Psychotherapy services for the public; training and continuing education for psychotherapists provided by Candyce Ossefort-Russell, LPC-S
Operating as usual
When my therapist or friends or family members met me inside the depths of my sadness or rage or confusion and didn’t try to fix me, the connection we shared in those dark places deepened our relationships with each other.
We live in a culture that shames vulnerability and encourages using positive thinking to eradicate sadness, so we end up being emotionally left alone when we are suffering the most. Being alone and not understood within grief is hell.
When our social brains are in such distress, what we most need is to be understood. Feeling like our emotions are understood is often the only thing that helps in times of anguish.
Grief itself is hard to bear, and it can be frightening and overwhelming because it’s surprisingly intense and long-lasting.
Lessons I've Learned from Loss:
Being connected in sadness is a deep form of love.
♡Silvia♡ on Twitter “🍀💐🍀Give a moment...”
The people who freely gave time and energy and love to me felt loved by me when I accepted what they offered. Many people offered me help to pay forward help they’d received in the past when they were in need, and it was meaningful to them to be allowed to pass that help along.
Yet as I began to reach out and then to receive what was being offered to me, I realized that receptivity is a skill.
Greater Good on Twitter “Paying attention to nature can have profound benefits. What have you noticed in nature lately? Share your photo with #happinesspod and let us know what it felt like to tune in. We might feature you in our podcast The Science fo Happiness! 📸::@tejalrao https://t.co/rwPxEQYlxe”
I’m a strong person. I was raised to be self-sufficient and independent. Plus, I grew up in a culture that claims that it’s better to give than it is to receive. Boy was I humbled about that when Marty [my husband] died.
Nilofar Hossain on Twitter ““How I linger to admire, admire, admire the things of this world that are kind, and maybe also troubled - roses in the wind, the sea geese on the steep waves, a love to which there is no reply?” ― Mary Oliver © Don Hong-Oai”
Just as your heart will enlarge to hold all the love that’s available to you, your heart will also stretch to feel many emotions at once. Feel it all.
We’re taught a simplistic model of emotion in our culture. We think we can feel only one emotion at a time. We fear that gratitude will eradicate our grief, that anger will obliterate our love. That’s simply not true. Emotions are more richly textured that that.
Louie Schwartzberg on Twitter “"Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth." - Henry David Thoreau https://t.co/o6uPl7kd7u https://t.co/VWlPLHpnvP”
When Marty [my husband] died, I didn’t care if I lived or died on my own behalf. Simultaneously, when I looked at my then-11-month-old child, I passionately wanted to live no matter what it cost me.
Don’t hold back your love. Your heart will expand to hold as much love as comes your way.
My love for Rod [my second husband] is every bit as enormous as my love for Marty. Rod didn’t supplant Marty in my heart, and Marty doesn’t cramp the heart-space I have available for Rod. My heart grew to hold a full-sized love for both of them at once.
Lessons I've Learned from Loss:
Your heart can hold an infinite amount of love.
Zen Moments on Twitter “A smile remains the most inexpensive gift I can bestow on anyone and yet its powers can vanquish kingdoms. ~ Og Mandino”
Open yourself to receive as much love as comes your way. Love, truly shared, is worth every tear.
We humans are wired to love, to attach, to need each other. Yet to love is to be vulnerable to loss. There is no way to prevent feelings of grief except to shut yourself off from love.
Megan Devine on Twitter “Many folks are feeling like they don't have the right to grieve cumulative everyday losses or losses unrelated to the pandemic because "other people have it worse." Here's why that's the opposite of helpful and everyday losses deserve acknowledgement too. https://t.co/7waEUmFGud”
I knew that the pain I felt was the emotional manifestation of how much his love had filled me up. The only way to have not felt that pain would have been to have not known the depth of our love. The intense pain created by his absence revealed the magnitude of love we’d shared.
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Respect is the cornerstone and primary emphasis of my practice. i've been a Marriage and Family Therapist and Professional Counselor for over 30 years.
Emotional wellness for the music community. Visit simsfoundation.org or call (512) 494-1007 for information about SIMS services.
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