RitvaMaria

Our deepest need is to love and be loved- without needing to be someone different to be accepted for who we are.
We are wired to connected.
We are designed to be with others.
Which means disconnection can be incredibly painful…

And still genuine connection where we feel we belong, deeply secure and known,
can seem an impossible ask at times.

But to heal disconnection with others, and instead experience a sense of belonging, the place we can look for why we might feel seperate and different - is in ourselves.

Until I can show up as myself without the need to adjust who I am to be accepted by you I will always be at the mercy of other’s opinions, demands and expectations.

When I know myself and can be with all of who I am then the feeling of connection I long for can come from inside of myself which then naturally extends to my relationship with you.

This is what it means to be secure.

Which will never perfect and complete but an ongoing process of self discovery as we grow into ourselves more and more.

Learning to love and care for ourselves is the practice that creates the belonging, connection and acceptance we want… and by coming into a more authentic relationship with ourselves we heal the wounds that kept us seperate from others in a way that feels good in every part of our being.

Healing is a choice we make to be happier in ourselves and with others. Because doing the work of healing past wounds and hurts either as an individual or as a couple will always lead to healthier, happier relationships which is the foundation for a life that feels good.

Feeling secure is what we all want at heart. 🌹

It's the feeling of being okay no matter what .

It's the knowing that you can work things out no matter what .

It's the confidence that how others show up has less to do with you than it has to do with their own inner world ...you can acknowledge that they have their own perceptions, beliefs and stories of who they are, who you are and how the world is..

Feeling more secure in ourselves creates a feeling of certainty in the world and our relationships with others that is not so easily rocked out of balance.

We are less flooded with worries, fears and insecurities that have roots in the stories we unconsciously hold of our ‘not enoughness’…

We can see more clearly ‘what is mine and what is yours’…as the two become less entangled and confused …

And that is the work we are invited to do - to feel the wholeness inside of our own beingness to such depth that we rarely get lost in the ups and downs of life that for the most part we can’t control or influence in the way we’d like to …

What does it mean to feel secure?

Why is it so hard to love ourselves in a genuine, sincere, tangible way? Our developmental history and attachment style holds the key …

We all want to be happier in some area of life, whether it’s in how we feel about ourselves,our relationships,work or life in general….

all of which depend on how we feel about ourselves as foundational…

So despite all the conversations on different ‘attachment styles’ the one that we are all working toward is simply the one where we can feel better about ourselves- which is what becoming more ‘secure’ is all about.

Becoming more secure and developing healthy self love are interchangeable …

Which means the personal work we are invited to do to become more secure, is to cultivate the qualities and practices that nurtures deep self acceptance, genuine self worth, and connection to our innate value that we were born with..before life experience happened.

In other words it’s more than a theory or a concept without real, felt, embodied impact.

So if you’re still asking Why is becoming more secure so important? Aren’t we supposed to just accept ourselves as we are? Isn’t self love just being okay with whatever and whoever we are being?

‘Yes’ and ‘no’ is the answer to that..

When we can live from a more secure sense of self, life becomes less overwhelming, less confusing and stressful, as we can trust ourselves to handle whatever comes up.

Becoming more secure is a self acceptance that acknowledges that we don’t need to be struggling with issues that cause so much worry, anxiety, distress internally.

A secure sense of self says that it’s okay to see what needs attention and that we can address issues with care and compassion for positive change moving forward …without making ourselves wrong for it.

Acceptance doesn’t mean we have to put up with all of our habitual thinking, feeling, doing when the results clearly aren’t good for us!

If we have certain tendencies that hurt us (and others) it’s our responsibility to do something about it as true self acceptance is not about ignoring or defending what needs to change !

So at core, the process of becoming more secure is a process of learning to trust ourselves. Getting to know who we are again. Liking who we are so that we can make decisions which are good for us without getting stuck in constant self doubt and questioning..all of which are self loving actions.

Being more secure we trust ourselves enough to be able to get on with life.

And so at its most simple, becoming more secure is a process of developing deep self trust and doing what is in our best and highest interests because we value ourselves as the imperfect human that we are…in other words lived self love…

And this is learnable! And doable ..we just need to know how.

