

I keep looking at her and seeing every version of her at once.
The toddler with sticky hands.
The little girl learning to read.
The kid who asked a million questions in the car.
The one who made me a mom.
And now suddenly she’s taller, funnier, sharper, more independent. Standing on the edge of becoming someone entirely her own.

There’s something so strange about motherhood…how you spend years exhausted, overwhelmed, counting down bedtimes and school drop-offs and hard phases…and then one day you realize the little years quietly disappeared while you were busy living them.

I’m so unbelievably proud of her.
And also not emotionally prepared for middle school at all. 😭🥲💗

Motherhood, according to my last 7 months of search history (from most recent):
- baby overtired vs undertired signs
- why does my baby only nap less than 30 minutes
- baby sleep cues
- how much sleep should a baby get per age
- why does my baby wake up when i sit down
- baby fights sleep but is exhausted
- baby fomo
- are car naps real naps for babies
- latest safe bedtime for a baby
- how to drown out dog barking during naps
- is my sleep tracking app helping or am i obsessed with it for nothing
- is coffee hydrating
- breastfeeding hurts first minute of latch
- vasospasm vs bad latch pain
- what is a proper latch supposed to feel like
- feeling of dread while breastfeeding
- when is breastfeeding pain considered severe
- family meals with newborn and picky kids
- can latch still be wrong if it looks right
- crying at night for no reason postpartum
- pain in right hip pregnancy
- baby registry having baby after 8 years
- baby products actually worth buying
- baby items i don’t need
- best postpartum meals

No one talks about how dark your mind can get after you have a baby.
Not in a dramatic way.
Not in a “something is wrong with you” way.
But in a quiet, intrusive, completely unwanted kind of way.

I will be in completely normal moments, holding my baby, feeding her, just existing, and my brain will suddenly go somewhere I never asked it to go.
A thought.
A flash.
A “what if” that makes my entire body tense up instantly.
And just as fast as it came, there’s this second wave:
“Why would I think that?”
“What is wrong with me?”
“Does this mean something about me?”

That part is what no one prepared me for.
Not just the thought itself, but how convincing the fear feels after.
How quickly your brain can turn on you.

So let me say this in the clearest way I can:
Having intrusive thoughts does not mean you agree with them.
It does not mean you want them.
And it definitely does not mean you would ever act on them.
If anything it usually means the exact opposite.
Your brain is locking onto the thing you care about most and going into overdrive trying to protect it.
Even if it’s doing it in the worst possible way.

There’s a name for this.
postpartum anxiety
And sometimes it shows up like constant worry.
But sometimes?
It shows up like this.
Quiet.
Unwanted
And hard to admit out loud.

I didn’t talk about it at first.
Because I thought saying it would make it real.
Or worse, I thought people would look at me differently.
But keeping it in your head gives it more power than it deserves.

So if you’ve ever had a moment where your brain went somewhere dark and you immediately recoiled from it:
That reaction matters.
That is who you are.
Not the thought.

What helps me:
Reminding myself:
“This is a thought, not a fact” (sometimes I’ll even say something like “wow, that was a dramatic thought” or “hey, that’s a scary thought” - sometimes the label helps to shrink it)
Letting someone else step in when I feel overwhelmed
Not trying to fight the thought, just letting it pass

And if it ever starts to feel constant, louder, or harder to shake:
You deserve real support. No hesitation.

Motherhood is overwhelming in ways no one fully explains.
Hormones are fu***ng crazy.
And sometimes your brain reflects that before you even understand it.

You’re not alone in this.
Even if it feels like you are.

I spent so much time questioning my body after having a baby…it took way too long to realize my mind needed support too.

🤍 I sob for all the babies and hold my baby tight!

Brooks has only ever known the comfort of being safe, warm, fed, and loved. I thank the Lord every night for that!

But I know not all babies have that. So every night when I sit there holding him at 4am in his dark room I pray for those babies that aren’t as wanted, aren’t properly fed or cared for. It breaks my heart to think about but it’s happening.

What a blessing it is to be a safe space for him! 🤍 Last night I took a bath with Brooks and I felt like it was delivery night all over again. 🥹 Soaking in skin to skin time with my boy.

I don't hold anger toward you.
This is who you’ve always been.
But becoming a mother changed my priorities.

I’m responsible for small, impressionable hearts now.
And I won’t expose them to patterns
I spent years learning how to survive.

You’re free to be exactly as you are.
I’m just no longer required
to make space for it in my children’s world.

From my collection Paper Flowers