Radically Genuine Counseling

My take on the 4 options when you have a problem:
1. Solve the problem
2. Feel better about the problem
3. Tolerate the problem
4. Stay miserable

I would love to say I automatically jump to options 1-3 when problems arise because I’m so skillful and awesome, but honestly, my go-to is usually to hang out in option 4 for a little while until I get fed up enough to try something else 😂

What can I say?? I like to learn the hard way 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️

This is the story of Rosie, the thousands of dollars I spent at the vet, and the day I finally chose to “solve the problem” by signing her up for doggie school.

You see, I’ve had dogs before. I was no stranger to raising dogs. Obviously, I knew what I was doing!!

So, when this 80lb ray of sunshine came into my life, I figured I could handle it.

Fun fact: I could not.

At least, not with the playbook I was using 😂

Unfortunately, it took Rosie eating 2.5 lbs of trail mix and racking up an $800 emergency vet bill, destroying my headphones for the second time, and escaping through my front door to gallop joyfully down the street — all in the same day — for me to finally think:
“You know what? I should probably talk to a grown-up about this.”

Before that, I was doing what I knew to do: training, setting rules, and creating boundaries like I had with my previous dogs.

Except my previous dogs were 10 lbs and I had them since they were puppies.

Rosie was raised on the streets and is, respectfully, built like a tank.

As it turns out, I could not use the same playbook.
It took several thousand dollars in vet bills — unfortunately not an exaggeration, I should have a plaque at my vet’s office 😅 — and the genuine fear of her getting hit by a car for me to realize this chaos was making me, and my wallet, miserable.

I signed her up for doggie school that same day.

Finally, I chose to solve the problem.

And the funny thing is, I thought the “problem” was Rosie’s out-of-control behavior.

Turns out, the problem was actually me not knowing how to communicate with my dog and not setting enough structure and boundaries for her.

Say it with me- “WE’RE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN” 😂

Many, many, many hours of training later, Rosie is the bestest girl in probably the whole world, and I’m getting better and better at communicating with her.

And I’m working on recognizing when I’m stuck in the “stay miserable” option way earlier in the game.

Preferably before testing the limits of our pet insurance plan 😂

So this is your reminder:
Sometimes solving the problem starts with admitting the current playbook isn’t working.

Annoying? Yes.

Helpful? Also yes.

Picture description: Rosie at doggie school, learning the deeply offensive news that she could not, in fact, simply do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. And she has feelings about it.

Challenge of the Week 💃

This week’s challenge is to take one problem out of the swirling chaos of your brain and put it into actual words.

Pick one thing that’s been stressing you out and run it through the 4 options.

You don’t have to solve everything. You don’t have to pick the “perfect” option. You just have to pause long enough to ask:

What would actually help me move forward here?

Tiny clarity counts.

Mindset Minute Mondays 🍃

Crying is not the emotional equivalent of “losing it.”

Sometimes crying is how your body releases stress, grief, overwhelm, anger, relief, or all of the above.

It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

And sometimes letting yourself feel it now prevents a much bigger emotional shutdown later.

Okay, you know how life is hard and there are problems to solve, like all the time??

Apparently DBT said, “You technically have options,” and then made one of them “stay miserable,” which feels rude and also… not inaccurate.

When we’re overwhelmed by a problem, our brains often want to jump straight into panic mode:

Fix it immediately.
Avoid it completely.
Obsess over it until we’ve emotionally reheated the same situation 47 times.
Or simply collapse into “everything is terrible and nothing will ever be okay again.”

Unfortunately, I get stuck here way more than I care to admit.

Luckily, DBT breaks it down in a way that is painfully simple and genuinely helpful:

With any problem, you really have 4 options:

Solve the problem
Feel better about the problem
Tolerate the problem
Stay miserable

Blunt AND clear (dialectics 🎉)

Because sometimes we’re trying to solve something that can’t be solved right now.

Sometimes we’re trying to feel better about something we actually need to change.

Sometimes we’re trying to tolerate something we don’t have to keep tolerating.

And sometimes — lovingly, respectfully, with my whole chest — we are choosing the “stay miserable” option and calling it “processing.”

Not because we’re bad. Not because we’re lazy. Not because we’re broken.

But because staying stuck can be familiar. Or because the other options feel scary. Or because no one taught us what to do instead.

So next time you’re overwhelmed, try starting with this question:

Which option gives me the best chance of success right now?

Not the easiest option.
Not the most familiar option.
Not the option your nervous system is screaming for.

The one that gives you the best chance of moving forward.

Tiny bit of clarity. Tiny bit of willingness. Tiny bit of “ugh fine, I guess I’ll help myself.”

That counts.

