Wild Medicine Tantra

"We have an INFINITE capacity for love!
And the pain of losing that love is not a reason not to love" ❤️

With the increase of garden and house work I'm back to my usually daily dose of 2-6h of lectures, talks and education.
I'm halfway through, and this is by far one of the best (if not the best) thing I've heard this year so far.
I know it's long,
But if you're doing the dishes or ironing your laundry,
Give it a listen ❤️
It's brutal, honest, pragmatic, and so heart-breakingly beautiful!

It's rare that I see someone who can perfectly unite brutal reality, romance and pragmatism, emotional depth and philosophy, with psychology and common sense, all at once.

The Divorce Expert: 86% Of People Who Divorce Remarry! Why S*x Is Causing Divorces! James S*xton is America's top divorce lawyer, and bestselling author of romantic advice books 'How to Stay in Love' and 'If You're in My Office, It's Already...

The value of the feminine*
and the unseen work

🪷🌸🏵️🌼🌻🌹 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝟖𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡, 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐲!🌼🌻🌸🏵️🪷

And on this day me and my sisters would love to bring attention and value to the softer parts of life.

Whenever I start the discussion that I would prefer to give value in relationships with all my talends instead of paying 50/50 for things, immediately there's a discussion of how much these talents would be worth in money in comparison to rent or groceries.

It's no secret that we live in a society (at least in the west), where we value things that are tangible. Things you can touch, build, measure, just like allopathic medicine "wins" over alternative medicine (despite more years of experience with one than the other), things that can not be measured in a lab or on a scale are seen as less valuable.

𝐔𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲, 𝐧𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝, 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝.
Work inside the home is not taxable (so women are left with doing more stuff at home and at work,) and are burning out and becoming inf*rtile more than ever.

If we have community, or care of this feminine energy, we would simply care for and save each other in case of emergency. With the decrease of feeling as a community; more independence, more "self-care", self sufficiency, people further start to push for and value money, economy, and what "saves your ass" in a crisis.
𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞.
Not safe in our bodies.
Without nurture,
It's not sustainable.

In the long run, companies, societies and our PLANET wins more from having a measure for the immeasurable, if you want less costs on healthcare, better performance, wider imagination, and higher fertility.
We must redefine what "work" means, or what value means, from both the tangible, and intangible.

🔥 Solution continues in the comments ⬇️

The solution is not woman becoming like men or having to go to male dominated fields to increase their wealth and appreciation, but that we start to see and value the inherent qualities of the feminine.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐲, 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫, 𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞.🥰
𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 🙏🏼

Can you see the value in our differences, instead of forcing us all to be in sameness?
Nurture, touch and emotional support is foundational for our society, so, can you see it's importance?
Can you see the value in beauty, pleasure, and simply... in being?
𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧! 🌸💕

*the feminine, meaning the energy within all of us that is caring, creative, nurturing, cares about beauty and emotional safety.

SUPER EXCITED for our first event with Bashar Waleed , conscious speed dating in Arambol, Goa!! 😍🥰
If any of my juicy, conscious beautiful friends are here at the moment, we have 3 out of 36 spots left 😘

OR, join WhatsApp group for further events:
https://chat.whatsapp.com/IFBKwjXiig3KidEoczMPu6

If you want to participate, sign up here:
https://forms.gle/WFU4Tn2U2LN3C1s17
🎊🎊🎊
Для участия, запись по ссылке!

Hello friends,
I don't know what's happening with my Instagram, but I get shadowbanned as soon as I start posting a little too much, traffic is down, etc etc.
And I personally don't feel motivated to continue giving if I don't feel like I get back, and Instagram has been one of those things...

But, you know what would help me feel motivated??
Both to create more free valuable content, make proper videos for YouTube, and share great advice?
MORE FOLLOWERS!
Seeing results for my work is what keeps me going 😍

I would really really love to hit 3k on Instagram before the end of the year, and it would truly mean a lot to me if you follow if you don't already, and/or share some of my content on your page!
Thank you, hugs, and happy winter ❤️

https://instagram.com/wildmedicineta**ra?igshid=NzZlODBkYWE4Ng==

Thank you my BEAUTIFUL ladies from PRIMAL Lvl 2 - the unpredictable feminine!
So much love, light, joy, pain, grief, and sense of community we felt last weekend..
Thank you for your bravery, your trust, your openness ❤️🔥
And I can't wait to see you all again!
😘❤️🔥🌸💕💕

And to see YOU, who's reading this, at my upcoming events 🌸💕

3 SPOTS LEFT, and 4 days left of early bird pricing!!
If you're curious what others think, you can read the reviews in my highlights on Instagram!

