Allison Rose, CPC, WPCC

No, seriously.

This page is for the messy middle, not the heresy hunters.

It’s here for those healing loudly, not debating theology.

A place for trusting yourself and honoring others, not criticism or correction.

If you’re looking for authentic connection,
for friendships that cross religious divides,
for conversations that challenge you,
for respect for all…

Welcome. I’m glad you’re here.

Because what brings us together isn’t conformity or agreement.

It’s our shared commitment to move away from black and white thinking…

And into the full color of human experience, together.

Don’t feel the need to dim your light here, friend.

🫶

I hated my ambition.

Growing up opinionated, passionate, and female in American evangelicalism…

My voice was seen as a nuisance.
A distraction.

I didn’t fit the meek-mouthed, Christian, pre-wife mold.

Charismatics put up with me more than others.

But I constantly prayed that god would close my mouth.

That they’d help me hold back my sarcastic humor or incisive pattern recognition.

I wished I didn’t notice when a preacher’s energy was off (like when I met Shawn Bolz in 2014).

All that time, I never realized how perceptive my intuition was.

What felt overbearing, irreverent, divisive, inappropriate…
…it was all just my authentic self slipping past my carefully curated religious identity.

Every time my mask slipped, I beat myself up.

But now?

I f*cking celebrate that sh*t.

I’m loud. I’m self-possessed. I’m sensitive. I’m discerning.

I’m divisive when I need to be.

Because I won’t stay silent when I see injustice.

I refuse to be corralled by a bullsh*t “Culture of Honor” that protects abusers and dismisses survivors.

Some people find me annoying, too much, unladylike.

But I don’t give a f*ck anymore.

I trust my gut over any outside opinion.

Yeah, it’s closed a lot of doors. To rooms I actually never needed to be in.

But it’s also invited people into my sphere who just click. No masks. No posturing.

If you’re part of the community here, welcome. And thank you.

You belong ✌🏼

Have you taken the leap into radical authenticity after deconstruction?

If not, what’s stopping you? 🙋‍♀️

Toxic churches hate boundaries.

And they tend to use all the same tactics you’d find in a toxic relationship.

The difference though is that the reasons are spiritualized.

Power imbalances come into play when leadership is seen as being more enlightened than volunteers or members.

So, it can really difficult to stand up to this type of abuse.

This video is funny, but it’s about a very real paradigm in so many churches.

If you can’t say no and set boundaries around your time and who you allow to speak into your life without your character or spiritual health brought into question…

You’re in a toxic church. Run!

Have you experienced this type of subtle spiritual abuse?

How did you finally recognize it?

High-control churches and cults don’t look crazy.

They’re not only like the ones you see on TV.

Honestly, they’re the house church down the street, the family next door, the 157-person church on broadway.

They don’t need a ton of members.

And they are very welcoming on the surface.

In fact, most casual members won’t ever be able to see how deep the control goes.

It’s not until you feel safe, until they’ve earned your trust, that it starts to become clear.

And what makes it even tougher to recognize is that for every uncomfortable situation, there’s a “spiritual” reason for it.

You’re often left wondering if it was a red flag or you just don’t understand “the things of God.”

(It was a red flag. It’s always a red flag. 🚩)

If you’ve gotten involved with a church like this, tell me the moment you realized it was controlling. 👇

Deconstruction is so misunderstood in churches.

You don’t rethink everything you were once certain about because you want to.

You do it because you HAVE to.
You’re on a search for truth.
You can’t just unsee the cracks in your worldview.

Deconstruction is one of the most disruptive processes you can possibly undertake.

And while you update your mind logically…
…your physical brain takes time to catch up.

Old neural pathways must be torn down.
New ones must be built.

It’s a daunting task for your body!

And that’s why your nervous system will want you to go back to the old ways of thinking.

To converse energy, it’ll send up false flags, like:

Internalized guilt
Hyper-vigilance
Restlessness

Churches will often call this dysregulation “spiritual consequences.”

But it’s a biological process that happens when we make changes.

One thing I want to tell you is this:

You’re safer than you feel.
Everything is going to be ok.

And it’s not always going to feel like this.
I promise.

Evangelicalism labeled every uncomfortable feeling as either guidance from God or deception.

But what if we were gaslit out of trusting our true inner compass?

And what if years of programming don’t just disappear the moment your beliefs shift?

In the latest episode, Layne Watkins () and I discuss everything from:

👉 Being Evangelical (Teenagers)
👉 “Hell Houses”
👉 Purity Culture
👉 Religious Goals, instead of Life Skills
👉 Inner Healing, Treasure Hunts, & Other NAR Things

Sound familiar?