Feel Good. Do Good. Spotlight!💡💡

This week we’re spotlighting Transform Cincy! 🌈🏳️‍⚧️
https://www.transformcincy.org/

Transform is one of those local organizations that makes you go, “Wait, this exists here? That’s amazing.” They provide affirming, personalized wardrobe support for transgender and gender nonconforming youth — which may sound simple at first, but honestly, clothing can be a really big deal when it comes to identity, safety, confidence, and feeling like yourself in the world.

Who is Transform Cincy??

Transform Cincy is a Cincinnati-based nonprofit with a simple but powerful goal: providing free wardrobes, head to toe, for transgender and gender nonconforming youth. Their work is rooted in affirming care, community, and helping young people feel supported as they figure out who they are and how they want to show up in the world.

What do they do??

💜 Provide free wardrobes for transgender and gender nonconforming youth
💜 Offer private appointments where youth can share their sizes, style, likes, and dislikes
💜 Create individualized clothing racks styled around each young person’s preferences
💜 Provide wardrobe styling in a safer, affirming environment
💜 Support youth ages 6–25 through their appointment process
💜 Create opportunities for community, affirmation, and connection

And listen — finding clothes that feel right can be stressful enough without also navigating dysphoria, judgment, safety concerns, or feeling like you “don’t belong” in certain sections of a store. Transform is doing something deeply practical and deeply affirming at the same time.

If you want to help, here’s what you can do:

👉 Donate financially through their website
👉 Donate clothing items that fit their current needs
👉 Volunteer your time
👉 Share their work with families, schools, therapists, and community members who may know youth who could benefit
👉 Follow them and help spread the word
👉 Finally, go vote for them to receive RGC’s donation this month!

Just some more amazing people doing amazing things in our community 🌟🌈

If this resonates with you, don't forget to go vote for Transform in our monthly poll and RGC will donate to them at the end of the month!

Transform Transform Charity Closet Cincinnati

Lemme tell ya, I wasn’t always the biggest fan of DBT assumptions.

Particularly, “you might not have caused all your problems, but you have to solve them anyway."

First off, rude.

Second off, how dare you? 😂

When I first heard this way back when, it hurt my feelings, if I’m being honest with you, because I misunderstood it.

I took this assumption to mean “it’s your fault you’re experiencing these problems” and I was NOT having that.

Fun fact: that’s not what this assumption is trying to get at, not by a long shot.

I was under the false assumption that *someone* had to take the blame, *someone* HAD to be held accountable and I was sure as heck not gonna let that be me.

And that’s why I was stuck for a long time.

It took my own therapy, time practicing and understanding other DBT concepts like being nonjudgmental and being dialectical, just to name a few, and lots and lots of time, before I finally understood this assumption for what it actually is.

Sometimes understanding where the problem came from matters. A lot.

At some point, though, especially when I’m in the trenches, I have to stop and remember, the problem exists in my life and I’m the one who has to decide what I’m going to do about it.

Again, rude 😂

and also fair.

Truthfully, I’m still working on this one, I’m definitely a work-in-progress. And I’m trying my best to not waste too much time and energy sitting in resentment and blame.

Instead, I’m practicing my skills, staying curious, and doing my best to keep moving forward!

Not because it was my fault.
But because I deserve to be free.

(Picture post recent hand injury because damn does this assumption ring true here 😂)

Challenge of the Week!!

Choosing to believe DBT's assumption doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior, ignoring accountability, or pretending everything is fine.

It means we’re practicing curiosity before judgment, because curiosity gives us way more useful information than shame does.

This week, try it once with yourself and once with someone else.

Mindset Minute Mondays 🍃

Feeling deeply is not a character flaw. 🌊

A lot of people were taught that emotions make them dramatic, sensitive, needy, or “too much.”
But emotional awareness is actually a strength.

Your feelings aren’t proof that something is wrong with you.
They’re proof that you’re human.

Mindset Minute Mondays 🍃

Winging it can work… until it burns all your energy.

When you’re overwhelmed, stuck, or scattered, a plan doesn’t have to be fancy. It can be as simple as:

“What’s the next right step?”

A tiny plan gives your brain a path to follow — and honestly, sometimes that’s half the battle.

Did you know your DBT therapist makes assumptions about you?? 👀👀

In fairness, they make these assumptions about themselves and others as well.

These assumptions are something we ask our clients to adopt because they help lay the foundation for other DBT skills to be built on.

DBT assumptions can feel annoying at first because they ask us to hold two truths at the same time: people make sense in context AND people are still responsible for change.

These assumptions are not excuses. They’re not permission slips. They’re a way of staying curious enough to actually understand what happened, what got in the way, and what needs to be practiced next.

Shame usually keeps us stuck. Curiosity gives us a map.