Event link: https://facebook.com/events/s/primal-the-unpredictable-femin/655414552653826/?mibextid=Gg3lNB

To participate, send me a DM!

This retreat is for those who want to get to know their inner beauty , their inner witch, their shadows, depths, as to befriend them and bring them as part of ourselves, to become more powerful, and whole, as a being.

Are you ready to meet your darkness, your sensuality, your wildness, own it and love it?

Or perhaps you long for mending some deep wounds, going next level in your ta***ic practices, hunting some shadows, dancing your heart out or just go nuts in a safe space?

Then this retreat is for you!

The event will include, among other things:
- T@ntric exersizes
- Emotional release
- Shadow work
- Fire ceremonies
- Dance journeys
- Rituals
- Parts work/aspecting
- And much more…
***ic

🥲🙃

Can't wait for this festival 😍😍🥰❤️

🤣🤣😅

Today's funny. Repost .are.another.me

I'm so excited!! 💞❤️☀️

🧡 WELCOME to the Ta***ic Joy Festival Amsterdam Summer 19-23 July 🧡

🌿 5 days of joy with 30 facilitators and the choice from 55 workshops, 6 T3mple Nights, Concerts, Performances, 4 Ecstatic Dance sets & 8 vegan meals.

✨ You can come to the festival with or without experience in ta**ra. A festival is a beautiful space to become acquainted with different ta**ra styles. The diverse facilitators will invite you to explore and express different aspects of your being, with respect for your boundaries and what you need at that moment. All aspects of your person are welcome to show up. Your most light and joyful parts, but also the more difficult ones.

🏳️‍🌈 We wish the festival to be a space where you feel at home, all sexual expressions and gender identification are more than welcome!

🌸 Here some of the facilitators that will be at the festival: Karlijn Kouwenhoven, Li Tadaa, Anand Rudra, Andy Buru, Jaandrée Borelius, Wendy Doeleman, AmoSoma, Robin Westerberg, Danique Scipio, Marinka Mirre Joanne, Lisa Lawrie, Julianna Bloodgood, Arkadiusz Hezler, Ronyah Wild Medicine Ta**ra, Marco Dinh, Ménou Hanne Fonsien, Janneke Aronson, Marcos Bina, Ezequiel Sanucci, Dylan Titley, Georg Stuby, Michelle Mindflow, Mark Oostermeijer, Anna Prat, Las Chicas del Barrio, DJ Navid Divana, DJ Annika Gabriel, Steven Truijens DJ Samaya… and more!
Organized by Mark & Anna Growing Loving Relations

See our website for more info & tickets in comments!

Honesty and transparency is the path to a emotionally healthy life with authentic connections. It’s also one of the hardest things to practice— but it’s worth it

WHAT IS TRIANGULATION? ⚠️

Lately I’ve been feeling inspired to write, but not sure in what order to post things, so how about bringing up some random psychological terms!

Triangulation is an interesting concept, that we meet most likely in our teenage years, if not earlier.
All of us have been somehow involved in some kind of triangulation, whether it be on an acquaintance-level, or bigger.

Triangulation means that one (or sometimes more) out of three parties, carefully makes it so that the other two parties are pitted against each other, without tracking it back to the person that started it.

For example – you can go and tell your friend A something bad about a mutual friend of yours B, so bad that A stops speaking to B. (Or you can go to both of them at various times, continuously pitting one against the other, telling them various things)

So then, for example person A that was told the bad stuff about person B goes and holds on to anger/grief, which grows into resentment, prejudice, and more. Because our brains like predictable things even if they’re bad, person A may start thinking this about all people that have something in common with person B.

