Single mom vs. tiny angry roommate

On today’s episode of single mom vs. tiny angry roommate:

Ariana wakes up at 7:00am. ON PURPOSE.
We don’t even function in this house until 7:30. That 30 minutes? That’s not time… that’s survival. That’s the last shred of peace I have before chaos clocks in.

But no. She’s up. Fully awake. Thriving. Existing loudly.

So now I have to get up because apparently we’re not letting people go back to sleep like normal humans. Cool.

I tell her to go shower, get ready, act like she has somewhere to be (which, apparently, she does—because today is ANOTHER field trip that I 100% signed a paper for and have zero idea where my child is going. Love that for me.)

Also after school? She’s going out for wings with my mom and “her girls” — aka the waitresses she adopted as her emotional support squad. Honestly, respect.

Anyway—she’s ready 45 minutes early (for what??? a pre-bus red carpet??), so now she wants to TALK.

So I ask her about AJ.

UPDATE:

* No kiss. (She threatened me twice like she was starring in a teen drama… nothing happened. Shocking.)
* Did not ask him to prom. Because suddenly Miss Attitude has… shyness?? Since when??
* Their “date”? Oh yeah—romantic. Just her… sitting at the opposite end of the table… with SIX PEOPLE buffering between them like it’s a social distancing requirement.

BUT WAIT—

She wrote her number on a piece of paper to give to him…
…and then gave it to a TEACHER to give to him…
…RIGHT before getting on the bus to come home yesterday.

So basically we’ve now involved a third party in what could’ve been a simple “hey.”

LOVE THE STRATEGY.

NOW TODAY—she’s mad because AJ hasn’t texted or called yet.

She goes,
“He should’ve texted me by now 😡”

I said maybe he has butterflies or maybe the teacher didn’t give it to him yet.

She looks at me, dead serious:
“What do butterflies 🦋 have to do with it??”

And I start laughing because I forgot—this girl takes EVERYTHING literal.

She goes:
“It’s not funny mom. THIS is why you don’t have a boyfriend. You think everything is funny.”

…

THE BUS PULLS UP.

She leaves.

And now I’m standing there in silence, questioning my entire personality like…

…damn. She might be onto something. 😩🤔