She Comes First

The older I get, the less interested I am in keeping the peace at the expense of my own

Finish the sentence: “I’m no longer willing to…“

✨ 2,000 Followers Giveaway! ✨
A bundle inspired by the conversations we share here: books, wellness products, self-care goodies, and a few fun surprises❤️😏

1. Follow Amber Venner | Midlife & Perimenopause
2. Like this post
3. Comment: What surprised you most in midlife?
4. Tag someone who navigates with you
4. Bonus entry:
Share to stories and tag me.

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JOIN US!
Women’s Circle: THE VAULT NIGHT

Sometimes the most powerful thing isn’t advice… It’s realizing you’re not the only one.

Join us for an intimate evening of connection, conversation, and community with other women navigating midlife, perimenopause, relationships, caregiving, identity shifts, stress, and everything in between.

This is a confidential space to share, listen, vent, laugh, cry, and be witnessed without judgment or the pressure to “fix” anything.

Come exactly as you are.
You don’t need to have the right words.
You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You just need a seat at the table.

Light snacks and refreshments provided.
Can’t wait to see you!

Tickets here ⬇️ or in bio.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/she-comes-first-womens-circle-the-vault-tickets-1991702452651?utm_experiment=test_share_listing&aff=ebdsshios&sg=734ddaa6158048bf9398a1f807508518fdee5ff306dbf313af5c3f3c8a3bc355a125312f5cc4bb5b83349b432b94fdffc47d19095c4c2753aada77c2f4830bac3bf502615c571a46ededbce407

You will feel guilty no matter what you choose.

Take the job?
Guilt.
Leave the job?
Guilt.
Stay in the relationship?
Guilt.
Leave the relationship?
Guilt.
Say yes?
Guilt.
Say no?
Guilt.
Spend the money?
Guilt.
Save the money?
Guilt.
Take time for yourself?
Guilt.

Keep putting yourself last?
Resentment.

Many of us were taught that if we could just find the “right” decision, we’d avoid feeling guilty. But that’s not how it works. When you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else, choosing yourself can feel uncomfortable.

Rest can feel selfish.
Boundaries can feel cruel.
Wanting more can feel ungrateful.
But feeling guilty doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong… Sometimes it just means you’re doing something different.

So if guilt is going to show up either way…
You might as well choose the option that feels most like you- The option that lets you sleep at night, gives you room to breathe, and is the one you’d want for your daughter, your best friend, or the woman sitting across from you having the exact same conversation.

Too many women have spent too many years letting it make their decisions for them.

Tell me: What’s a decision you’ve made that felt right… but still came with guilt?

Perimenopause gets blamed for a lot.

The hot flashes.
The random brain fog.
The intense mood swings.
The random crying.
The chin hairs coming in at alarming rates.

BUT!

Some of us aren’t just tired because of hormones. We’re tired because we’ve spent decades carrying things.

The mental load.
The emotional load.
The relationship load.
The family load.
The work load.
The “remember everything for everyone” load.

We’re tired of being needed.
Tired of being interrupted.
Tired of being responsible.
Tired of pretending we’re fine.
Tired of explaining why we’re tired.

And somewhere between the night sweats, forgotten words, and complete loss of patience, many of us are realizing something:

It wasn’t that we suddenly became angry. It’s that we stopped having the energy to tolerate things that never should have been ours to carry in the first place.

So tell me…

What’s one thing you’re sooo fu***ng tired of these days?

**kingtired

Happy Pride Month! 🌈
As a perimenopause advocate, I believe midlife health education must be fully inclusive.

The mainstream narrative is heavily marketed toward cisgender, heterosexual women. But the reality? Hormonal shifts happen regardless of how you identify or who you love.
From navigating menopause alongside gender-affirming care to finding a doctor who respects your pronouns, the hurdles for the LGBTQ+ community are systemic.

True health equity means you don’t have to choose between an affirming environment and expert clinical care. You deserve both.

COMING NEXT WEEK: I am sitting down for a deeply important conversation that you won’t want to miss. I can’t wait for you to meet .tattoo , a trans man going through perimenopause who is generously sharing his first-hand experience navigating this transition.

Share this post to help break the invisibility cloak around LGBTQ+ midlife health!