Which is the work of healing either over time by yourself or with someone skilled and trained in supporting you through the process of rediscovering self trust,belief, worth and value - so you can have the genuine self love that lasts through the turbulence of life.

#💜 DM if you’d like to chat about how I can help you in your selfhealing journey so that you can reconnect to that inner knowing that no matter what , you’ve got this and that you are more than okay 👌 returning to more self love is a process that is practical,pragmatic and only brings the positive ..and it doesn’t have to take forever either !🙏🌿

take care out there xx💜

There is no substitute for the innerwork of healing past wounds so that we can feel more free to be here and now ..

Everything we do in life gets passed onto others. Not just biologically through our family legacies but also through every person we speak to, connect with, share with.

We are both individual and inextricably linked to each other as a collective group of being human, interconnected in ways we barely understand but can often sense as being true…

Which means we can never be totally separate and isolated from the effect we have on others or they on us.

And as all wisdom teachings have shared over centuries, ‘we are one’ now quantum models of our world prove as being a measurable fact …

something to reflect on…🌹🌿

To do the work of Selfhealing is one of the most generous, compassionate decisions any one of us can make, that has a positive ripple effect which spreads far beyond our own personal lives out towards other people in our life and into the world around us … if we want a better world for everyone this is one area where all of us can have direct influence 🌿🙏

We are all doing what we know. If we knew more or thought we had other options that work better for us and those we care about. we would take them . And this applies to those we were brought up by as well. So maybe it’s time to let it go …

We cannot seperate our own healing from those we were brought up by as our development histories affect the quality of every area of our life!

Generational healing is a fairly new field in self development and personal growth with the advances in human technologies such as neuroscience , neurobiology , positive psychology , trauma studies, developmental theory and epigenetics to name a few.

Which means that our own healing has an effect on not just future generations but also changes the legacy of our family experiences. And because we have all inherited many challenges from our unique lineage, we are invited to work through them, even if our personal lives have been reasonably trauma free and secure (the minority of society btw!)

In other words your healing is not just about you and your life , but has an impact far beyond the personal that we tend to focus on.

In an interconnected world our personal healing journey plays a crucial part in the wider healing of our communities , society and world around us.

Don’t doubt it!🍀the science confirms it!

I want to encourage you to never doubt the importance of your self healing journey as having a wider impact for good in ways that you might never be aware of. What you do matters.

So if you want to contribute to the positive healing of our world - the personal work is where all of us can start with real impact spreading out from our own transformation.

I can’t think of a more powerful motivation for doing any innerwork .
Maybe you agree. 🙏🌿



Credit of image : nicabm

I see perfect balance. What do you see?
Paying attention to the details in nature is proven to calm the mind and regulate the nervous system.

As a form of mindfulness the principle is that what we focus on becomes magnified while all else is pushed to the edges of our awareness. It’s a simple and easy practice that activates the relaxation response with little effort involved- just intention to be more aware.

In nature it’s easier to allow for undistracted attention to surroundings.

Which is one reason I find if particularly effective as a resource to manage anxiety, depression and overthinking in general.

There is always so much to catch the eye and wonder about.

Like these rocks . Perfectly placed in a natural mosaic …how many waves have pushed them around, polished them, aged them over eons of time?

The next time you have a chance to be in natural surroundings pay more attention than usual,observe, slow down and simply notice what’s right there.

You might be surprised by the effect it can have on you . 🌿

A simple self care practice that I have developed over the years is to take in surroundings, images, environments or experiences which activate a sense of peace, calm, gratitude and other uplifting, nourishing feelings in me.
It’s only later I discovered that images we pay attention to have an impact on our biology, neurology, psychology. Studies show that simply contemplating images of peace and serenity can have a calming effect on the nervous system.
I know that to be true for myself and feel the effect of my surroundings on a very visceral felt sense. Which is why I pay particular attention to what I find beautiful , serene, inspiring or captivating big or small.
Sometimes it can simply be a flower growing through the cracks in paving or a photo that reminds me of a special time. Whatever it is, ’s a sense of appreciation knowing that it’s not just a mental experience but a full embodiment of where I direct my focus. 🌿🌹.