thenurturemethod

Hoping everyone had a magical Christmas 🎄

See you in 2022!

"Our society is in the throes of an ever increasing and worrying epidemic, that of infant sleep training. For six thousand years humans have parented in a manner similar to that of other mammals who nurture their young. Babies would be held both day and night, they would be placed at the breast whenever they needed and as a result, although new parents were undoubtedly tired, there was no need for experts or products to solve baby sleep problems. Quite simply baby sleep problems didn’t exist. Adults understood normal baby sleep and they understood what babies needed to sleep in a more restful way. They also understood that disrupted sleep was temporary and adjusted their lives accordingly.

The dawn of industrialisation two hundred years ago changed everything. The pursuit of wealth and material belongings relegated parenting to a second class occupation. A new role appeared, that of the male parenting expert, such as Truby King and John Watson. Parents were advised to put their babies on strict feeding and sleeping schedules and love was seen as a weakness. Children were not to be ‘mollycoddled’ or shown excessive affection. Parenting styles come in and out of vogue with regularity. Interestingly they always seem to reflect the state and views of society at the time. In the case of the industrialised society these views were predominantly misogynistic and focussed on increasing wealth and productivity. You could argue that this is the prevalent view still today."

Read more here:

The Epidemic of Baby Sleep Training The same sleep patterns that have been handled without trouble or ‘expert advice’ for thousands of years have now become a source of big business. It is in the benefit of industry for b…

The American Academy of Paediatrics recommends room sharing with your baby until AT LEAST 6 months but ideally, 1 year old.

Why?

Well there are a few reasons:

1) your breathing helps regulate THEIR breathing

2) your heartbeat helps regulate THEIR heart rate (so having baby right next to your bed is ideal)

3) it promotes a healthy and strong breastfeeding relationship (it’s still beneficial if you aren’t breastfeeding though)

4) it can help reduce maternal anxiety

5) it can reduce SIDS by up to 50%!!!

There are many other reasons but it all comes down to being in tune with your baby and your instincts as a new parent.

Being responsive to your baby throughout infancy helps develop their their brain, their emotional intelligence, secure attachment relationships and their confidence as a new human in this big world 🤍

This is how we’ve slept for most of his life.

In the early weeks, he wouldn’t sleep anywhere but my chest. He was light enough then that we’d sleep soundly together without any discomfort and it worked for both of us. I could feel his breath and heartbeat on mine and my anxiety lifted. I guess his did too.

Now he’s 15 months and he sleeps more independently but always ends up right here in the mornings.

This is normal. This will not last forever.

Your baby may not co-sleep, but it’s normal if they do
Your baby may not need as much closeness and contact, but it’s normal if they do
Your baby may not need to nurse to sleep, but it’s normal if they do
Your baby may not wake a few times at night, but it’s normal if they do

It isn’t the normal behaviours of our babies that cause us grief, it’s the expectation that it’s “supposed” to be different.
I’m here to show you what’s normal. 🤍

My mother always told me that if you’re speaking the truth, you will offend people.
Not because we’re intentionally setting out to do so, but because it often is the opposite of learned behaviour, generational patterns, “the mainstream narrative”, or typical teachings.
When you present information that’s new, it’s usually met with some resistance. That’s ok.

Keep speaking truth.

I give people what I want in return. So I give honesty, even if it’s not popular, even if it’s hard to hear.

Truth sets us free, truth gives us knowledge and knowledge is power 🤍

Original quote and graphic by

Why don’t we train for BIRTH?

How many of you have a story of long labour? I do!
I was in labour for 19 hours with my first baby and it was the most physically and mentally demanding experience I’ve ever been through.

I’m an athlete and a fitness competitor…I’ve been through gruelling training sessions and competitions, but I’ve trained and prepared for them ALL.

I didn’t prepare my body for birth.

I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 I set out a prep plan. I made sure to continue with strength training and mobility work but I also added birth specific training. I focused on connecting with my pelvic floor, stretching and opening the hips, ankle mobility, proper positioning techniques and I met with my pelvic floor Physio to help me with my breathing and pushing.

This changed the game and completely changed my birth experience. I was completely in control, I was strong and I knew when to push (figuratively and literally 😂) and when to conserve energy.

