Jake Joy Therapy

Children are not property.
They are not bargaining chips.
And they deserve a voice in custody decisions.

As a therapist, I’ve witnessed parents leave abusive relationships — only to be legally required to send their children back into unsafe or destabilizing environments half the time.

A proposed change to Canada’s Divorce Act aims to give children more voice and better protect families from coercive control and domestic violence. This matters. Not for politics — but for children’s safety, emotional wellbeing, and right to feel secure.

If you care about kids, family systems, or survivor protection, this is worth paying attention to.

Let’s do better by our children.

Just a part of my practice. Emotional awareness is power.

WHEN HELPING BECOMES LOSING YOURSELF — “Empathy Without Boundaries” Empaths and people-pleasers often get caught in the trap of trying to heal the avoidant — believing that enough love or patience will make them open up.

But it becomes a cycle of hurt and help — one person retreats, the other overextends.
You end up carrying the weight of someone else’s healing while quietly abandoning your own needs.

Compassion without boundaries isn’t sustainable — it’s self-erasure dressed as love.
You can care deeply without carrying someone else’s pain.
Healing begins the moment you turn that compassion inward.

This one was a blooper video, but Hazel looks so cute, so i am sharing. 😁

People-pleasing often begins as kindness, but when it becomes a habit of micro-sacrifices — the quiet “it’s fine” moments — it starts to erase you.

Every time you soften your truth to keep the peace, you send yourself a message: “My needs matter less.”
Over time, that message becomes your self-image.

Healing means reclaiming your voice — one honest word, one small boundary, one truth at a time.
You’re not too much for wanting space. You’re not selfish for saying no.
You’re simply learning that your comfort counts too.

YOU CAN FIND ME
Every “it’s fine” when it isn’t… every small silence to keep the peace…
Those micro-sacrifices blur your identity.
It’s time to reclaim your voice.

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Just a little grass weaving to entertain myself. 😆. The one basket has been finished with beeswax. These take a million hours to finish - like most textile work.

Avoidance isn’t apathy — it’s protection.
It’s the nervous system’s way of saying, “If I stay hidden, I can’t get hurt.”
But over time, it creates distance and loneliness — the very thing it’s trying to avoid.

Avoidance can look like detachment, control, criticism, or even blame. When someone tries to reach you emotionally, it can feel like exposure — and the defense fights back.

Avoidance isn’t the absence of emotion; it’s emotion trapped under fear. Healing begins by meeting that part with understanding, not shame.

Short / Story Version:
Avoidance wears many masks: calm, control, even criticism.
It’s not about not caring — it’s about staying safe.
What looks cold is often a heart protecting itself.

FIND ME

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These three patterns — Avoidance, People-Pleasing, and Over-Helping — all stem from the same source: a nervous system trying to stay safe.

Each pattern began as protection.
Each one says, “If I manage others’ emotions, I can avoid pain.”

But healing isn’t about dismantling the pattern overnight — it’s about meeting it with awareness, compassion, and small acts of truth that slowly bring you back home to yourself.

✨ Read the full blog series: Patterns of Protection — now live on my website.

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