Clearly Communicate

This question changed how I think about conflict.

How is the difficulty coming from “them” if we haven’t even started the conversation yet?

I’ve found, in my 20 years of employee relations work, that we label people long before we begin any conversation with them: "He's defensive." "She always gets her back up." "They can't handle feedback." We make these assumptions, and then brace ourselves accordingly.

But if the words haven't left your mouth yet… where is the difficulty actually coming from?

The common denominator in any "difficult" conversation that you have is … you.
Barbara's framework flips the script.

See it in action → clearlycommunicate.com

Most communication problems do not start with the words.

They start before the words.

In the assumption you carried into the room. In the state you were in when the email hit your inbox. In the story you told yourself about what the words meant before you asked.

Words are only part of the message. State, timing, what you actually hear and what the speaker actually meant do the rest.

This is why scripts alone do not fix hard conversations. If the pattern underneath is off, no script will fix that.

Be aware and notice sooner. Choose your response. Be present and watch how quickly the room changes.

Comment CLEARLY to learn more about working with Barbara.

Show of hands: who's been here:

You awaken out of a sound sleep thinking about that difficult conversation you need to have.

Staring at the ceiling. Scripting your opening line. Predicting their reaction. Rehearsing your comeback. Feeling your heart rate increase.

By the time morning arrives, you've had the conversation, but not with the person you need to have it with!

You feel like you're prepared, but you're not. You're exhausted!

There's a better way. Barbara teaches it → clearlycommunicate.com

There is a conversation you have been holding all week.

You have rehearsed it in the shower. Softened it in your head. Waited for a better moment that never quite arrives.

Here is what happens next.

You say something eventually, but it comes out sideways. The other person hears a different message than the one you meant.

Now there are two problems: the original one and the fallout from how you finally said it.

Leadership communication is not about the perfect script. It is about saying what needs to be said before it gets messy.

That is the work Barbara Jenks does at Clearly Communicate. Twenty-plus years of HR leadership. SHRM-SCP. Advanced Cornell certifications. A practical method built for the conversations that keep you up at night.

Save this the next time you find yourself putting one off.

Comment CLEARLY to learn more about working with Barbara.

Read that again. 👇

When you dread having a difficult conversation, know that knot in your stomach is not about them. It's about the story you've been running on repeat in your head.

The real problem isn't the “difficult” conversation. It's the conversation you keep having with yourself about the conversation.

Ready to stop rehearsing and start resolving? I have spent 20+ years helping leaders at companies like Boeing and 20th Century Fox master the conversations most people avoid.

Learn the tools → clearlycommunicate.com

The conversation you keep putting off is already costing you something.
Sleep. Trust. Time. The next promotion for someone who deserved to hear the feedback six months ago.

Here’s what you don’t hear in the average leadership course: Communication does not fall apart at the words. It falls apart before the words. In how your body language and tone say something different than your words. In your assumptions. In the second you decide to soften, delay, or overexplain.

You do not need a better script. You need to notice what’s off sooner.

That is what Barbara Jenks teaches at Clearly Communicate.

Twenty plus years in HR leadership, SHRM SCP credentials, advanced Cornell certifications, and a method built from thousands of real workplace conversations she has watched, mediated, and cleaned up.

Three skills. One clearer way forward. Awareness. Listening. Word choice.
Strengthen one and the pushbacks quiet down. Strengthen all three and people no longer have to guess what you mean.

Save this for the conversation you have been rehearsing in your head all week. Then head to clearlycommunicate.com and take the Strategic Communication Assessment. See the pattern. Change the conversation.

Which slide hit hardest, one, two, or three? Tell me in the comments.

Comment "CLEARLY" to learn more