Paola Garcia M.S., LMFT

Lately I’ve had to touch on the topic of self-compassion little bit more than usual.
And girl, I get it. Life has not been easy, being on this planet is not easy!

When I touch on the topic of self-compassion, I notice that it’s very easily brushed off. It’s easily dismissed and is not given the proper attention it needs to be given.

A tool I’ve been using to assess and determine a clients levels of self-compassion is Kristen Neff’s Self Compassion Scale (SCS) that can be found for free on her website www.self-compassion.org. This is amazing tool to assess for and identify both negative and positive self affirmations, statements, thoughts, behaviors and patterns in which we provide compassion to ourselves.

It assesses the following areas:
Self-Kindness
Self-Judgment
Common Humanity
Isolation Items
Mindfulness
Over-identification

All key components in our self view and how we provide care and compassion to ourselves.

And I’ll tell you, recently that I’ve done the scale with clients, the scores are not pretty. And it’s very eye opening for clients to notice and realize how judgmental, critical, negative and even harmful how they can be to themselves.

Biggest thing to point out is that it’s OK to be this way and you shouldn’t blame, shame or guilt yourself by any means.
That’s not first off nice or helpful to you. But instead accept it and identify the who, what, when, where, how self-compassion plays a role in your life. And I’ll tell you it’s in all aspects of life to how you treat yourself emotionally, mentally and physically even spiritually.

Much credit goes to Kristen Neff for her work and the meaning it has to help people be kinder to themselves, love themselves and to do the action to practice self-compassion.

I was inspired after reading “Confidence Code” which mentioned her research and self-compassion being a key factor along with self-esteem and self efficacy in developing a positive sense of self and being confident.

I hope this came be a tool for you or to share with others to help you on your own journey of self-love and growth 🩵🪻🌷🪷

Disclaimer: both a personal post but I hope what I share can help others.

In 2020 my life changed where I had to make a big decision for myself to leave a relationship that was not healthy. Afterwards, I wondered wtf am I going to do?

An old supervisor advised that I start my own practice as there were platforms where I could get quick clients and make quick money. I did it and then from there I ramped up my private practice.

This journey of the private practice world was one where I realized there was a lot of inner work that I had to do to get to where I wanted to be. That was in all forms, mentally, emotionally, through relationships (not just romantic but family and friends too). Also financially ESPECIALLY financially. There was a lot that I had to clean up and to this day I am still cleaning up!

As therapists, we help people but no one talks about how as you do this job your own inner work also needs a lot of attention. And trust me it WILL present itself in one way or another.

The work is constant and never ending and I know will continue learning.

I want to share these books as resources because they also helped me in my inner work. These are books that I came across on my own as well as online and through family.
They ARE absolutely life changing I promise 👌🏼

Biggest lessons:
1. Love runs the world. Fear destroys the world.
2. Emotions run the world
3. Emotions and money are tied together and are rooted to your childhood and if those things are not processed and resolved you will continue to have problems in those areas.
4. Issues with confidence/self worth and self esteem are also rooted in childhood. And also if not addressed or processed you will continue to have problems in those areas

Anywho, I hope these are helpful! Peace and blessings ✌🏼💐

You know… idk bout yall…..but how and why did the past month fly by so fast?!? It was a hard and absolutely exhausting month. Aries season is usually difficult BUT NOT THIS DIFFICULT. I blame it on the eclipse. 🌝 If anything, I learned how to slow down and just take care of what needed to be taken care of. For me: that’s myself, my family/loved ones, my dog and my living space. It’s all I can handle sometimes and that’s ok.

I love Spring though, because it does feel like a rebirth. Like you can undo and let go of all that needs to be let go of. For me it’s felt like coming out of a very heavy cocoon. There’s been big changes in my personal life that have been difficult to cope with - but I’m ok, here and present. I’m living and loving every moment I get to spend with the precious beings I’ve been blessed with and the amazing abundance that surrounds me 🌎🌳🪻🌻

The world is heavy at right now. We all feel it.
Please take care of yourself.