If you want to have this power too, I am now opening up limited space for my PRENATAL BIRTH PREP series.
I offer this in small group sessions of 2-3 (must be between 30-37 wks 🤰🏼)
Or one on one sessions!

DM Me for more Info!

*currently only available in Person in Huntsville, ON, but Will be offering virtual session in the new year

Dear husband,

There’s a life in the future with little faces in photo frames instead of before our eyes, artwork and abc magnets won’t adorn our fridge, and these leggings I’m wearing right now will be long gone.

There’s a bed big enough, where little elbows and knees won’t prod us in our sleep and only our feet will swing out in the morning.

There’s a vase placed in reach of little arms because there aren’t any, and mugs will daringly sit on the edge of the table.

There’s a bank balance that looks a bit more forgiving, a bag I leave with that isn’t overflowing, and it will only take us 10 seconds from the door to the car.

There’s a free calendar that isn’t packed with swimming lessons, dance classes and muddy sports shoes. And we’ll get to know each other for a third time, before them, with them, and then when only two jackets hang at the door.

There’s a clean car, the only noise is the hum of the radio. There will be no endless questions in a high pitched voice from the back seat, there may even be days we don’t hear from them at all.

There’s a date night with no curfew, my mums not needed for babysitting, and we aren’t sleeping with one eye open waiting for the shuffle of feet down the hallway. A type of freedom that feels heavy.

There’s a house that’s clean, maybe our couch is new, and we aren’t stepping on Lego or toy cars either. In fact there’s not much colour anywhere, remember how we hated all the colour? Remember how it came with so much happiness?

There’s a dinner table that feels big, we aren’t negotiating bites of vegetables or wiping little hands and mouths. But sometimes there’s a knock on the door and the table is full once more.

There’s a shower that doesn’t sound like baby cries, a coffee that is warm and my body will be my own. We won’t wear tired the same way but time will have aged us anyway.

There will be hard moments to come that will make these moments look easy, but we’ll remember.
We’ll remember the first words, the curls, the “I love you’s” the moments we almost broke, and how we held each other through it. We’ll laugh and we’ll cry just like we did then.

There’s a life in the future and it’s coming for us every day. So let’s get swept up in the beautiful chaos in front of us.
Let’s make the future wait a little longer.
Because I love this life with you so much,
this one right now.

Words by: Jess Urlichs, Writer
Photo: Ashley Michelle

Well, it’s not…

But we have been led to believe that it is. That somehow it’s different. We’ve been led to believe that crying is manipulating and that sleep is a skill.

Two massive myths that the sleep training industry perpetuates.

Parents, YOU are not the problem. You are being misled (as my friend points out so often)

Believe me, I understand the draw that an 8 hour uninterrupted sleep provides…believe me, I understand. However, we must also understand the cost to our babies.

Crying is always communication. Babies do not have the capacity to manipulate. Literally, their brains completely lack this ability. They run on survival and instinct alone.

If I told you I left my 5 yr old to cry in his bedroom with the door locked for 2 hrs straight without lending him any comfort…you’d probably call social services on me. So why is this advice being given to new, sleep deprived, desperate parents and somehow it’s different? It does against nature. It goes against biology.

Babies only have needs. They don’t have wants. Just as you have the need for human connection, they do too, and that need is more prevalent at night.

Let’s change the narrative 🤍

Happy Halloween 🎃

Is it hard sometimes? YES!
Is it worth it? Also YES!

Would be easier just to get through a few nights of sleep training so my baby no longer needed me to fall asleep? It might be, as long as it worked.

But, I choose not to go that route because of the undeniable BENEFITS of responsiveness and nurture.
The potential long term harm of leaving a baby to cry alone is a small factor in my decision but it’s the positive outcomes I know that will come from supporting sleep and responding to needs that motivates me to keep going.

I know it can be hard sometimes mommas (and dads), but I promise you, you will never regret it 🤍

Ps. This is me driving my 13month old around on the tractor for his nap 😂 it was a successful transfer to bed and now I’m taking some downtime ✌🏼

What are some creative ways YOU’VE had to use to get babe to sleep? Drop them in the comments 👇🏼