The things you might be saying might be true or false, it really doesn’t matter. When one friend is pi**ed at the other they rarely bring it up, they just act on it. And if they do bring it up, they often don’t believe that the third person (you) could have been so bad as to have caused this conflict on purpose. So you get away with it, or are seen as the good guy because you’re the one that told them about their “bad” friend! You were “honest”, and just trying to help.
Such a savior.
Now YOU are closer person A, they and all their friends trust you even more!

And this happens all the time, even unconsciously.
In friendships, in families, relationships, and on a more global scale.

Why am I telling you this?
Oh… I don’t know…
Why don’t you decide, where to apply this, or where this might be happening, without you even noticing.

Have a beautiful day ❤️

You can have anger, and have you and me too!

Many people are taught in early childhood that when you exhibit “unwanted” or “bad behavior” (bad = such we cannot handle or is frowned upon), you then lose love.
Show behavior = get scolded = lose love and appreciation = your nervous system thinks you will be abandoned and eventually die.
😦
So, feeling a “negative” feeling is then associated with death, or at least total isolation and pain.
Some learn that getting scolded for being “bad” is the only way to get attention, so they go for that instead of “being good”. But most of us fear showing, expressing or even feeling the “bad” feelings, may it be anger, sadness, frustration, desire or even excessive joy.

All these feelings are a natural part and by-product of any positive or neutral state of being, and yet societal norm rejects them like a bad organ transplant.
And, anger has to be the biggest taboo of them all.
Anger is a powerful emotion. A powerful state, even.
It’s a tool that can be used for good or bad, like an axe or a hammer.
💥
The passion of anger can move mountains, it can fuel you to get the life you desire, burn away everything within and around you that you don’t need anymore, it can make you show up for yourself like you never dared to, and, it’s closely related to s*xual passion, and desire overall.
Like any powerful emotion or state, we fear anger such as we may fear passion, success, love or grief – it has a tendency to make us do things we later regret.

Why?
Because when we block something, it doesn’t go away. It grows bigger, and when it does, it gets harder to control. Like anything; it’s easier to learn to handle that thing, feeling, skill or pet, if you train yourself and/or it as soon as possible.
But years and years of bottled up anger are much harder to control, so looking at that big ball of forgotten emotions you may go “Oh, that’s too much!” and close the lid again.
🙄
If we were allowed to feel it to begin with, it would never make us do things we regret. Because we would be friends with it.

But late is better than never.

I dare you, to allow yourself to express your anger.

At least to say the words “I am angry!”. To feel this power, this passion you have for life, for things you want AND things you don’t want.
Start alone, by yourself, feel the anger… punch some pillows, yell into a pillow or out somewhere in nature. Allow yourself to scream for real, from your stomach, until you feel all empty… and then scream a bit more.

When the pressure has lessened a bit, you can start expressing your anger in front of (not onto) people that you feel safe with.
Tell them in advance that you would like a safe space to express yourself and to vent, so they can be ready.
Slowly slowly, showing others your truth, your raw emotion, you will learn that it is safe to be angry.
You will see that when anger is expressed and felt authentically, it does not hurt anyone, in fact, it only makes you more powerful and makes you trust yourself more.
🔥
And when witnessing that other people can take in, feel and receive you in your full emotion, any emotion, your head, heart and body will learn that you can be authentic, and have other people too.
You will not lose connection just because you’re REAL.
And if you do, more authentic people will soon come to replace them. ❤️

Want to be more real in your anger?
Join our PRIMAL women's retreat, only 2 spots left!!

Today I held my "Art of tease & st******se" workshop in Ängsbacka S*xsibility festival!
Super beautiful, super vulnerable, and finally I got the BIG BARN (after 6 years at Ängsbacka)!
So much love and gratitude for their own bodies and each other!
I hope you all will go on to being more daring, shameless and vulnerable

°°° TEARS OF THE FEMININE °°°

- ”I feel that you cry with me too often. When this happens, I feel like I cannot make you happy”.

I stared at him, chocked, not knowing what to say.
I had known this man for over a decade, former beloved and now dear friend, and yet I had never felt so unseen and misunderstood.
For a few minutes I tried explaining my point as to why my crying is not bad, but he was convinced he must be at fault.