There’s individual grief and there’s also collective grief.
You could be going through both, whether there’s a big change in your life, a transition, someone has passed, you’ve lost a friend (there are more types of loses) That’s grief. Collectively, there is a lot the world has lost and is still losing.

Grief can present emotionally or mental, but physically and socially as well.
In these moments, practice self-compassion.
We don’t it for others?! Why aren’t we able to do it for ourselves?!
The answer is because wits uncomfortable, we don’t want to experience these things. It’s easier to ignore, avoid and suppress. The more you do that however, the more it will show up in many different ways. These ways can either be healthy or unhealthy.
Listen to yourself. Ask yourself - what do I need?
Tend to that and do it in a healthy/non-destructive way.
It’s ok to grieve and it’s also ok to not know when the grieving will end.
But most importantly take care of yourself first 🫂🌎

Little miss Pisces season 🌊🐟💧you were A LOT. But not in a bad way. Well maybe…It was an intense season.
Some of y’all may not know this, but Pisces are some of my favorite people.
They are POWERFUL, emotionally intelligent, kind and sweet souls.
On the flip side they have BIG EMOTIONS.
If they are mad THEY ARE BIG MAD. If they are sad they are DOWN.
However, they truly are the most go with the flow, fun-loving people around.

This Pisces season, I learned that I the world is going through a collective form of grief and it’s honestly kind of overwhelming. I learned to continue to go with the flow and to stay working hard. That although there are days I don’t want to be a therapist, I know that I am serving a role on the world to help others in the way that I can.

Hello Aries szn, yall buckle up! 🔥🧨

Love is in the air 💕💖💞💓💝🌈🏳️‍🌈

Insta only let me post 10.
What are your relationship green flags?!
Post in the comments below! I’d love to hear them!

Hi everyone! I hope everyone is staying cozy and warm ❄️🥶🥰

I have great news!

Starting in February 2024, I will be working with LMFT Associates located in Texas for supervision.

I am open to meeting with potential supervisees starting NOW! Please contact me using the link in my bio or [email protected]
to schedule a free consultation.

Happy New Year everyone!
Wanted to share these two new books my sister got me for Christmas. I’m excited to read them now that life is not as hectic and I hope I can spread the knowledge into my work, other therapists and clients.

The first is: “Decolonizing Trauma Work
Indigenous Stories and Strategies”
By Renee Linklater

The second is: “Indigenous Healing Psychology
Honoring the Wisdom of the First Peoples”
By Richard Katz

Update on life - December 2023 was one of the most intense and stressful months of my life. Tbh, I don’t even know how I got through, honestly having my mom around to support me was number one. But it was something I haven’t even processed with my own therapist but plan to do so. But through the process, I did my best to stay present, grateful, calm, rested and had to place a lot of boundaries with many things that were new, hard and difficult to do so but it had to be done for my own well being.

I don’t share a lot of personal info or will I share details, but I will say my family got really good news about my dad’s immigration case. We were all overwhelmingly happy and grateful. It was a blessing and thankfully,
that stress has melted away.

I also had to move and moving during holidays is something I don’t recommend. But again so grateful for my mom, partner and friends who pulled through to help me move my things to my new place.

I love my new place and I feel at peace in many different areas of my life and I can’t wait to see what this year will bring.

I hope your new year will be full of growth, blessings and abundance ✨

Out of all of the emotions that present themselves in sessions with clients, shame is one of the hardest to work with. It’s complex, complicated and often times difficult to identify and even harder for a client to identify that it’s what they have been feeling or have been for perhaps a very long time.

Shame-based identifications may be present in our needs for connection, attunement, trust, autonomy and love/sexuality. These identification may be so engrained that a person may not realize that they have been identifying with those thoughts of “I don’t deserve” to not even our basic needs.

However, we all deserve to feel connected, to receive support and love, to trust ourselves and others.