Check it out on Spotify, Apple, and YouTube.

Links on my page 👆

If you’re new here, let me introduce myself.

I’m Allison, a deconstruction coach with a vendetta against toxic religious communities…

…and passion for helping people reconnect with themselves after leaving.

Moving on after a high control church isn’t as simple as changing your beliefs.

Your nervous system patterned to survive.

And those patterns continue to even in safe situations.

What used to keep you safe in a toxic environment (like hyper-vigilance)…

Now just uses up energy that could be spent building a life you love.

If you’re done getting stuck in the vicious cycle and ready to try something new (it’s not therapy or just mindset work), dm me.

I’ve a few spots available for summer clients!

Rethinking beliefs and getting educated is usually how most people begin their deconstruction.

But not many realize that without integrating the body…
…they’ve only gone halfway.

You might’ve shifted your beliefs but still struggle with internalized guilt.

Or left church but avoided setting boundaries in relationships.

Or maybe you just can’t quite enjoy resting or hobbies.

Our nervous systems coped with toxic theology and spiritual abuse in ways that patterned our behavior.

But that doesn’t just vanish after changing your beliefs.

The body must be addressed physically.

I’ve got a couple spots left for private coaching this summer and I’d love to support you reconnecting to your body again!

Check out the link to the free Fit & Alignment call on my page to get started.

If you’ve deconstructed mentally but still struggle to feel fully present in your body, this is for you!

If you used to pray away your sexual drive…
Take your anxiety captive…
Or beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed on Sunday mornings…

You need to know something:
You weren’t doing anything wrong.

It wasn’t your body distracting you from the things of God.

Your body was surviving toxic beliefs.

Evangelicalism categorized your normal human behavior as moral failure.

You may have been taught that ruminating thoughts were a lack of faith.
Or that the guilt you felt was your conscience/the Holy Spirit.
Or that the panic you experienced was satan trying to stop you from coming to church.

When actually…these were ways your nervous system was trying to protect you.

Evangelicalism created an environment where there were social, economic, and even eternal consequences to every bit of your actions.

Your body survived the best it could.

Sometimes, it warned you.
Other times, it developed really good coping strategies to keep you safe in that toxic community.

And after you leave, that patterning doesn’t just disappear.
…even if you’ve updated your beliefs.

While those coping strategies worked really well in the past,
You don’t need them anymore.

And now they’re keeping you “safe” from resting, making new connections, and enjoying your life.

That’s why I created the Guilt Reset.

It’s a free 10 minute audio for my exvangelical friends who feel stuck after they left their old beliefs behind.

It’s not about forcing your nervous system to change fast,
Or dismissing the hard work you’ve done up to this point.

It’s learning a simple way to begin updating your body,
And showing it that it’s safe with your new beliefs.

You’ve done the mental work.

Now it’s time to support your body.

Find the free Guilt Reset on my page ☝

A few years ago, I remember sharing about my chronic illness journey with someone.

She immediately said, “My daughter deals with a chronic illness. What did you do to get better?”

She then guessed that I had gotten on the right medication, prayed often, changed my mindsets and habits, and found some spiritual enlightenment that set me free.

When I told her what I actually did, she didn’t like it.

“I gave up.”

I explained how at the lowest point of my illness, I wanted to d1€.

I had tried everything to get better. The pain was nearing unbelievable levels. And nothing worked.

One day, as I faced my own mortality, and what felt like total purposelessness…

I realized I couldn’t guarantee that my life would get better.

But I also didn’t have the energy to end it.

So I decided to see what would happen if I stopped trying to chart my life’s course.

While getting better seemed pretty freaking important (especially when faced with the alternative),

I tried so hard for so long and it wasn’t working.

So I gave up.

Not into despair. Not into hopelessness. Just into a sort of neutrality.

Letting whatever was going to happen, happen.

And guess what?

I got better. Fast.

Within 1 year, my chronic illness had almost completely cleared up.

Were there mindset shifts? Yes.
Habit changes? Yes.
Spiritual breakthroughs? Yep.

But was I focused hard on those things? Not at all.

I just started enjoying my life and appreciating the journey.

It felt like I stepped into the flow of the river of life,

Rather than trying to build the perfect boat, plan my route, and paddle as hard as I could to manage the flow.

If you’re in the thick of it today…

Have you considered letting go? And seeing where the journey takes you?

Maybe you’re right where you need to be.