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Healing But Not Feeling: Men’s Commitment to Faux-Transformation - Andrew J Bauman   Let me be candid with you, many men who say they're on this journey of transformation and change are, well, frankly, full of ofσκύβαλα aka skubala (this is the Greek word for s**t, dung, f***l matter, decayed waste made famous by the Apostle Paul which he used in his letter to

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Why James Dobson’s Article Is So Useful to Predators | Life-Saving Divorce This article explains why predators find James Dobson’s father-forgiveness advice useful: it minimizes cruelty, redirects blame, and pressures victims to adapt to harm.

Understanding Toxicity in Family Dynamics

🌱 The more toxic a person is, the less likely they are to be challenged within their family. This insight can help us navigate our relationships and cultivate healthier dynamics.
Here are six key points to consider:
1. Recognizing Toxic Patterns: Understand that toxicity often thrives in silence. Acknowledging toxic behavior is the first step towards change.
2. Fear of Conflict: Family members may avoid confronting a toxic person due to fear of confrontation or potential backlash. Addressing this can be empowering for everyone involved.
3. Cycle of Enabling: Many families unknowingly enable toxic behavior by not calling it out. Breaking this cycle can help foster accountability and healthier interactions.
4. The “Poke the Bear” Metaphor: Challenging a toxic individual may feel like provoking a sleeping bear—but it’s crucial for personal and collective growth.
5. Building Stronger Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries can minimize exposure to toxic behaviors and protect your mental health, leading to healthier family dynamics.
6. Seeking Support: If dealing with a toxic family member feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a counselor or support group. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
💬 Let’s create a conversation around toxicity in families. Share your thoughts or experiences below. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being!

🌟 Embrace True Kindness! 🌟
Self denial isn’t the kindness you might think it is—it’s people pleasing. 💡

It’s okay to proactively care for yourself with others.

Here are 12 signs you might be a people pleaser:
1. You say yes too often.
🌱What to do: Plan to say no more often than yes. Practice saying, “Thank you for considering me for that, but I don’t have capacity right now.”
2. You apologize unnecessarily.
🌱What to do: Shift your language to be kind without self-diminishing: “I an happy to own my part, can we discuss your role in this?”
3. You take on the emotions of others.
🌱What to do: Remember, their feelings are often about them, not you.
4. You keep quiet to avoid conflict.
🌱What to do: Get comfortable voicing your opinion assertively. It’s okay to say, “When we avoid these conversations, it affects [the relationship, the work environment, or specific outcomes]. I think it’s important for us to communicate openly and to address any issues directly.”
5. You struggle to set boundaries.
🌱What to do: Be firm but fair, “I am not open to that; here’s my limit” without over-explaining.
6. You avoid asking for help.
🌱What to do: Begin with small requests, like asking for a favor.
7. You feel guilty for self-care.
🌱What to do: Reframe self-care as self-respect. YOU are the source …refill frequently.
8. You constantly seek validation.
🌱What to do: Reflect on whether your actions are for you or for approval.
9. You’re drained from helping.
🌱What to do: Notice resentment—it’s a sign you’ve given too much.
10. You can’t make decisions alone.
🌱What to do: Trust your judgment by making small decisions solo.
11. You struggle to accept praise.
🌱What to do: No deflecting, simply say, “Thank you.”
12. You feel uneasy if others are upset.
🌱What to do: Accept that discomfort is temporary and can be good. You can’t control other people’s feelings & moods. Shift out of discomfort by staying present with difficult feelings, instead of avoiding.

Thanks for the reminder. 🙏🏼

Pastors being discovered in emotional and/or sexual relationships with staff or congregants, sadly, is not a new thing. It’s likely happening down the road from most of us. Gratefully, how we are talking about it is a new!

Thanks to psychological research, we now know how deeply power and control dynamics run, so we can better support victims of clergy sexual abuse.

📌 fyi: Nobody is having a “consensual affair” with their pastor. Instead, they are being victimized and abused by power and platform in the name of God.

Pastors being discovered in relationships with staff or congregants, sadly, is not a new thing. It’s likely happening down the road from most of us. Gratefully, how we are talking about it is a new!

Thanks to psychological research, we now know how deeply power and control dynamics run, so we can better support victims of clergy sexual abuse.

📌 fyi: Nobody is having a “consensual affair” with their pastor. Instead, they are being victimized and abused by power and platform in the name of God.