Learning to connect with yourself if the first key. Internal distress is oftentimes associated with internal shame. Asking yourself “what is going on within me?” “What is my body trying to tell me?”. “How can I help myself self-regulate?”. What’s important is to do so without associating or externalizing or putting blame on anyone else or anything.

Next is listening to the actual content of possible “labels” that you’ve been given or told or have told to yourself. Asking: “How can I be more self-compassionate and kinder to myself?”.

Lastly trusting yourself. Maybe someone else didn’t trust you in the past but know that you can give yourself trust for who you are and what you’re doing and accepting that also in a more compassionate way.

Talking about this can be triggering - there should be no shame in getting support. If you’re thinking about su***de, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the 988 Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States

They are available via chat @ https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

or through the phone DIAL 988

Hello! Hola!

I am currently accepting new clients for individual, couples and family therapy!

A little about me: I incorporate my studies and background in Psychology/Neuroscience and my training as a family therapist to address complex trauma with clients. My trauma work has focused on processing childhood wounds, addressing unmet needs as a child, sexual, physical, emotional and psychological trauma. I also work with clients that may be experiencing stressful life transitions or grief/complicated grief. I am multiculturally/bilingually trained in Spanish and working with BIPOC/LGBTQIA clients.

I am currently accepting individuals, couples and families.
My specializations are in family systems, MDD related symptoms, PTSD/C-PTSD, GAD, young adults, life transitions, women's health, stress/anxiety, grief and trauma.

I accept most major insurances and EAPs (please see list through my website) and also offer a sliding scale fee for clients that do not have insurance.

I offer flexible scheduling on weekdays, afternoons and evenings.

I know therapy can be scary and feel possibly very overwhleming to even get started!

So, I offer a FREE 10-15 minute phone or video consultation for potential clients that ay have questions about the process.

OR if you need a more chill approach.... check out my $5 mini course found on my website if you are curious about what therapy is, starting the therapy process and what it would be like for you to start therapy.

Florece Desde Adentro Providing holistic, humanistic, and client-centered tele-mental health counseling for individuals, couples and families.

Your inner wounds are real. Listen to them, understand them, process them, tend to them. This is how you stay in touch with reality.

Who knows them best? You do.

What do they look like? In the way you treat yourself, your heart, your mind and your body.

How do they present? In your connection to yourself, your body and those that you connect with.

Where are they? Stored in your body - physically in your heart, your brain, your muscles and all of your organs. Medical illness can often present themselves as unresolved relational and emotional trauma.

Virgo szn is almost over. It was both peaceful but also externally intense. Virgo szn is about entering the duality of chaos and order. Aligning the vision with reality. The union of the mind and the physical world.

It’s about telling ourselves… “hey I want to get s**t done, now how the f**k am I going to do that?”.

I hope your goals, visions, dreams, manifestations have been set for either the short-term or the long-term. If not, my HW to you is to write them down but also to include THE HOW, THE WHAT, THE WHERE, THE WHEN. Having a plan! Otherwise, how will this even happen?! It’s in your mind but how is it meeting with physical reality?!?

The unfortunate reality is that no one is going to do anything for you. You hold the agency, the power, the will, the life force to do those things FOR YOU.

Now get up, write it down and let’s get to work! 🤓📝✍️👩🏻‍💻

Book recommendation 🌸🌺💐

This is a DEEP read. You have to be mentally and emotionally ready to read this one.

Grief itself is hard but imagine losing the person that gave you life?

The mother wound is one of the deepest, heaviest, hardest wounds someone can have. The word mother is usually equated with the words love, care and nurturance.

But not everyone can say that they had a “mother” in their life who was there, present, nurturing or giving. Everyone has dealt with a different circumstance with a “mother figure” and this book addresses all of that. Even going into the father and sibling connections and how those are affected as well.

I highly recommend this book to not only those who have lost their mother but also those who did not grow up with a mother or mother figure. For those who are grieving an absent mother. For those whose are grieving an estranged mother. For those grieving a past where their mother was a different person than who they are now. We all to some extent, have a mother wound.

