Ajeeboooh comedy

Man wey sabi

Mr Ibu and the Month That Finished Before Salary

Mr Ibu finally got his salary on the 30th.
₦150k landed in his account at 9:02am.
By 9:05am, he was already shouting “I am now a shareholder in enjoyment!”

His wife, Stella, came with the usual wisdom: “My husband, abeg make we sit down and plan this money.
NEPA bill, children school fees, foodstuff...”

Mr Ibu waved her off like he was chasing flies. “Plan? Budget?
Ah ah, Stella, you want to imprison money? Money is meant to breathe!
If you cage money, it will suffocate and die.
Let it move freely.”

Week 1: The Chairman Era
Day 1: He bought suya for the entire street. Even the dog of the landlord collected two sticks.
Day 2: He entered one boutique. “Pack 3 kaftans for me. Yes, the shiny ones that look like I’m contesting for governor.”
Day 3: He saw a “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” blender.
He doesn’t cook, but he bought 4. “In case NEPA decides to be faithful.”

Stella: “Daddy Chukwudi, have you kept money for house rent?”
Mr Ibu: “Rent? But we just paid last year na. Landlord cannot complain yet.
Let him breathe too.”

Week 2: The Hunger Games Begin
The kaftans had entered the wardrobe.
The blenders were still in nylon.
The suya was a distant memory.
Mr Ibu opened the fridge.
One tomato was inside doing press-up.
He picked it up: “Ah, you are the last man standing. Respect.”

NEPA brought bill. Mr Ibu looked at it, looked at his account balance: ₦2,350. He told the NEPA man, “My brother, come back when this paper matures. It’s not ripe yet.”

Week 3: The Negotiator
Stella: “Food is finished.”
Mr Ibu: “Impossible. Check well. Maybe food is hiding because of inflation.”

He went to his friend Osuofia to borrow ₦5k. Osuofia said, “But you were sharing money like Dangote two weeks ago?”
Mr Ibu sighed: “Brother, I didn’t know month has 31 days. I thought after the 15th, the next thing is next salary.
Who built this calendar?”

Day 28: The Revelation
Stella brought out a notebook. “This is what a budget looks like, Mr. Chairman.” She wrote: Food ₦40k, Rent ₦30k, School ₦25k, Savings ₦20k, Mr Ibu’s “miscellaneous enjoyment” ₦35k.

Mr Ibu stared at it like it was JAMB exam. “So you mean if I had followed this paper, that tomato in the fridge would have brothers and sisters?”
“Yes.”
“And NEPA man would not be praying for my downfall?”
“Correct.”

Mr Ibu nodded solemnly. “Stella, next month we will budget. In fact, I will be the Minister of Planning in this house.”

Day 1 of Next Month: The Sequel Salary entered.
Stella brought the notebook.
Mr Ibu collected it, used it to fan himself, then shouted: “Mama Chukwudi, let’s go to Shoprite! Budget starts tomorrow!”

Moral of the story: Some people’s budget is “God abeg.” And Mr Ibu is their president. 😂

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