MeThoughts

*LOST, STUCK AND LONELY*
I guess this is my one year update. I'm at work at the moment and i just opened fb. I have not open this page in over a year, I thought I lost it at some point. But I saw it and started reading my last post and I looked at the date and realised its been exactly a year since I wrote that. So muche has happened the last year. I wont talk about all of it here. I will give some highlights. I moved back to my country, me and him stayed in contact but I kind of broke it off because you can't do long distance and not be communicating. He was still replying hours later or sometimes would even go days without contact. I endured it for a while and when I no longer could, I stopped the relationship. He blocked me everywhere, or so I thought. He texted me months later, saying he misses me and want to see me, he would be in my country for a month. I agree to meet him and we rekindle things. He became better at communicating for a while but that didnt last too long. As I'm writing this now, I haven't hear from him for 6 days. The past nights I literally cried myself to sleep. Something I haven't done in a long time. Apart from him, my life isn't going as planned. I get depressed most of the time, working jobs that I'm not even happy doing. I've been feeling lost and stuck for a while now, adding my love life into the mix, doesn't help the situation either. I keep praying for a miracle, I keep working towards my goals, I keep hoping for something or someone, that will help turn my life around. I know how I'm supposed to live and I know this ain't it.
So to conclude this, life has take a huge turn for me, one I'm not happy with. I'm grateful that I'm healthy and surrounded by family, but I have goals I want to reach. I will keep praying, believing, working and hoping. One thing about me, I may be down for a day or two but I always get back up. I don't give up easy cause I know where I'm going in life, it's just taking a bit longer to get there.

*FALLING IN LOVE, AGAIN*
You got me 😊. When I first saw your picture on the dating site, you looked like one of me previous links. And I asked you right away if you were related to him. Thankfully, you were not. We started talking and I liked your vibe but you always replied hours later to a message. We didn't talked for like 2 months but when we started again we didn't stop. "What if I'm meeting my future hubby?" Those were my thoughts in the bus coming to meet you for the first time. We met up in the city, I was early. I was on the phone, you walked up to me and before I could say a word you kissed and hugged me, I melted on the inside🥰. I ended the phone called and hugged you one more time. We had a good first date. The second time seeing you is when my celibacy period of ten months ended. I had the best time and you feed me🥰. I can't stop thinking about how you played with my p***y on that chair, I came so many times🥵. And then came the back shots 🤯, with the size of your dick I felt it hitting my uterus. You fu**ed me so fu***ng good. It was worth the 10 months wait. The other times after that didn't disappoint either. My feelings grew stronger and I liked you more than before.
I can't say I'm in love with you yet, cause you've been keeping me in arms length. You don't talk much when we're together, you're not very affectioned with me and you still reply hours later. Sometimes I don't even get a good morning text. You bought me some things and you told me you don't do that for just anybody. In some way I know you like me, maybe not as much as I like you or maybe because I clingy and all bubbly but you're the laid back type. One thing I know for sure, I'm happy with you and if we continue, I will fall in love with you. You'll be the 3rd guy I fall in love with.
I do keep myself busy so I don't text you all day, so I don't think too much about you cause I have a strong feeling this won't work out. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm glad to be spending time with you. You've helped me more than you know. You keep my mind off what I'm going through at the moment.
I feel like I already love you, but I won't ever be the first to say that in a relationship again. Especially when I don't feel secure. I look forward to seeing you again and to have you fill up my p***y.

*I'M NOT OKAY*

I don't know where to start. I've been through so much these past few months. I'm trying so hard nit to give up but I get to a breaking point sometimes and then bounce back. This year has not been good to me, in fact I've experienced more s**t, since last year december till now, than I've ever experienced my whole life. And I'm in my late 20's. I guess it all started in November and rapidly gotten worst since December. I've cried, I've been depressed, I've been angry. Last month was the first time I went 24 hours without eating. I've lost hope, I've asked God why I'm going through so much all at once. I've been praying every night, when I don't have the courage to pray I just say: "Lord, you know best. I surrender my all to you". I don't know what else to do, everything else I've tried has failed. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm tired. It feels like I've been abandoned. I do have some good days but mostly bad days. Today was a bad day, I lost some money. And I'm not sad that I lost the money but I'm sad that this one thing I was trying to do to make my life a bit easier just failed. I know this is a part of life, everybody goes through s**t in their life. I know this is my hard time in life. It's not the worst life anyone could have. I try counting My blessings, other people have it far worse than me.
I've seen a video the other day, a man was explaining that God will sometimes put you in situations where you will have no other option but Him. It sound a bit manipulative, but that's the point I'm at right now. I do not know where my help will be from or how much longer I will go through this but I pray that it's very soon.

I know I will get through this and that is what keeps me going but most days I'm not okay....

*MY MIND IS A MESS*
How is it possible to miss so many people at once? I'm confused. I miss all of you even you that I haven't met yet. I know I only want to f*ck AH but when I saw him on that video with that girl right beside him, I got jealous and started missing him. We had good conversation and we understand each other, we had that one night when we enjoyed each other company but we only danced with each other. Everytime I think back to that day I feel your arms around me and your hands on my butt. I liked the way you touched me, it made me h***y and I wanted more of you.
TP, we have never seen each other maybe it won't happen either, but I was thinking of you yesterday and today. I miss our conversations.
I don't have to mention you, you are always in the back of my mind. You refuse to go away so you just stay there lurking. Hope all is well with you and I miss you most.

*WHO KNOWS*
I was thinking about you yesterday, so I looked up your profile. I saw something I never seen before, although I've been through your page many times. It has been there for years, almost as long as I've known you. And you posted it 2 days after our first time. It got me thinking and I was wondering if it was about me. Maybe you did consider me at one point and I missed it. Where there more signs that I've missed? Now that we aren't talking , I can't ask you all those questions. It is for the best anyways, I have to move on. I scared to love again but when I found someone who loves me as I him, everything will fall into place. Your post had me wondering and I realized that sometimes I do still miss you.
#872017