Continuing and ending the five part series of our core needs from the NeuroAffective Relational Model of healing developmental trauma. Ending with the fifth need essential to a healthy sense of self, capacity for intimacy, and capacity for emotional and biological regulation we have is LOVE AND SEXUALITY. This is the capacity to live with an open heart & and integrate a loving relationship with a vital sexuality.

Individuals who have significant developmental trauma during the ages of 4-6 years old and puberty stages have difficulties with self-esteem and feel deeply flawed.

As a result of early heart break and feeling unacknowledged, not heard, rejected, seen, understood and and/or loved by one or both parents……Maintaining a consistent love relationship as adults is challenging.

Here I outline the effect of mis-attunement in each of the stages of development and the results of early trauma during crucial periods of puberty and sexual awakening.

I also share the two subtypes that can development and growth strategies that can help to be aware of relationship patterns, to be open and vulnerable as well as learning to surrender to emotions and the body 💓💟🤍

Me: *knock knock*
You: Whuttt
Me: Hi! Just reminding you to not forget about you, your needs and putting yourself first!
Enjoy that rest day, go to that bookstore, listen to music that fills your soul, treat yourself to that restaurant you’ve been wanting to go to, do activities that YOU love to do. You’re not selfish I promise.

You are the most important person in your world.

Your family, friend, your boo doesn’t what you to do that?! Lame…..
VERBALIZE to them “I’m doing this for me”.
They can choose to to listen, understand and support you.
And IF THEY DON’T, you need to reconsider that relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

The sun is currently in its natural home of Leo. It tells us that we are the SUN in our world and we need to SHINE BRIGHT. To be CONFIDENT, love ourselves to the fullest and show that to the world ☀️🌞🌅

You got this boo 🫶🏼🤍

New blog post - “Sleep”.

Ooo honey we NEED it!
But what’s the difference with the NEED of sleep? And the luxury of sleep?
When is it too little or too much sleep?

What are the benefits of sleep?

I also explore some other benefits with sleeping including exploring our unconscious mind, dreams, messages, divine connections and ACTUAL manifestions that can occur in real life.

Click the Linktree in my bio under “Self healing/blogs”

😴💤🥱

🤍Take yourself on dates. Go new places. Allow yourself to do all the things you’ve really want to do. Don’t wait for someone else to give you permission.

(Be your best friend, your gym partner, your coffee buddy, and your partner in crime. Be everything for yourself, rather than relying on others to be that for you.-unknown)

Next on the book recommendations list is “I Am Diosa” by a fellow Latina therapist . A straight QUEEN SHE IS!

This book shook me to the core and aligned on every level about my beliefs about our souls, inter-generational trauma, healing past traumas, addressing attachment wounds and being present and aware of how our past affects us now.

The way she combines soul healing, psychology, latinidad, spirituality, body energies, meditation and more is just “chefs kiss”. There’s really no other book like it.

As you can tell my copy is a lil beat as I’ve gone back to it many times when I myself need a suggestion to myself to be wholly present in any state I find myself in.

But yes highly recommend and get your copy NOW!
You can find it on Amazon. I do have a “blog/self healing section” with this and other books I recommend on my website (link in bio) where you can click on the link to go directly to amazon to purchase.

Happy healing 🫶🏼🤍

Continuing the five part part series of our core needs. The fourth need essential to our psychological and emotional wellbeing is autonomy. Autonomy is the capacity to set appropriate boundaries, capacity to say no and set limits, capacity to speak our mind without guilt or fear.
Our need for independence is a necessity to be our true/authentic selves, meet our own needs (physical/emotional) and be open and verbalize our thoughts, concerns and needs as individuals.

For those who exhibit this survival style, they are often kind and open hearted but have difficulty setting limits and boundaries.
They prize loyalty and are good friends but are focused on avoiding conflict and pleasing others. As a result they may not be forthcoming with negative feelings.

They may be secretly resentful particularly in intimate relationships where they may feel resentful. It can be then hard to know with others where one stands with them.