It’s been a year now since then, and I’ve been meaning to write about how and why the feminine tears are a good thing.
🌸
Men (masculine beings) generally have a need and desire to protect, lead and serve, meaning that many feel when a woman he cares about is unhappy, it must be his fault. Especially men that tend to get too emotionally drawn in; they cannot look from a detached perspective at the situation, and therefore take on the blame. And thereafter, as so often happens, blame her for being unhappy.
The masculine (energy) has a tendency to blame others, while the feminine has a tendency to blame themselves.
💥
So why are the tears a good thing?
If they don’t come from a victim, controlling or manipulative place, they are a good sign.
(Usually one can tell what place the crying comes from, if you look at it from an objective perspective.)
The tears mean that at this moment the person is in need of relief, and a good cry does release feel-good hormones
In an emotionally open moment, a person can cry from:
- being touched by beauty
- 0rgasm
- not being able to contain (any) emotions
- deep old grief
- anger
- overwhelming love
- pain from their emotions expanding
- joy
and more…
🌱
But most of all, if they cry in front of you authentically, they trust you.
It means that with you they are safe enough to be open, vulnerable, and HONEST about who they are at this moment.
And if crying happens often, she’s probably overwhelmed in general and that’s what’s needed in her life, before you ever came along. Now, finally, she allows her vulnerable feminine softness to shine through after being suppressed for a long time, and feel ALL the feelings.
So, partly it is personal,
and mostly, not at all.
❤️

Wish to dare be more vulnerable, no matter what others think?
Join our intimate group of women in August ❤️🔥
PRIMAL retreat:

https://fb.me/e/1MZopmmhI

Why bad things happen to good people.

- “I just can’t help but feel hopeless, it feels like I’m always doing something, or everything wrong! So many things are not going my way, no matter how hard I try... I just want it all to stop.”

I was listening closely to this man, hearing in his voice a desire to give up. Despite him making effort on and off for years to solve his financial troubles and family issues, it just seemed to get worse.
As an objective bystander, I could see that technically the only wrong thing he did was not caring for himself enough. But otherwise, he DID make steps forward whichever way he could, but misfortunes kept happening. Despite him being a good person, with good karma, honest, has morals, and always wanting to do “what’s right”.
So what could be wrong?

We are supposed to learn something from each thing that happens to us.
And everything that is happening is supposed to be happening, SO THAT we can learn from it and then do differently.
It can be:
- Alchemizing your pain
- Learning to say no
- Care more for yourself
- Accepting and loving your inner “shadows”
But whatever it may be, if you get the same situation to teach you a lesson, it means the universe wants you to make a DIFFERENT choice than last time.
Probably a completely different one.
Otherwise how can you (and everyone else) be sure that you’ve really changed, if you don’t get a similar situation and chose differently?

The path of least resistance is not always correct, discipline and effort is important.
Yet if you walk a chosen path and accidents, misfortunes and betrayals keep happening over and over again, you are definitely in need of a big change immediately. The universe, God, higher power, whatever you may believe, is telling you through circumstances that what you’re doing is not right for you.
Same if you get sick, get in an accident, lose things, it’s just your whole being screaming at you to PAY ATTENTION! PLEASE, CHANGE COURSE!

If you’re trying harder where you are at but it’s not working out, perhaps you’re supposed to try something different? Or in a different location? A different person?
Perhaps walk away instead of staying this time?
Honour your boundaries by saying no. Or by saying yes.

Blinded by what’s “right”, or what we are taught, we fail to see beyond it.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
We always have freedom, and there is always a choice.
If you feel like there isn’t one... you KNOW there is at least another option, you’re just too scared to take it or even admit it to yourself.
But,
If you were a person who loved yourself,
What would you do?

Photo by Andy Buru

***THE TRUE TALE OF PMS***
🌸🌸🌸
Every 20-30 days (depending on a woman’s cycle), she gets so called PMS – pre-menstrual symptoms. Those may last from right after the ovulation, to 1-2 days before her period.
Generally women with more stressed lives, less healthy lifestyle and diet, on hormonal contraceptives etc. tend to get affected more than others.

