Vow Writing Service

Your vows are meant to be heard with the ears and the heart. Write like you speak. Not like you’d write an essay or an office memo!

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Everyone getting married in a secular marriage ceremony in Australia must say, out loud, the statement that creates the marriage.

It’s called The Legal Vows. And embedded in it is a word that comes direct to us from Old Norse, the language spoken by the Vikings.

As someone who has a generous sprinkling of Viking genes, that gives me goosebumps!

Can you guess which word it is?

“I ask everyone here to witness that I (Name) take you (Name) to be my lawful wedded (wife/husband/spouse/partner-in-marriage)”

Answer in first comment.

Not performative on the day, nor performative every day thereafter, your vows are your commitment to acts of love and kindness that only your partner sees, the acts that strengthen a marriage and make it invincible.

When you write your own vows, you add promises that express your commitment to your marriage to the words that create your marriage.

The Law dictates the legal vows. Only your hearts can shape your personal promises. Which is why generic vows don’t hit in the same way.

Express the big commitments - to being loyal, faithful, and kind - in your own way. Authenticity creates feels better than perfect language!

Add an extra layer of drama to your vows by ceremoniously unwrapping them.

Card in an envelope, for example, or as I did for a couple whose marriage I solemnised recently, gatefold cards tied with ribbon.

There is no shortage of advice on the Internet about how to write your personal vows. But what most celebrants and content writers skip over is that
A. There is no magic bullet perfect structure that fits everyone, AND
B. Context is everything.

And that, to understand what that means for you, personally, you need to delve into history while simultaneously considering the context of your own wedding.

The origin of personal vows:
The concept of a couple making promises to one another is barely 50 years old.

Way back in the days when the majority of couples married in a religious ceremony, it was just accepted that you repeated the vows laid down by the religion, and that was that. Choice was limited to picking from a limited list of readings and hymns. Even the music was strictly controlled.

And for those who couldn’t or wouldn’t marry in church it was a bare bones legal ceremony with no personalisation. Zilch.

And then came Vatican II. And couples started to request personalising their vows. When the church said OK to personal vows, it was the only part of the ceremony where a bride and groom could add a verbal personal touch. So, naturally, they included as much of their relationship story as they could get away with. And advice about how to structure your vows reflected this.

But the majority of couples in Australia are marrying in ceremonies led by civil celebrants, ceremonies that are personal, that, by law, give you total choice over everything but the minimal legally required words you and your celebrant must say.

All of which means that you don’t need to tell your story in your vows. You can focus on the power of your promises. Your Why. And then your How. Why you want to marry your partner, and how you are going to behave towards them during your marriage.

Simple as that.

The perfect vows are a blend of idealism and common sense. Which requires the personal, human, touch.

Is it legal to sing your vows? Think about that for a minute. What would you need to take into consideration?

Answer in first comment.