Here I outline events that cause the development of the autonomy survival style, how the autonomy survival style presents as an adult and growth strategies.

If you are currently in a crisis please dial the mental health hotline at 988.
If you are experiencing emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse at home or in an intimate relationship please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. If you’d like to process and work through some of the above concerns it could be helpful to work a trained professional to process, learn coping strategies and undo thought and behavioral patterns that could be associated with having trouble setting boundaries with others.

Hola Junio 👋🏼🌞🔥 what would you like to manifest for yourself? Self-love, a new love?, a new job, abundance, healing, sounds relationships, inner-peace? Write it down ✍️📝 Write down the traits of self love, of that new person, that new job, what abundance looks like. That’s my hw to you lol. Manifest it 🌌 You got this 💪🏼

Continuing the five part series of our core needs essential to well being. The third need essential to a healthy sense of self, capacity for intimacy, and capacity for emotional and biological regulation we have is TRUST. This is the capacity for healthy dependence and interdependence.

Different to Attunement this is knowing that YOU and others are able to be your own authentic selfs, are able to be vulnerable and supportive.

This survival style is one that you may not think it is! It is developed in families where the parents may present children with roles that do not match their age, may want a child to fulfill roles and achievements for their own benefit or for positive social feedback, basically making a child be who THEY want them to be not allowing a child to be their true authentic self.

As a result, the child as they grow up, do not know who they are and do not trust themselves. Because they don’t trust themselves they don’t trust others and do not know how to have a healthy dependence on others. This creates a distorted sense of self that seeks to either seduce, manipulate or overpower others in order to obtain power and meet their own goals.

I present the situations, subtypes and growth strategies with this survival style.

Working with a trained professional to help you heal from this kind of trauma is the most ideal strategy to help you address themes of betrayal, process, identify and change thoughts and behaviors that may be reinforcing a lack of trust within yourself. As you become close to your true heart you can then learn to be vulnerable and to trust others.

I decided to extend to provide coaching services to reach and provide services to clientele that my current therapist license restricts.

For example - my license restricts me from seeing clients outside of Texas 🤠 or clients that are traveling.

With coaching, I can also practice with using a variety of strategies and modalities that are outside of the psychological and theoretical approach.

Basically I’m going to keep it 💯 real with you!

As a therapist, I am uniquely positioned to offer coaching services that integrate my clinical expertise and therapeutic skills.

Coaching focuses on personal growth 🪴, goal attainment ✅ and creating positive change ⏰ in specific areas of life.

Drawing upon my education, training and experience as a Latina therapist, I can provide a supportive and empowering environment for clients seeking coaching.

I will actively listen 👂ask thought-provoking questions 🧐 and provide you with guidance and feedback to inspire personal insight and self-discovery.

I’ll create a non-judgmental space where you can explore your thoughts, emotions, and challenges openly. Together, we will identify and overcome any behavioral barriers or limiting beliefs/thoughts that may be hindering your progress, while leveraging your existing resources and strengths 💪🏼

I’m currently offering coaching services to:

* First gen professionals entering or currently in a sphere of being a POC in professional or career spaces 👩🏻‍💼👨🏻‍💼🤝

* Latinx and first gen therapists wanting to enter the private practice space or therapists wanting to add on coaching to their therapy practice 💻🤓✏️

* Clients needing guidance and coaching with their current relationship or wanting to dip their toes into dating 💌💟❤️‍🔥

Another book (or in this case series) recommendation!

An amazing series of books by Lindsay C. Gibson.

The series is as follows:

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
2. Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries & Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy
3. Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence

This series one is probably the most thorough and practical in providing actual tools, strategies and tips on how to establish boundaries not just with our parents but also with anyone that we might come across at work, school, partners, siblings.

An amazing series and one that can help especially those in our community where boundaries are sometimes not a thing. It’s important to note that not all parents are self involved or that they intentionally mean to behave in ways that are harmful. Nor does it mean that they are narcissists either. It just means they were not taught those things so they pass it on to the next generation. We can heal our generation and then pass that on to the next.