If you as a woman (or a man in close proximity to women on a regular basis) have a closer look, you can see that she is unwillingly changing throughout her whole cycle; her mood, her clothes, dietary preferences, needs and wants. It’s almost a completely different person during ovulation vs during menstruation!
🌹
And I assume you have noticed, that during the PMS period, you (she) tend to get emotional.
Angry, sad, irritated, whatever emotions may be, they come up. Strongly. Like a tide wave.

And most often you cannot stop it or stuff it down, merely express it to a friend or eat your feelings.
The things that may come up are of various nature – you might feel disgust towards your partner, or want more touch, or less, you might be angry at yourself or a person, or you cry at 3am because “I just don’t crochet anymore!!”.
Whatever it may be… listen closely to it.
These emotions carry valuable information; the hormones at this time magnify your ACTUAL true emotions that you carry around all day for however long, but don’t notice.

This is your body’s way of bringing your attention to those emotions.
🌱
If you feel that the thing in question is “stupid/weird/silly”, such as you desire to crochet, dig a little deeper. Perhaps you miss working with your hands? Or you haven’t given yourself any alone-time? Or, you have become too rigid and tense and need a big long break?
Or if you feel aversion towards your partner – perhaps there’s something they did or didn’t do that you haven’t expressed? Is there something else you are ignoring?
💥
Whatever it is, listen to the wisdom of your body, because it’s screaming at you to pay attention.

Want to know more?
https://facebook.com/events/s/primal-womens-retreat-2022-lvl/497925772000980/
🥰☀️

***HOW MEANING CHANGES THINGS***

To our brain, it doesn’t matter if something is imaginary or “in reality”; to the brain, both are equally real.
🤯
This is a scientifically proven fact, you’re welcome to google it if you want.
I also suggest putting “rice love/hate experiment” on YouTube.
That’s one of the reasons mantras may work, Gestalt therapy works, and of course, our own power over our own reality.
One of those things, is the meaning we assign to stuff that happens in/to/with us.
💥
If you play chess – you can assign meaning to the different pieces, and suddenly it’s an occult practice.
If you go out into the field on midsummer day to pick flowers, to put them under your pillow and dream of your one true love – instead of it being “fortune telling”, it can simply be a fun thing you do to see if it works.
You accidentally touched pine tar – you can either complain that you’re sticky, or you can go smell your fingers all day and think about the fresh forest.

Same thing with your partner; we often assign meaning to their actions based off of our own assumptions we might have from the past, either our own experience or the partners behavior.
❤️
For example she cries about something with you - you can make it mean that you’re at fault, and get upset. Or you can make it mean that she trusts you enough to cry in front of you.

Or he changed the tires on your car – make it mean “he did what he was told”, and there will be nothing special about it. Make it mean that he cares about you and does it so you don’t have to worry, and suddenly you feel more loved.
Because, in most cases, you are actually loved.
And in feeling that love expressed in this way, you can then give them more love and gratitude in return!
Most often people do things because they care, and avoid doing things they don’t want to do.
If you doubt, you can ask the other person “This is what I’m making this mean, is it true?”
And they can answer you truthfully.
🥰
Change the meaning and the intention of what is happening, and suddenly your relationship, and life, has more beautiful meaning.

Next time you feel triggered, ask yourself:
“What am I making this mean?”

***NO COMPROMISE***
In the last article, we talked about incompatibility in relationships.
Today, it’s time to see how we can find an option for some of them that works for both parties.
Many people say either “opposites attract!” or “we’re so similar, it’s like me but another person/gender!”
Neither of those are a guarantee that the relationship will be happy AND long lasting (if that’s what you want).
💥Especially considering all the things we lie to ourselves about that we think we want, or convince ourselves we don’t want, in fear of judgement from society, family, etc.

So, you’ve felt into your body if all of you is onboard with this relationship, and gone through step 1 and 2 since last time, right?
And perhaps talked to your partner, and found some points of incompatibility that made you worry.
💙
People usually (also) say that compromise is part of good relationships.
Now I want you to take that word… ready?
Take that word, crumple it up, spit on it, throw it on the ground, step on it, and then take a napkin and throw it in the garbage.
Or burn it, your choice.
Compromise is useful when the marriage is arranged and there’s no out, but in essence compromise means “you take a little pain, I take a little pain”.
So both suffer, more, and more, until you don’t wanna suffer anymore.
💛
Step 4:
I suggest instead that you find a 3rd option – one that works for both you and your partner, that makes you BOTH happy.

