Enacense

Dear Diary,

I’ve always been a bulldoze through life kinda girl. Where I come from, trauma doesn’t exist. If something’s wrong, pray about it and move on. What do you need therapy for, don’t even mention that or you’re weak. And where I come from, that’s the mindset you have no choice but to carry, because that’s the environment you live in. That mindset, helps you survive it. And for a long time, a very very long time, I navigated through life, telling myself that everything is fine.

Have a positive mindset. It’s not that big of a deal. You’re overreacting. Just keep going. It doesn’t even hurt. I’m good, you’re good, we’re good.

But the reality is: there is a fine line between perseverance and suppression.

Perseverance says: This is hard, but I’m going to keep going.

Suppression says: This is uncomfortable, so I’m going to bury it.

There are two sides to every coin, and although I persevered to get to where I am, I’m in a space where it’s not perseverance anymore, it’s suppression. Or maybe it was suppression all along, it’s just something I had to do to survive.

But the good thing is, I’m not in a space where I have to survive anymore. So, I’m choosing to live. And that can feel uncomfortable when you’ve been operating in survival mode all your life. I’m doing the brave thing and acknowledging:

“Hey, I’ve been telling myself I’m okay, to keep going. But now I’m acknowledging that I wasn’t okay then, and I don’t have to pretend I am now.”

I’m actively taking steps towards dismantling the survivor, because her coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms don’t serve me anymore. So when you see me battling, don’t see that something is wrong with me. Don’t be worried, I’ve been through much worse than coming to terms with my mental health. See that you’re not alone, and that if I can do it? Lil ole me from a small town in the middle of nowhere can do it?! You can do it too. Meaning: you can choose to live, not just survive, even when it feels uncomfortable 💐

Until we meet again, my perception of mind - 3:29 am

Dear Diary,

I’m fine. I’m alive.

Sometimes I wonder if I told people what happens on the daily, if they’d believe me.

Sometimes I question, is everyone else going through a constant state of extreme things? Or is it just my mind making it extreme?

I remember, when I was 13 or 14, a fire extinguisher fell on my wrist and ankle. I brushed it off, said I was fine, said it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Everyone said, “You need to go to the doctor, you’re limping”. - I tried to hide it.

But it wasn’t until my dad spoke and I was shaken, he said. You need to go to the doctor, you don’t want the injury to become irreversible.

I immediately started crying because 1. He was right 2. I felt like a burden 3. I didn’t want any unnecessary money spent on me. Which is ironic because, I didn’t cry about the pain, let alone acknowledge that it was even there.

We found out that it wasn’t all in my head, that I sprained both my left wrist and left ankle, and I had to have a cast on my left wrist, and I had to use crutches.

But again, present day today: I’m fine. I’m alive. And what’s new now is acknowledgement: everything WAS fine.

But what I do know is: it’s going to be okay. 💐

Dear Diary,

This weekend trip was very much needed.

Minus the stress from the bears, I was able to breathe.

March 9, 2026 💐

An unforgettable night with at the Whitney M. Young Jr. Awards Gala ✨
From raising our voices on stage to dancing and celebrating after, it was pure joy to be part of this moment.

Even more special, sharing it with friends I’ve grown alongside. 💜 Watching how we’ve all bloomed, both individually and together, makes nights like these feel even more meaningful 🌱💐.

Here’s to the music, the friendships, and the community that keeps us moving forward.