Continuing the five part part series of our core needs. The second we have is Attunement. This is the capacity to attune to our needs and emotions AND
capacity to recognize, reach out for and take in physical and emotional nourishment.

Following connection this is a need that I find the most issues with in clients. We’ve become so used to attending to others needs and emotions that we forget about ours. Why does this happen? One of the main reasons is that our caregivers growing up may have intentionally or unintentionally made us to feel that what they are feeling we also need to feel. But this must be kept separate what others feels does not mean that we are the reason. We can be supportive, but we don’t have to absorb. That’s the difference. We have our own needs and emotions as well.

Here I outline factors that contribute, the two subtypes (inhibited versus unsatisfied), behavioral characteristics and growth strategies.

Here is another book recommendation!

This book was written by a fellow LMFT.
Yes he is a male, yes he is a white male and yes this is a Christian based book.

However, it is beautifully written and I wouldn’t recommend a book that was not powerful.

He starts by addressing the types of wounded hearts - the bruised heart, the hardened heart, the performance heart, and the addicted heart. All real and physical effects that may be caused by a father wound.

He talks about memories of dad, fatherless or absent fathers, father who have passed away. How to acknowledge the rage, anger, depression, and possibly denial about how your father wound has affected you.

It’s powerful and can guide you in the right direction to heal and move forward from the pain and hurt that your soul and body hold within.

You might wonder, do I have a father wound?
I personally don’t have a big father wound. My dad has been present my entire life thankfully to this day. I love him very much and I’m so grateful for his presence. He is however, a first gen immigrant, one without documentation, without a steady job and I saw him struggle and work his ass off day in and day out doing physically hard labor to keep his family taken care of. That was his love language, always caring for us through me and my siblings physical needs. He was not affectionate but I know he loves us. Thats my wound. I continuously do the work to show others I love them. Its still hard and I have to forcefully tell my mind to verbalize or to physically show others I care. It’s a work in progress. Life is constant work.

Somos nuestro cuerpo. Pero lo tratamos como algo ajeno que queremos cambiar a nuestro antojo y eso solo nos trae sufrimiento. Escuchémoslo más y confiemos en él.

CÓMO HABLAR CON NUESTRO CUERPO
Estos son fáciles y rápidas maneras de de conectar con el cuerpo.
1. Conciencia corporal- Capacidad de escuchar lo que dice tu cuerpo
2. Escaneo corporal- lleve su atención a sus pies y observe y respire lentamente hacia su cabeza
3. Auto Abrazo- Regálate un abrazo, aquí y ahora

We are our body. But we treat it as something foreign that we want to change at will and that only brings us suffering. Let's listen to your body more and trust it.

HOW TO TALK WITH OUR BODY
These are quick and easy ways to connect with the body.

1. Body Awareness- Ability to hear what your body says
2. Body Scan - bring your attention to your feet and notice and breathe slowly towards your head
3. Self Hug - Give yourself a hug, here and now

I’ll be starting a part series on the Five Core Needs and capacities essential to well being from the Neuroaffective Relational Model.

The core needs are: Connection, Attunement, Trust, Autonomy and Love and Sexuality.

It is an approach that I’ve been using with client to help process, work through and heal developmental trauma. This information can be found in the book “Healing Developmental Trauma” by Laurence Heller, PhD and Aline Lapierre, PsyD

Connection is the first one.
It is the capacity to be in touch with our body and our emotions. AND
Capacity to be in connection with others.

An adaptive survival style for connection results in someone feeling disconnected from their physical and emotional self.
AND
Difficulty relating to others.

Here some (there are more) of the early events and shock trauma that may cause long-term traumatic reactions and difficulties with connection.
As well as the the behavioral characteristics to be aware of and growth strategies to work through on your healing journey or with the guidance and support of a practitioner.

Please like and share to those you may feel that this information may be helpful!
Thanks! 🫶🏼