For example:
If you and your partner have different religious backgrounds, that can be very difficult. If neither religion is opposed the other (in your or your partner's viewpoint), and you can respect eachothers beliefs, the 3rd option is to stay and live as you are.
Respectfully, and with lots of communication.
Can you live with someone of a different faith?.. Okay
Do you want to?

Or if your partner doesn't like outdoor living because of the discomfort, but being outdoors is very important to you, how can you make it more comfortable for them?
Would you still be happy if our time spent outdoors was more comfortable?

Or; if one partner likes a lot of alone time, and the other likes spending time together, a 3rd option is perhaps you can be in the same room and do different things, or be apart first then together, and be very aware of your own boundaries and needs - are they truly being met?

How do you know if this 3rd option works for you?
Be very, VERY aware of your body response.
- Imagine this option that you talked about.
Imagine that it will NEVER change, that they won't bend to your will over time.
Now, can you live with it? (Be honest)
If your body responds in a negative way, its good to re-evaluate the option, or the relationship.
If your body responds peacefully, and your partners too, you've found something that works for you! 🌱❤️

What if you can’t find a solution?
Then you can either decide that companionship is more important than your truth, and live with it in increasing misery and resentment, or decide to become friends instead of lovers.
Do remember – if either of you decide to ignore the incompatibility now and it may seem like no big deal, sooner or later in the future it will grow, resentment will grow, and breaking up will be more painful and difficult than now.

Do you love yourself enough to be honest?

Live truthfully 🌹

***COMPATABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS***

In the last post I mentioned how great it is to be in love, and how we must consider all parts of our being when we decide to be in an intimate relationship.
This is the continuation, of what it means to be compatible or not.

So; Let’s assume that you realized that you want to love yourself.
So you become a more wholesome being, work on yourself, your wounds, patterns, etc.
And then you decided that you want to be in a relationship, because some needs and desires you cannot meet yourself.
So you date, fall in love, feel attachment… and since attraction is not based on whether a person is good/right for us or not, we need to decide if you two are compatible.
🌱
Remember – needs and desires are not to be compromised or to be healed out of! Such as need for closeness, mutual interests, your love language, etc.
You can only see over time if it may change, but not force it in any way.
So, the person needs to be a good match for what you want and need in life, which does not imply that you’re exactly the same, or exact opposites.
💥

What to do then?

Step 1: Decide what you want, in life and in relationship. At least approximately.
This is something you preferably should do before dating, but late is better than never.

What needs do you want met from a partner, and what do you want to do yourself/with friends/work?
What is important to you, what values? What future plans, desires? Way of life?
🌸
Step 2: Be REALLY honest with yourself!!

Again, double check that the things in step 1 are true.
Is there anywhere that you bend yourself, ignore a need, or changed something to match the person you’re currently dating?
If so, have the courage to be truthful with yourself.
Even if it means there’s something you know the other is against.

For example – many men nowadays honestly don’t want kids, but they get them anyway because they’re afraid that’s the only way they can feel a sense of family or make a woman be with them.
Yet, there are many women that (if they’re honest too), don’t want kids either, and would be more compatible with such a man.
❤️
Step 3: Talk to your partner about what they want.

For example – you may have always dreamt to live in a hot climate, but your partner is allergic to the sun. That is incompatibility.
If both of you want children, you want the same, and you are compatible.
If he loves hiking in the mountains and you loathe it for several reasons, that is incompatible.
If you love cooking but hate the dishes, and your partner hates cooking but loves doing the dishes, then you are different, and compatible.
💥
Step 4: WITHOUT COMPROMISE, talk with your partner if there is a 3rd option for the places you find incompatibility.

More about how to “solve” incompatibility, in the next article, on Saturday.
☀️❤️
Meanwhile, make Step 1 & 2 while you wait.