Karen Pearl

Stepping out fully 💛🐝

What happens when you have a dirty mind 😂 😂

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M I N D S E T is everything!!

Let’s Normalize that sometimes your relationship or even s*x in your relationship may not start with eroticism but willingness. willingness shows that you are placing value on s*x and s*xuality. It shows that you are motivated towards the end goal and therefore willingness should be applauded. Spontaneity won’t always happen and that’s ok.
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Changing your M I N D S E T is a form of S E L F C A R E

Communication, Compromise and Commitment:

Differences in s*x drive is probably the number 1 problem that couples face. So much so that erotic couples (according to Esther Perel, erotic couples are couples that place a high value on eroticism, intimacy and s*x) understand that, differences in s*x drive is just part of the experience and not a negative. It’s something they are willingly work on in their relationship. So whether one party is lower desire or higher desire doesn't matter because they've both agreed that s*x is an important part of their relationship. Mind you, there are couples who don't place a high value on s*x in their relationship and that's fine also. Ask me how either couple comes to this conclusion. Through open and honest communication and compromise.
Communicating your wants and desires, compromising and understanding that it will be different from your partner's, and that's ok. But communicating nonetheless and also committing to making sure that you meet your commitments. I say this because I find that often, couples usually don't have that conversation and worse, don't even think its a conversation to be had. Assumptions are made about the priority of s*x and intimacy etc and that's where the problem is.
Also important to note here is that, there should be zero judgment of your partners s*xual needs. Your partner has to trust you so much that they are willing to open up and be vulnerable about their s*xual desires without fear of judgment. Judgment creates mistrust, hence zero vulnerability and no relationship can survive lack of trust and vulnerability.
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When the search for intimacy gets real 😂 😂
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😉 ☀️
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->Eroticism and Spontaneity

Couples need to understand that so much of our thoughts about s*x, desire and spontaneity comes from movies, Hollywood, magazines etc, p**n included. The idea of s*x and spontaneity as seen in movies is a real killer for both high and low desire people and let's face it, most, if not all of how we view s*x comes from movies etc. We were taught how s*x should look like from movies. These movies set us up for failure because they tell us that if s*x is not spontaneous, then it's not real. If my partner doesn't desire s*x the exact same time I desire it, it means they don't love and desire me. If you plan or schedule s*x, it's not s*xy, it's not romantic etc etc. This is a big one!!

Recognize that these thoughts are external. Most importantly, understand that those s*x scenes are planned and scheduled and that what you finally get to see took several tries to get it right. Movie s*x can be compared to vacation s*x. It's not real because it doesn't reflect the reality of life: work, kids, life s a whole.

Sometimes, if you don't prioritize and maybe even schedule it, it won't happen. Just like everything else that's important to you. You schedule everything else that's important. The reality is, life is very mundane, boring and scheduled for the most part. The idea of spontaneity is a big killer to a lower desire person's s*x drive, libido etc. It tells you that if you don't want it spontaneously, then you don't want it and you believe it. It's also very misleading to the higher desire person because, clearly, if my partner doesn't want s*x spontaneously, then they don't want me, they don't love me and therefore maybe I need to find someone else who does. Chances are, you won't. You are both putting weight on something that shouldn't be weighted. Communication, understanding and commitment will really help shed light on the issue and help you have a healthier s*x life that works for you and our partner.